Friday, April 13, 2007

I Am My Beloved's

A week from today, Trevor and I will be driving to San Antonio for the weekend to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. Ten years. It doesn't seem that long, but I can't deny the facts. At this time 10 years ago, I was tying up loose ends regarding the wedding and Trevor was making plans to drive home from Virginia with his best friend Phil.

Trevor and I have known each other for almost 22 years. We met in Jr. High band in 1985 and have been friends (with a few bumps in the road) ever since. We went through high school together and then I went to college and Trevor joined the Navy. Over the years, we still remained friends and even tried dating a time or two but it never seemed to work out. He would come home on leave for Christmas or some other holiday, and we would get together for a dinner and a movie, or I would go out to his parents house for a visit.

He came home in December of 1996 and we met for our usual dinner and catch up time. We were both involved with other people, but both of those relationships were coming to an end for various reasons. I vividly remember sitting across from him at The Black-Eyed Pea and feeling like I had been struck by lightning. I realized at that moment that I had been so blind to the fact that he was my soul mate and I felt a rush of regret that I had not seen it sooner. Retrospectively, we would have never made it if we had married sooner. We we were both too selfish and immature to even consider the covenant relationship of marriage. God knew the right time and place for the two of us to come to together and it happened exactly as He intended it.

Over the next few weeks we spent obscene amounts of time on the phone with each other and we gave the US Postal Service a run for their money with all of the letter writing that we did! By mid-January we were engaged and Trevor was flying home from Virginia every two weeks to spend the weekend with me. I had a little apartment in the Medical Center and we spent those weekends together remembering the times that we had spent together and planning for our future. I look back on those hastily snatched days together as some of the best memories of my life. I remember asking Mama how she kept the intense feeling of love and attraction alive in her marriage over the years. She told me that every marriage goes through highs and lows, but to remember one important thing. She told me to always remember how I felt when I saw Trevor walking towards me down the concourse at the airport as I eagerly awaited the feeling of his embrace. She said that no matter how bad things may get from time to time that if I could recall that feeling of total love and devotion, it would help me get through those difficult times.

I can say with complete honesty that her advice was some of the best she has ever given me. After 10 years together, there have been times when we were simply living from day to day with no real passion. During those times, all I had to do was see him through my minds eye walking towards me with his arms open and that beautiful smile of love and desire on his face. It wasn't a magical cure for our difficult times, but it gave me hope that those intense feelings would resurface and that our marriage would be that much stronger for the challenges we faced together.

Trevor is my best friend. He is the person I want to talk to when I have good news or bad. I turn to him for comfort, support, guidance and unconditional love. We have a mutual respect for each other and a relationship built on complete trust and honesty. When I ask Trevor if I look fat in a dress, I know that he is going to tell me the truth. We don't play those games with each's counterproductive and only causes hurt feelings. I can tell him anything....even my deep, dark secrets that only God has heard.

I thank God on a daily basis for my husband. He is my best friend and the love of my life. I look forward to remaining years that God has given us. Whether it's 1 more year or 30 more years with him, I will love him as much at the end as I did at the beginning.

I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine. Song of Solomon 6:3


t_kopecky said...

I usually use humor in most of my comments, but I will try to restrain myself, as this is one of the most important subjects in my life.

I met Xandra when I started 7th grade. We were in band together, and both played trombone. I remember asking our friend Bruce, "What's her name again? It starts with an 'X'?" Don't know why (but I'm sure my 'crush' had something to do with it) but we became fast friends, and have been almost ever since.

During our schooling days, I tried MANY times to get her to go out with/date me, but something always came between us. I harassed the heck out of her—to no avail. Nevertheless, our friendship was always there, and for some strange reason, we were always closer than most. Must have been God’s hand.

Anyway, like she said, there were years of ups & downs, but we were always there. I have always loved her deeply, but there are times I didn’t like her very much. And now, after 10 years of marriage, I can’t imagine life any other way. I have very few memories that don’t have Xandra in them.

I like to believe that we have a better-than-typical marriage. We have our arguments, but I believe that we temper our thoughts and feelings with more ‘common sense’ than some other unions I have witnessed. Maybe the entire process of being married is simply that much easier when you love someone this much—I don’t know for sure. All I do know is that she is there. No matter what I’m feeling, or need to say, or need to yell, or need to cry about, she is there. In the end, that’s all that matters. Did you ever have someone that you can completely rely on 100% of the time? You should try it. It makes life’s problems that much easier to deal with.

Talk of our wedding anniversary must include talk of our children. When we were first married, neither of us wanted—or even liked—children. Then about 6.83 years ago, our hearts were softened, and now we have 6 year old Nathan, and 2 year old Grace. I cannot imagine life without them, and their mother means the world to me.

So, when speaking about Xandra, I can say these things:
• She is my best friend
• She is my wife, and a Christian wife, at that
• She is the mother of my children
• She is my ‘soul mate’
• She is my lover
• She is my voice of reason
• She is my conscience
• She is my life

So, if the good Lord will grant me, I hope we have another 10 years and beyond to spend together.

Xandra, on this, our celebration of 10 years ‘officially’ together, I reaffirm my vows to have you as my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.

I hope to, many years from now, look across the table at IHOP, and see your wrinkled face looking back at me, still trying to hold my hand.

I love you…

April 13, 2007 9:41 AM

(I realized months later that Trevor had used my full name in his response, and had to copy his original response and repost it with the correction.)

Anonymous said...

WOW!! That was special reading about the two of you - and from both of you as well. It's not often we hear the voice of the husband on blogs (unless they have their own blogs) and it was so lovely to see the deep love you both have to each other.

I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy right now :)

Anonymous said...

Re-reading this 3yrs later I'm still going WOW! :) I love your story, I love seeing your love. I love that I've 'met' you and have had the priviledge of having a glimpse into your heart through your blog and meeting your family online. You are such a beautiful woman Xandra!! I pray God continue to abundantly bless you, Trevor and your wonderful kids as you walk through the rest of your life together. HAPPY (2010) ANNIVERSARY!! :) xxFaraja