Sunday, July 22, 2007

A Positive Direction

I was a little shocked when I realized that it has been a week since I posted. I guess my break last weekend really went to my head and I just neglected blogging just as obsessively as I had been doing it before! This is not to say that I have not been reading my friends' blogs or checking my email, but I just didn't have much to say this week.

Well, ok....maybe that's not entirely true. I always have something to say, but I couldn't seem to get my thoughts together long enough for the past few days to create any sort of understandable missive. Anyhoo, here I am and hopefully my thoughts will be more organized this week.

This past week has been a strange one for me. To begin with, I started The Diet again and that always puts me in a wonderful mood. I am encouraged, however, because the pounds seem to be melting off and I'm not as hungry as I thought I would be. I am praying for perseverance because that is always my problem. The first few months of Dieting (yes, I intend to capitalize that word every time) are usually pretty easy for me because I am motivated and excited about what I am doing. Then the newness wears off, and I start having those thoughts. If you have ever seriously Dieted, then you know what I'm talking about.

"I'm not going to worry about this meal/dessert because I have done so well that it won't matter if I gorge myself this time."


My problem is that that one meal/dessert turns into 2 and then 6 and then I am spiralling out of control and slowly gaining back all of the weight I fought so hard to lose to begin with. The funny thing about it, is that I am always genuinely surprised when I put on my pants (that I bought because of the new, slimmer me) and they are tight and then, later, horrified because they will no longer go on at all. So, I am starting over again this week and I have a partner in crime at work, so there is someone to hold me accountable every day. And that's all I have to say about that.

On a more positive note, I really feel like I am improving in the "control my temper/submit to my husband" areas of my life. I have made a real effort to speak to Nathan and Grace in a reasonable tone of voice even when the voice in my head is screaming, "What's the matter with you! The furniture is not a jungle gym!!!" I have noticed that they are both responding to me differently as well. I think they are starting to realize that my first reaction is no longer yelling, and they have been doing what I say the first time more frequently. It's amazing what the tone of your voice can do.

I have also been praying and striving to be more submissive to Trevor. I have tried to hold my tongue (with limited success) and remember that my job is to respect my husband and do everything I can to make our home a comfortable environment for him. This behavior is definitely a work in progress and I can't claim that I am a model of submission and respect, but I am praying daily that the Spirit will fill me so that I can overcome all the rebellious behaviors that have become such a habit for me.

So, all in all I have had a good week and I am looking forward to the next with the expectation that I will continue in a positive direction with all of the areas in my life on which I am actively working.

1 comment:

Karen said...

Hi Xandra,
I've been out of the loop for a while and just now catching up. I can relate so well to this post on trying to behave better with the kids. I tend to be a 'yeller' with my kids, and when they were young I was so beside myself. I remember reading an article about how that kind of behavior can become a strong habit. I know it was true for me. I had to work at doing tangilbe things to intervene with the kids, and I'll admit, I still do! It sounds like you are on the right track by addressing the issue.

Don't be too hard on yourself, being a mom is the toughest job in the world!