Children Change Everything

I have a confession to make:  Trevor and I never intended to have children.  If you would have asked anyone who knows me, they would have agreed that I was completely set against having any children at any time, ever.  This was something that Trevor and I discussed before we were married, and were both relieved to find one another on the same page.  I was never much of a kid person, and children generally just made me nervous.  At best, I tolerated the children of friends and family because it was necessary.

We enjoyed our first few years of marriage doing all the things that young married people do. We left on trips at the drop of a hat.  We went out to movies at 10 o'clock at night.  We stayed up late and slept in.  We ate in restaurants that didn't give us coloring book menus.  We went to work, came home and ate cereal for dinner if we wanted to.

But something began to change in my heart as I spent more and more time with Trevor.  At first I couldn't quite put my finger on it, because I was so happy with our marriage that I couldn't figure out what was causing that little tug of dissatisfaction.  As time went on, I recognized it for what it was.  I was still not sold on the idea of other children, but I wanted to have children with Trevor and so Nathan was born.  All 9 lbs, 13 oz of him.

To say that having a child is a life-changing experience doesn't even begin to scratch the surface, and if you are a parent you are smiling and nodding your head.  Unplanned trips were replaced with frantic errands for more diapers and formula.  Those late night movies?  Only if you mean the glow of the television at 2am during a feeding.  The staying up late didn't change, but the sleeping in became a thing of the past.  We started asking for high chairs in restaurants and scheduling our meals around when Nathan would be hungry.

But the thing that changed my life in the most profound way was watching my husband become a father.  He gained the title of father the day that Nathan was born, but he became a father in small bits over the course of that first year.  It showed me a side of Trevor that was the perfect complement to the loving husband I knew him to be.  There is nothing more attractive to me than the sight of my husband holding my children, and knowing that he loves them just as much as I do.  I had the joy of watching him grow as a human being, learning patience and self-sacrifice.

And just as we thought we had the whole parenting thing down (hah!), along came the little 6 lb, 8 oz pink bundle that was Gracie.  If you ever want to see a man more tender and gentle, present him with a tiny baby girl to hold.  Whereas Nathan had taught Trevor the basics of fatherhood, Gracie rounded him out in ways that only a little girl could.  His protective nature became more fully developed and he always seemed to hold her a little more gently than he had held his firstborn.

As I sit here today and think of all the ways God has blessed me over the years, Trevor comes to my mind first.  Not only because he is a Godly husband to me and makes me feel cherished, loved and protected but because God created him to be the perfect father for our children.  There is no one on this earth who could be a more effective, loving father to my children and I thank God every day for him.  He leads us all in a direction that is pleasing to God, and he is steadfast in his love and commitment to us.  He sacrifices his time, energy and resources so that we might have a better life, and he always does it without complaint.

He is the father of my children.  He is the love of my life.  He is everything to me.

Happy Father's Day, Trevor.

Christmas Revisted

I am typing this post on my brand new Christmas present from Trevor. I have to give him kudos this year, because we are notorious for not saving our gifts for Christmas morning. As soon as they come in the mail or make it into the house, we open them. Clearly we don't stand on ceremony when it comes to exchanging gifts with one another. Half the time we just decide on a price limit and then purchase our own gifts.

So needless to say, Christmas is not usually a surprise for either of us and we are perfectly happy with our system. We get our thrills from watching the kids open their gifts. So imagine my surprise when all of the Christmas paper was strewn about the living room floor and things were settling down, and Trevor put a gift in my lap. I ripped it open and discovered computer software. Trevor said in a disappointed voice, "What is that???" (We had most of our gifts shipped to my mom to avoid having to pack them for the trip down, and she wrapped them for us) It was software for a Mac, and we have PCs. He said, "This was supposed to be photo editing software for you! I guess they sent the wrong thing."

I immediately started thinking about how we could send it back to Amazon for an exchange, when he put another box in my lap and said, "I'll guess we'll just have to load it on this!"

That's right...my sweet husband bought me a MacBook Pro! Ever since I got my iPhone, I've been convinced of Apple's complete and total superiority and have wanted to get a Mac. They were pretty much out of our price range, so I would just gaze wistfully at them when we went to Best Buy and satisfy myself with that. I guess Trevor saw how much I wanted one, and made it happen for me. As Trevor predicted, I ignored the family for the rest of the day as I played on my new computer!

Although it's been a little difficult to navigate after using a PC for 20 years I am catching on and finally learning how to use it more effectively. Bar none the best Christmas present I've ever received from Trevor. I guess I have some big shoes to fill next Christmas!

Valentine's Day

In spite of my post last year, I decided to do this Valentine's Day meme that I saw on Kimberly's blog. I still think that Valentine's Day sets people up for unfulfilled, imaginary expectations. Some guys are romantic by nature, and some guys aren't. If your man isn't, you are putting a ton of pressure on him to perform, whether you realize it or not. Trevor works with a kid who is dating someone, and he was so stressed out over how to plan Valentine's Day. Since a card and dinner don't appear to be enough these days, guys are spending enough money for a car payment on impressing their significant other.

OK...I'm slowly backing away from my soap box now. (And trying to ignore the dismal use of tenses in the previous paragraph.) Did I get my husband a card this year? Yes. Did he get one for me? No. Do I care? Not in the least. Do you know why? Because I started my morning by rolling over into his sleepy, warm chest and felt his arms go around me. Happy Valentine's greetings were exchanged and I was happy.

Didn't I say I stepping off the box? So, here's the meme, if for no other reason than to stop me from talking any more...



♥How long have you been together? We've been married almost 12 years.

♥ How long did you know each other before you started dating? 11 years (we were friends throughout Junior and High school.)

♥ Who asked who out? Trevor called me when he was on leave from the Navy for our normal dinner and catch up session.

♥ How old are each of you? I am 37 and Trevor is 36.

♥ Whose siblings do/ did you see the most? His brother Will (they live 6 houses down from us!)

♥ Do you have any children together? Yes, Nathan (7) and Grace (4)

♥ What about pets? Yes, one cat named Zoe

♥ Did you go to the same school? Yes, that's where we met. We both played trombone in the band.

♥ Are you from the same home town? We grew up in the same town...I moved there from Louisiana when I was 4.

♥ Who is the smartest? We are both smart in different ways. He is an engineer, so there is NO way I could compete with that kind of intellect, but I know my stuff in therapy. We are both well read and it's wonderful being married to a person with whom I can have a real conversation about anything.

♥ Who is the most sensitive? We both are but in different ways

♥ Where do you eat out most as a couple? Chili's

♥ Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple? We went to Italy in 2002...I would love to go back.

♥ Who has the worst temper? Without a doubt, I hold this dubious honor. He has a fuse about a mile long.

♥ Who does the cooking? We both do it during the week, but I do most of it on the weekends, and all of it for holidays and family gatherings.

♥Who is the neat freak? We go in phases..sometimes it's me, and sometimes it's him.

♥ Who is the more stubborn? This meme is not putting me in a very good light! Again, without a doubt, me.

♥ Where was your first date? The Black-Eyed Pea and then (I can't believe I'm announcing this to the world) we saw Mars Attacks.

♥ Who has the bigger family? I do. I have 2 siblings and he has 1.

♥ Do you get flowers often? Not really. I loved getting flowers when I was single, but now that I'm married and know how much that stuff costs, I'd rather have dinner out or a movie!

♥ How do you spend the holidays? Once we had kids, we decided that Christmas morning was to be spent at home, but otherwise we alternate Thanksgivings with our families and we spend Christmas Eve with his parents. My parents usually drive in a few days after Christmas and we celebrate with them.

♥ How long did it take to get serious? A few days. We had been friends so long, and it just hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized he was "the one"

♥ Who eats more? Me. Trevor is one of those fortunate people who sees food as a necessary part of staying alive. I see it as an opportunity to please the palate and I will eat even when I'm not hungry (which explains why I am eternally on a diet and he looks slim and trim!)

♥ Who’s better with the computer? Trevor

♥ Who drives when you are together? Trevor. He gets carsick unless he's driving, so it's sort of by default that he drives on long trips. Sometimes he has to have help (like the time we drove straight through from Houston to Denver), and I drove too, but most of our trips are 5 hours or less so it's not a problem.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Rushing Through the Days

When Trevor is gone, it seems that I rush through my days from one thing to the next.

"Each thing I do I rush through so I can do something else. In such a way do the days pass -a blend of stock car racing and the never ending building of a Gothic cathedral. Through the windows of my speeding car, I see all that I love falling away: books unread, jokes untold, landscapes unvisited."
Stephen Dobyns

The never ending list of things that I can't quite get done. The curtains I promised a friend weeks ago that I would finish. The scrapbook in the closet, sitting in mute reproach. The stack of books that I am dying to read. The layer of dust on the mantle that is just screaming to be wiped away.

Sometimes I find no real joy in the things that I do accomplish, because the list is still there. I'm rushing to finish one thing just to start something else.

Strangely enough, life seems to slow down when he's gone in spite of all the rushing. At the end of the day, I take those few minutes of quiet solitude when the kids are finally asleep and the dishes done, to just sit for a moment or two. I admire the fall decorations on the mantle. I chuckle at the sight of our cat sleeping in contorted positions by the hearth. I breath a sigh of relief that one more day is over and that I have a brief respite from the chaos.

Then it's over and I make lunches for tomorrow, straighten the house before bed, and put one more X on the calendar to indicate that we are one day closer to his return. I live for that big red X. It reminds me of the one person who loves me no matter what. It reminds me of how cherished I am and how much I love him in return. It reminds me of the reason why I have two beautiful children sleeping down the hall, innocently oblivious to my stress and turmoil.

He'll be home tomorrow, and we will be complete.

Jet Airliner Don't Carry Him Too Far Away

Trevor leaves for Russia tonight. He was supposed to leave last Sunday, but all of the craziness with the hurricane postponed the trip. He doesn't appear to be as apprehensive about traveling this time, as opposed to his China trips. To begin with, the flight is only 11 hours long and Russia is only 9 hours ahead of us which will make for an easier adjustment to his internal clock. Secondly, he's never been to Russia, so there is the excitement of going to a new place. I wish I could go with him. I would love to go to Moscow and see Red Square.

The weather is already cold there, so he is packing up his warmest clothing (which is dismal, considering where we live!). If he continues to travel regularly to Russia, he will have to invest in much warmer clothing. They've already seen some freezing weather, and it's only September. I can't imagine what it's going to be like in January. We're coastal Southerners, and when it gets below about 40 degrees, we stay inside with a roaring fire. We would never be able to live in Minnesota!


The kids and I will take him to the airport later this afternoon, and then we'll probably park out by the runways and watch the planes take off and land. He'll be away eleven days, and only be gone for one weekend, so the time will go much faster than for the China trips. He doesn't have to allow so much time on either end of the workweek for jet lag and travel.

So, we're spending the day together as a family, drinking in the time and savoring each sip. All to soon, it will be time to leave for the airport, but the sooner he goes, the sooner he comes home!

Reunion

I've mentioned before that Trevor did not want to go on this trip to China. I may have mentioned that he has called us every morning and every night since he has been gone.

No?

I only mention it now because if there was ever a man who hated talking on the phone, it would be my husband. We get in more fights spirited conversations over his a) inattention while we are on the phone (talking to other people, uh huh-ing me to death) or b) tone of voice and/or things he says (he thinks short and clipped is efficient and a good use of time...I think it's rude).


As you can see, the fact that he has called us so much is a true indicator of how much he misses us and wishes that he was back home. He called me yesterday morning to let me know that he had found a flight home a few days early since they were finished with all the work. He had been trying to confirm the flight since Friday, but they were all full.


So, as I am typing this, he is somewhere above Colorado and on his way home. I've been tracking his flight all morning in eager anticipation of his arrival. His mom is going to pick him up from the airport since I can't get away from work, but they are going to stop by on the way home so I can see him.

I changed the sheets this morning so he would have a fresh, clean bed to slip into when he gets home, and there is a full bottle of his favorite coffee creamer in the fridge. As I was changing the sheets, I was thinking about something Nathan said Sunday morning. He and Grace had crawled into bed with me, and as we were laying there talking and laughing he said, "Wouldn't this be great if Daddy were here with us?"

Yes. Yes it would.

The Diagnostic Shows No Problems

I have a 2005 Tahoe. I love my Tahoe. It's the perfect size for me and I plan to keep it for a really long time. We might even *gasp* pay this one off! Trevor keeps the oil changed and the fluids checked (he's handy like that) and it usually runs like the well oiled machine that it is.

Until Monday on the way home from work. I was sitting at a stop light (right before a long bridge) and when the light turned green I released the brake, stepped on the gas and...

went nowhere.

Imagine my surprise when my 3 year old vehicle decided that it didn't like to stay in gear any longer. The engine just revved up when I gave it gas, so I coasted into the providentially placed gas station to my right and promptly called Trevor. I tried switching gears (all of them including reverse), and all I got was wasted gas from the spinning engine. Trevor suggested turning the Tahoe off completely and then restarting the engine.

It worked!

I put it in gear and made my way back out to the road and put my blinker on to turn right on the bridge. I stepped on the gas and...

nothing.

After turning the engine off and restarting, I was able to move it to the shoulder and out of traffic. I called OnStar to do a vehicle diagnostic and almost laughed out loud when they said that the diagnostic showed no problems.

HA!

I'm not a mechanic, but I'm pretty sure that when the vehicle won't move, there is a problem. I wasn't thrilled with being on the shoulder of a bridge, with traffic whizzing by inches from my door, so I made it across the bridge by driving 20 feet at a time, turning the Tahoe off, starting it again and then driving another 20 feet.

Good times.

So by this time, Trevor was on his way. When he arrived, he did a once over and for the first time in our marriage did not have a ready solution to a mechanical problem. This is not a dig at his expertise, rather surprise. I mean, duh, he knew it was the transmission and checked a few things but beyond that, he was stumped. We called his brother to come tow us home, and while we were waiting in the dark with our two small children, I was suddenly glad that he has a concealed handgun license. And he's always packing. God bless Texas!

So, to make a long story even longer, we both took Tuesday off from work to tow the Tahoe to a transmission shop (the filter was completely clogged and there was a ton of metal shavings in the pan...whatever that means). They are still working on it, and I am the proud driver a stripped down, white, Ford Taurus.

Whoo hoo.

I can't wait to get my Tahoe back.

(Update: Ouch. It will be $2200 to repair the Tahoe. Praise God for the emergency fund!

Happy New Year!

Although we promised ourselves that we would start getting up early in preparation for going back to the real world of work and school, Trevor and I slept until we woke up this morning. Granted, we stayed up until the unheard of hour of 11:15 pm (we're seriously hard-core party animals), but we still needed to make an effort to get up.

Anyway, as we were sitting in the living room, sipping coffee and trying to wake up, Trevor made a most unusual request.

"How about we get out of the house with the kids and take a road trip?"

The silence was a bit deafening, due to the fact the day I had planned out in my head was the polar opposite of a road trip. Mine was more along the lines of laying on the couch and watching movies, never getting out of my flannel pajamas and perhaps getting in a game or two of Cadoo with Nathan. However, Trevor very seldom wants to just "get out of the house" so we were galvanized into action by his excitement about driving down towards Galveston.

I should mention a small detail here....this was a 90 mile trip one way. Yes folks, 90 miles with two children and the promise of a beach somewhere along the way. We went south through the boon docks of southeast Texas, and ended up on High Island. We ate lunch at a local dive restaurant, and got ready for the trip on the Bolivar ferry.

We ended up waiting about 40 minutes for the ferry, but it was worth the wait to see Nathan and Grace get so excited. We got out of the Tahoe, and went up to the observation deck with the bag of crackers we brought to feed to the seagulls. We were told that we had to go to the back of the ferry on the bottom deck to feed the birds, so we made our way back down to enjoy the aerial acrobatics of the gulls. Nathan just loved throwing the crackers into the flock and Trevor even had a gull take one directly from his hand. I took several pictures of the birds to try to show how close the gulls were to our heads. I could have literally reached up and touched them.

After the ferry ride (and a melt-down on Gracie's part because we had to get back in the Tahoe), we went on to Stuart beach in Galveston. Nathan lamented that he had not brought his swimming suit, and no amount of logic could convince him that the water was too cold. Gracie wanted to build a sand castle like Curious George, but I wasn't about to let them get covered in sand. I foresee a trip to the beach this summer!

After a pit stop at McDonalds, we decided to make our way back home and ended up going back to the mainland by way of the Lynchburg ferry. The road to the ferry also goes right past the San Jacinto Monument and the Battleship Texas. We promised Nathan and Grace that we would come back in the spring to tour them both. The kids got really excited about riding on another ferry, but were disappointed by the small size. The Bolivar ferry held about 60 cars, and this one only held about 12-15.

As Trevor and I evaluated the "fun factor" of the impromptu trip, we decided that the kids were still a little too young for this sort of outing. They would have had a better time if we had had a drive with a specific destination in mind, an opportunity to stay and enjoy said destination and then a trip home. Although we had a good time, we could see ways that it would have been better. Maybe next year.

Make a slideshow - it's easy!

He's Missing in the Details

There's only one toothbrush in the bathroom.
The level of clean boxers and t-shirts doesn't diminish daily.
I can't call anytime of the day just to chat.
The other side of the bed is cold when I migrate over in the middle of the night.
The fridge is covered with pictures and messages from the kids.
I had to put the new glider together by myself.
There was no one to enjoy the new glider with me once it was assembled.
There is one less dish to fill and then clean after dinner.
The 12-pack of Dr. Pepper is still full in the fridge.

I miss Trevor. It's been a long time since he has had to go to China (for which I am grateful), but I still miss him. I notice his absence in the little things, and then my thoughts wander down the path of permanent absence. What would I do if this were my life? What would I do without him?

I would live, of course. I would breathe in and out. I would wake up each morning, get up and care for our children. This is what I tell myself when those thoughts creep in. I force myself to do things that could wait until he gets home. I guess it's a way to prove to myself that I could do it if I had to.

But I don't want to.

But I could. When he gets home on the 5th, I'll be ever so excited and I will be grateful for yet another safe trip and return. I will be overjoyed that he is back with us and that I don't have to go on another minute without him. But as God as my witness, (and strength) I could.

Marriage Monday--Emotions

The topic today is emotion...who is the emotional one in your marriage, who holds back, and how do we handle the differences?

So, who is the emotional one in my marriage? I'm like Donkey on Shrek.... "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!" I am all over the chart with this one! I vacillate between burning rage and icy cold indifference. I usually am quick to admit that I have a short fuse, but the truth is that I also hold things in and let them simmer over time sometimes. It just depends on the situation.

For instance, if I have predetermined in my mind the way something is supposed to happen, I lose my cool really quickly if anything deters from The Plan. I don't like change, and if I have already decided how I think something should happen, I irrationally consider that "change" and immediately react with anger. Of course, the upside (is there an upside to anger?) is that I forget why I was mad like 5 minutes after I blow up.

This works out really well for me in my marriage because Trevor has the longest fuse of anyone that I have ever met. He is patient and very slow to anger. I can count on one hand in the 10 years that we have been married the number of times that he has truly been angry with me. I stopped counting the times I was angry after the first month. This is not to say that I don't irritate him or do things that make him mad, but he doesn't show it the way that I do.

Having said that, when he does get mad you better get out of his way. It literally takes years for me to mouth off one time too many, and then he lets me have it. I leave it all hanging out there for anyone to see, and he holds it in until he can't stand it anymore.

But, like I said, I am all over the chart in this area. Although I typically am quick to anger, and then forget why I was mad just as rapidly (a trait that my husband finds most annoying!), I do have the capacity to stew and simmer about something that is bothering me. If I let it get under my skin, I can hold a grudge and be coldly dismissive for a very long time. I think if the truth be told, Trevor would rather have the fiery hot temper in lieu of the cold grudge. At least with the outbursts he knows what he's dealing with right up front, which feeds his analytical, engineer brain. He knows that when he asks me what's wrong and I say "nothing" that he should just back away slowly and prepare for a siege.

The problem with this response is that by the time I feel he has "suffered" enough and I'm getting over it, he is just reaching the end of his fuse with how I am behaving. He's finally had enough, and I don't understand what he's getting so worked up about!

As you can imagine, the wild variances in my temper also translate into other emotions. I'm wildly joyful about the simplest things, and sometimes overly negative about others. The great thing about Trevor is that my wild emotions are tempered by his ability to handle pressure and to go with the flow. After all of these years, he can see the pre-anger signs more often and put out the spark before it turns into a roaring fire. Now that all this is written out for me to see in black and white, I'm starting to think that I might need to seek professional help!

I often need to be reminded by Trevor to think before I speak in anger, and I have been actively working on this area of my life for some time now. I am starting a self-study of James with this particular personality trait of mine in mind!

For more Marriage Monday, go here.

It's Just Wax

As I write this, Trevor is laying on the living room floor with both kids rolling around on top of him. This is one of their favorite pastimes. The more rambunctious, the better.

As I watch them, I am struck by how happy our lives are and how quickly it could all change. Trevor is flying to Tulsa on business tomorrow and I always experience a bit of anxiety when he travels. My mind always wanders down that road. You know the one....what if he never comes back? What if his plane goes down, or he gets in a terrible traffic accident, or there is a tornado? Even worse, who is going to do all the dirty work around here?

I had a renewed appreciation for my husband this past weekend. Without going into the gory details, our sewage pipes backed up and needed immediate repair. This happened, of course, on the Sunday night before Labor Day and we didn't even want to contemplate the cost associated with calling a plumber out on a holiday. So, Trevor pulled up a few deck boards to access the pipes and started trying to clear what he assumed was a blockage.

Three hours later, after threading the water hose through the pipe no less than 23 times, trying the power washer once or twice and then going back to the water hose he finally got the water flowing through the pipes again. It will still probably require a professional plumber, but at least we can call him at our leisure and after adequate time to budget some money for the visit.

As I sat in the front yard at 10:30 at night with him, I was overcome with laughter. His arm was literally up to the shoulder in the pipe and you would not believe the stuff that was overflowing out of it. I got the giggles, because of an incident that took place about a year ago. In the days following my grandfather's funeral, my brother, Trevor and my brother-in-law David went about fixing things in my grandmother's house. One of the jobs was replacing both toilets which were original to the house when Granny and Gramps built it.

If you have ever seen the wax ring that sits under the toilet, you will understand this story. It's a light brown color when it's new, and after time has passed it turns to a really gross dark brown color. So, as the boys got further and further along with the toilet replacement, the cleanliness (or lack thereof) of their hands became the running joke.

Every time one of them would touch something questionable, they would just say in a not-so- convincing tone of voice, "It's just wax."

So, as I sat there watching Trevor slog through our sewage, we kept saying, "It's just wax....it's just wax." We were tired and the situation had stopped being fun about an hour and a half earlier. I could not stop laughing but at the same time I was so appreciative of Trevor and his willingness to touch all of that "wax" to fix our plumbing.

If I had been single when the toilet overflowed and covered our bathroom floor, I would have shrugged, cleaned up the water and paid a plumber my children's college savings to get the problem fixed. But, because I have an amazing man who can fix anything, I don't have to do that.

So, here's to a safe trip and arriving home in one piece. Seriously. I don't do wax.

Marriage Monday--How We Met

I have been dismally lax about participating in the Marriage Monday challenge, although I have been very energetic about reading everyone else's posts!

This week's topic is how we met our husbands and what drew me to him. I am going to follow Melissa's lead and direct you here to read our story. I wrote it around the time of our 10th anniversary, and the best part of the post was the comment that Trevor left for me. I literally cried when I saw it, and anyone who knows me would tell you that I am not a crier.

To see how other women met their husbands, visit Christine at Fruit in Season.

Random Pics

This is how Nathan and Trevor would spend most evenings if I would let them!

Gracie was so proud of this drawing...she asked me to take a picture of her!

I love, love, love, this picture of Gracie at the piano. She has a gift for music and I can't wait to see it develop as she gets older. She can match any pitch and she sings spot on.

I did say that these pictures were random. This one was from the 4th of July when we were in Louisiana. Gracie came to the dinner table with chocolate on her hand and she said, "I made a hole!" A hand shaped hole in the sheet cake, that is!




This was taken one Sunday morning before church. Gracie loves this dress and wants to spin around every time that she wears it.

I love catching the kids sitting with Trevor when I have the camera close by. He's actually asleep.

The Rhythm of Our Days

I must take this opportunity to say that our time away from the kids was, well....strange. The first morning without the responsibility of getting them up and dressed was bizarre. I was dressed and ready to walk out the door in 15 minutes flat. (I am very low-maintenance...no makeup and I wear scrubs to work) I arrived at work long before I intended to, so Tuesday morning I slept later and took my sweet time getting dressed and driving to work. I still got there a little early, but better than Monday.

Monday evening after work, Trevor and I met for dinner and then found ourselves at Barnes and Noble going our separate ways. I found a few new books and enjoyed the leisurely browsing without constantly checking my watch. Tuesday night we met for a movie (Transformers...great special effects/way too long) and then wandered around Best Buy afterwards. We decided to get some coffee and as we were sitting there sipping our lattes, Trevor announced that he was hungry, so we went across the street to Chili's and had a late dinner.

We got home around 10 pm (which might as well be 2 am as far as we are concerned!) and didn't go to bed until around 11. We were a bit horrified when we rolled out of bed around 9 am because we knew that we would have a terrible time getting up Thursday morning for work, but it was still sort of nice to sleep for as long as we wanted to. Even on days off, I still have the kids there to wake me up if I dare sleep past 7 am, so it was a nice change!

When spent a good portion of the morning cleaning Nathan's room and the playroom. "Cleaning" those rooms really means throwing out all of the crap they have accumulated since the last "cleaning". We emptied out all of the toy bins and threw away all of the McDonald's/Burger King/Sonic toys as well as old papers, broken toys and toys that we have always hated, but been unable to pry away from them. We separated baby toys out and put them in several bins to pull out when we have guests with really little kids. The others we put aside to donate to the church.

We rearranged Nathan's room and added some Lightening McQueen/Mater decorating accents for good measure. The tactic worked, because Nathan was so enamoured with his new room that he didn't even notice all the things that were missing.

We spent the early afternoon shopping together and then I rented a few movies and we curled up for a long afternoon of movies and relaxation. It was great to just sit around without getting up every 10 minutes to check and see if that piercing scream was from a severed limb or from run of the mill teasing. No baths to take, no hair to wash and dry, no bedtime prayers to say.

It was terrible.

Strangely enough, this was the bizarre portion of the time without the kids. I missed rhythm of our days and nights together, although I didn't miss the day to day grind of discipline and feeling like all I ever do is fuss at them. The break made me realize that I do so much more than fuss and correct Nathan and Grace. All of the little moments that we spend talking, playing and praying are precious and I spend more time than I realized doing those things with my kids. It made me feel better about my mothering skills (and who hasn't had those thoughts run through their head from time to time?) and about the kind of life my children have in general.

All in all, Trevor and I hold our own in the "raising kids" department. There is always room for improvement and God-willing we will always strive to become better parents, but on the whole, we're not doing too badly. For now, I'm just glad to have my beautiful children back home where they belong. I have to go....I think I hear Grace splashing around in the bathroom. Is that splashing coming from the sink or the toil........Grace!!!!!!!!!

A Good Day

It's been a good day. No particular reason, it's just been a good day. Just like Tuesday was a not so good day for no particular reason. Work has gone smoothly and I've been indulging in a little daydreaming about the upcoming weekend.

My mom and dad are coming to town tomorrow morning and plan to get the kids from Heather's so they can spend some time together. They have a wedding to attend on Saturday evening, and then they are returning to Louisiana Sunday with the kids! Now you see why I have been doing a little daydreaming. They will be keeping bringing them back to us Thursday afternoon, so we have a lot of scheming and planning to do.

I realized (with a little thrill in my chest) that we can go to church Sunday evening for our small group and not have Nathan and Grace in tow. We can stay after and visit for as long as we want to without worrying about getting Gracie out of the nursery, or constantly keeping Nathan in check as we try to have an adult conversation. When you have kids, it's the little things that make such a difference!

We are actually planning to take Wednesday off together so we can go see a movie and maybe spend some well-deserved time at Barnes and Noble. It will be nice to have some one-on-one alone time. We were able to get away together when we went to Florida, but most of our time was spent with family. This time, we can just hole up together and do whatever we want.

Oh, the joy! the bliss!

Of course, I will be missing Nathan's questions and Gracie's little face by the time I go to bed Sunday evening, but not enough to have them brought home early. I intend to enjoy every moment of peace and quiet as long as it lasts.

The Antidote to My Stress

I would like to take a minute and give a shout- out to my awesome husband today. Our church is in the midst of the craziness we like to call Vacation Bible School. I am helping with the refreshments this year (I did not want a repeat of last year's near heat stroke from being a "walker"), which means that I get to work in the comfortable, air conditioned kitchen and den. All in all a really cushy job and I am working with some truly wonderful women that I am getting to know better.

However, in order to participate in said VBS, I have to go directly to church after work with no time for dinner or winding down before hitting the floor running to get snacks ready for the kids. Our census is climbing back up at work and as a result, I am not leaving until right at five (or six, like last night) which really rushes me for getting to church on time.

Anyway, for the last two evenings when I have walked through the front door, Trevor has been so attentive and wonderful. It's like he knew that I would need extra love and attention this week and has really stepped up to the plate. He made sure my Vanilla Coke Zero was frosty cold on Monday night, and took care of getting the kids fed and into bed. Last night he brought me a cold drink (not realizing that I already had one), but he still gets huge points for the thought. It's not as though he has cooked 7 course meals every night and lavished me with gifts, but it's the little gestures that mean so much.

When he does things that make me more comfortable, it makes me feel more secure and loved and I want to do things for him in return. Isn't that what our marriages are all about, really? When you give cheerfully and with a loving heart, it always comes back to you tenfold. He doesn't do things for me to keep me quiet (I don't think) or to trick me in some way. He does things for me because he loves and cherishes me. I, in turn, am more motivated to submit to him willingly and gladly because I know he genuinely has my best interests at heart. It's beautiful the way God intended our marriages to be, the giving and taking is so circular and it just feeds on itself.

Thank you God. Thank you for a loving, devoted, faithful husband that I can count on day in and day out. Help me to love him better and to meet his needs the way he meets mine.

And baby....you rock my face off!

Poster Child for Crankiness

I am sad to report that I have not been the model of a Godly wife or mother today. It started badly when I was awakened at 5am by the town fire alarm, which was roughly 3 hours before I was planning on opening my eyes. I tried to go back to sleep but it turned out to be an impossible task, so I got up and logged on to the computer for a little blog browsing and email checking.

Once I finished with the computer, I turned on the television and promptly fell asleep watching "Planet Earth". The next thing I know, the kids are bouncing around the couch clamoring for breakfast. And so it began. I was a poster child for how to not be a nurturing loving wife and mother. I was tired and I was cranky, and I didn't care who knew it. I stomped around for a little while doing some last minute packing and fussing at the kids every time they looked like they might be thinking of getting in my way.

Trevor did his best to fly under my radar, but even he became something of a target for the fiery darts that were coming out of my mouth. So much for the marriage challenge! So much for my plans and lists of things that I was going to do better. The sad part was that the meaner and more spiteful that I was, the less I cared. I was like a child who knows they are wrong, but have gone so far that they refuse to turn back out of sheer stubbornness. That was me today....completely rebellious and stubborn. Knowing what I needed to do to correct the situation, but simply unwilling to do it.

I hate days like that. I wish I could say that I never have them and that I always treat my family with nurturing love and affection, but I don't. I nag my husband and I yell at my children. I stomp around and slam doors when I should be falling on my knees and praying for a change of heart and to be filled with the Spirit. It was 3:48pm before I did that, and I was exhausted. I had tired myself out with all of the negativity and strife. It's much harder to maintain a bad attitude than you might think, and when I finally responded to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and asked for forgiveness and a clean heart, the day suddenly seemed so much better.

I followed that prayer with a long nap and when I got up, I was refreshed and ready to treat my family with a little more respect and patience. I was still far from the model I was trying to be, but by the grace of God I was better. And who knows? In the words of Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler, "Tomorrow is another day" and hopefully I'll remember to start the day with prayer instead of just ending it that way!

Working Under Protest

It seems a little unfair that I have to be at work today. I mean, shouldn't the world stop for Trevor and I? Shouldn't we be given paid leave to stay home and spend time together after such a long separation?

Obviously not.

That's why I'm sitting in front of a computer at work on my lunch break instead of doing something fun with my husband. I've probably called him 8 times today just because I can. When he is in China, I have a very narrow window of opportunity when we are both awake to make phone calls. The idea of calling him at will, now that he's home, is just too tempting to pass up.

To make matters worse, I have a meeting tonight from 5-7 pm after work that I have to attend, so I will be getting home just in time for us to go to bed. His internal clock is still on the fritz, so we go to bed really early right now. We'll ease back into our normal schedule over the next few weeks, but for now bedtime is between 8 and 9 pm. Why, you ask? Why don't you just stay up and let him go to bed? Because I want to spend every waking and sleeping moment with him, that's why!

I hope that he gets back on schedule this week, because we are going to Louisiana this weekend to see Courtney and Jack! I want him to be fully alert and ready to visit while we are there. I haven't seen them since January, and I can't wait to hold Jack again and to see all of his new tricks. They change so much in the first year, and based on the pictures that Courtney sends faithfully I can tell that he is a completely different baby.

So, I am waiting for this day to be over so I can rush home to Trevor and the kids. I don't mind wishing my life away when I am at work because it's not really my life. My life is waiting for me at home.

Weird Civility

Usually the anticipation of an event is as satisfying as the event itself for me. Not this time. Nothing compares to having Trevor home with us. To be able to stretch my foot out in the middle of the night and find a warm leg to touch instead of a vast expanse of cold sheet was comforting. I did it over and over again last night just to reassure myself that Trevor was indeed home, and then I snuggled further down into my blankets with a feeling of total security and peace as I drifted back to sleep.

It's a little strange having him home, though. For the first few days that he is home, we treat each other with this weird civility...we're almost too polite, if that is possible. It's as if we are testing the waters of our relationship after no real contact for 2 weeks. Have the boundaries changed? Can I do this or that? I know it seems strange...two weeks is not that long to be apart, but we always have this little dance when he gets home. By day three we are completely back to normal and it's as if he never left, but it always takes a little time to readjust.

We have a birthday party to attend this afternoon from 4-6 pm for Gracie's friend Paige, and the kids are really looking forward to it. They are going to have a moonwalk and wade pool to play in, and Nathan and Grace can't wait to go. They are taking a nap right now so they won't turn into Mr. and Mrs. Crankypants in the middle of the party.

Speaking of pants....Gracie is doing really well with her potty training. I had been bragging to Trevor about how she wasn't having any accidents, etc and as soon as he got home yesterday she wet her panties not just once, but twice! It's like having an extra person in the house threw her energy all off and she was suddenly unable to use the toilet. Trevor jokingly told me that I was making the whole thing up and lied about the potty training.

I am happy to report that she has been clean and dry all day today and that her issues yesterday were probably just related to her excitement over Daddy being home again. So what we have here is the obvious conclusion....it was Trevor's fault. According to him, it's somehow always his fault, so I think we should stick with this line of reasoning.

We are planning to have dinner with Trevor's parents for Father's Day tonight. We are going to meet them at Chili's when they get out of church. I'm really liking this new tradition of dinner the night before Mother's/Father's Day with his parents so we can spend the next day celebrating however we want to.

Short and Sweet

I am going to keep this one short and sweet today. Trevor is home!!!!! I would love to sit here and stare at this computer screen, but I actually have better things to do tonight. Nathan and Gracie are so excited to have him back and I am enjoying just sitting here being near him.

I will get back into the swing of things with my blog tomorrow, but for tonight I am going to spend my time with my husband.