Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Poster Child for Crankiness

I am sad to report that I have not been the model of a Godly wife or mother today. It started badly when I was awakened at 5am by the town fire alarm, which was roughly 3 hours before I was planning on opening my eyes. I tried to go back to sleep but it turned out to be an impossible task, so I got up and logged on to the computer for a little blog browsing and email checking.

Once I finished with the computer, I turned on the television and promptly fell asleep watching "Planet Earth". The next thing I know, the kids are bouncing around the couch clamoring for breakfast. And so it began. I was a poster child for how to not be a nurturing loving wife and mother. I was tired and I was cranky, and I didn't care who knew it. I stomped around for a little while doing some last minute packing and fussing at the kids every time they looked like they might be thinking of getting in my way.

Trevor did his best to fly under my radar, but even he became something of a target for the fiery darts that were coming out of my mouth. So much for the marriage challenge! So much for my plans and lists of things that I was going to do better. The sad part was that the meaner and more spiteful that I was, the less I cared. I was like a child who knows they are wrong, but have gone so far that they refuse to turn back out of sheer stubbornness. That was me today....completely rebellious and stubborn. Knowing what I needed to do to correct the situation, but simply unwilling to do it.

I hate days like that. I wish I could say that I never have them and that I always treat my family with nurturing love and affection, but I don't. I nag my husband and I yell at my children. I stomp around and slam doors when I should be falling on my knees and praying for a change of heart and to be filled with the Spirit. It was 3:48pm before I did that, and I was exhausted. I had tired myself out with all of the negativity and strife. It's much harder to maintain a bad attitude than you might think, and when I finally responded to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and asked for forgiveness and a clean heart, the day suddenly seemed so much better.

I followed that prayer with a long nap and when I got up, I was refreshed and ready to treat my family with a little more respect and patience. I was still far from the model I was trying to be, but by the grace of God I was better. And who knows? In the words of Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler, "Tomorrow is another day" and hopefully I'll remember to start the day with prayer instead of just ending it that way!

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