Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Close My Mouth and Open My Mind

I do not like change. Never have and probably never will. I can hang on to a ragged pair of shoes long past the time that they should have been retired simply because I don't want to deal with new ones. The possible blisters and breaking in and the way they make my feet look different.

I get upset when my computer browser changes appearance or when I have to navigate a new cell phone design. I rant and I rave to Trevor about how stupid this new browser is....what was wrong with the old one? How do I get to the contacts on my new cell phone? Trevor just sits as quietly and motionless as possible hoping that I won't take notice of him and turn all that frustration in his direction. I tend to use the word stupid a great deal and usually end up in a really bad mood with the computer off or the cell phone closed with the announcement that I hate it and will not EVER use it. Trevor continues to sit quietly in his chair, trying to act like he's not there.

Over the course of the next few days I gradually learn the new system and before long I am recommending my cell phone to anyone who will listen, and troubleshooting browser problems for my friends. This is how I operate. I don't like meeting new people (I'm not used to them and they might be weird). I get upset at anything that changes my routine or system (I'm highly organized and change upsets the efficient flow of my life). I'm not real thrilled about the first day of school, first day of work...basically the first day of anything (too many unknown variables).

I see this trait in my son and it disturbs me a little bit. He needs time to adapt to new things and situations and I see his frustration. It looks just like mine and I don't like it. I'm unreasonable and more than a little mean-spirited when I'm frustrated and I hate seeing that in my 6 year old. The needing time to adapt doesn't bother me.....I don't think we can change our gut instinct. But we can change our reaction and that's what I am trying to do. Change my reaction from, "that is so stupid...what's wrong with the way it is?" to "this looks like it might have possibilities...let me try it out!"

So, my prayer this morning is that I will choose to react in a more positive way to change for myself, and also for the sake of my son and the sanity of my ever patient husband. Lord, please close my mouth and open my mind. Amen.

1 comment:

Kellye said...

You can do eeet!