The Talk

So Nathan is almost nine years old now, and Trevor and I felt like it was time to sit him down and give him the "talk".  He's had books for several years now showing the male and female reproductive systems in full color detail, and he's known for a long time that he and Grace don't have the same anatomy.  In the past, he's never made the connection that the sperm had to get to the egg, he just knew that it happened and that's how a baby was made.

But he's recently asked the definition of some words that he's heard on the bus, and mentioned a few things in passing that made us feel like it was time to explain things a little further.  I was in third grade when Mama sat me down with the color plates in the Encyclopedia Britannica and revealed the mysteries of reproduction.  Well, she revealed and I promptly forgot most of the details.

Anyway, Trevor sat him down today with his science book and the Bible and explained it all.  Nathan finally made the connection between the egg and the sperm, and with a confused look asked, "But how does this get to this?"  When Trevor told him, his only response was "gross".  Trevor said that he went slowly and gave as much information as he thought Nathan could handle, and no more.  He said that Nathan was clearly not ready to discuss temptation and the pleasure associated with sex, but made sure that Nathan knew he could always talk to him if he had any questions.  They also read a few passages in scripture to reinforce the sanctity of marriage and the importance of waiting for that covenant relationship.

I think that Nathan has plenty to think about (with strict instructions to not discuss any of this with his friends at school), and that Trevor has paved the way to an open and lasting dialogue with our son regarding a subject that is all too often taboo between parents and children.  Our hope is that by allowing him to openly ask questions without embarrassment and establishing our authority in this area, that he will be less apt to give in to temptation when he gets older.

To Die is Gain

"For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." We all understand how (and hopefully strive) to fulfill the first part of this verse. As regenerate Christians, we strive to live our lives in a way that is pleasing to God. We weigh our decisions against the yardstick of scripture and the perfect example set for us by Christ.

But what does the second part of that verse mean? To die is gain. Dying to sin? Certainly that is one meaning. If we are to even try to be Christlike, we must die to our sinful nature and be truly reborn. It's not a matter of fixing our old life, it's a rebirth into a completely new one. One that is marked by our obedience and submission to the Father.

But "to die is gain" means something else as well. Out lives should be completely focused on the eternal implications of death when the end comes. This earth is completely temporal. The only thing that matters in this life is our obedience to God and our desire to glorify Him by being witnesses of His majesty and grace so that we may be used by the Holy Spirit to affect the eternal fate of those around us. Everything else is just dust in the wind. Our stuff, our jobs, even our relationships with those we love, all come in second to the command to love and obey God. We should be anxiously awaiting the time God has appointed for our deaths. We are assured of an inheritance far beyond the imagination and scope of man.

However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."

I Corinthians 2:9

Even the apostle Paul was torn between being used by God during his time here on earth, and the ultimate joy of dying and being with Christ forever.

For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better.

Philippians 1:21-23

So while we are here, let's make a difference. Comfort the hurting, love the unlovely and bring the truth of the gospel to every person God places in our path. Let's die to the world and remember that our earthly death is simply a stepping stone to the glorious, eternal future of praising God forever. Let's be so filled with the Spirit that we long for death, in the sense that we will finally see our Saviour face to face.

A Season of Grace

I have been reading the book of James in my quiet time over the last 4 weeks and God has revealed so much to me during that time. I've never really done a quiet time like this before. In the past I've pulled a devotional off of the shelf or used my Sunday School lesson, and there is nothing wrong with doing it that way. But I was feeling a real calling from God to consistently have a quiet time and to do it differently than I ever had before.

Boy I'm glad I listened!

There have been many verses that have spoken to me and affected a change in my daily behavior. The first was James 2:13:

"For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment." Let me say that again...."Mercy triumphs over judgment." Not sometimes, not occasionally, not just in those situations where we feel like it's in our best interest to be merciful....always. If we want to be shown mercy, we must be merciful. And shouldn't we want to show mercy because of the grace and mercy that God has freely given us in the person of Jesus Christ?

One of my biggest stumbling blocks is my judgmental nature. I am oh so quick to point out the faults and problems of others, but live in fear of being judged myself. Have I stopped being judgmental? Not completely, but I am seeing a change in my attitude and spirit. Although my initial gut reaction is judgment, my secondary response is close on it's heels. I really try to imagine what that person is going through that would make them act the way they do, and that is usually enough to spur me into a spirit of mercy and compassion.

My prayer every single morning has been that when people see me, that they will not see me, but will see Christ instead. I want to be so open to the Spirit and guided by Him, that I am transparent to the world and show God's glory in my every word and deed. Is this attainable? Nope. I sin and I stumble. If you ask my husband or children they would probably say, "Jesus who?" based on my behavior sometimes. But the more I strive to be like Christ and to be in the Word, the easier it is to see sinful behavior for what it is and to be open to God's conviction.

I have noticed that when I sin, I am instantly ashamed and feel the need to ask for forgiveness right then and there. This is a completely new experience for me, because I can honestly say that I have never been this close to the Lord in my life. I have had seasons where I was more obedient than others, but this is the first time that I have completely submitted myself to Him, which brings me to my next verse, James 4:7-8a:

"Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." This has been such a powerful verse in my daily walk. When I am tempted to do something sinful, this verse pops into my head. When I am submissive to God and try exhibit the attitudes and behaviors that He desires for me, the devil naturally flees from righteousness. And I pray the verse. I pray it when I sin and visualize Satan screaming in rage and defeat as God stands like a stone wall before me stopping and defeating the enemy.

There are so many other verses that have been revelations to me, but it would take hours of typing to share it all here. Suffice it to say that I would strongly recommend James as text for meditation and quiet time. I think I might move over to 1 Timothy next. Our pastor used it in his sermon last week, and I was strangely drawn to it. Have you ever turned to a passage in church and gotten so engrossed in reading that you missed part of the sermon? That's what I did this past Sunday (my apologies to Pastor Randy!), but it made me desire to know that particular chunk of scripture better.

God is good. He guides me and takes care of me daily. My life has been so changed since I started spending quality time first thing in the morning with Him. I thought I would never get used to rolling out of bed at 5:00 am every morning, but it has become such a habit that I'm not even bothered by it anymore. There have been a few mornings that I have been lazy (or sick), but all in all I have been consistent and that brings me a great deal of joy. I practically run to the living room with my hot, steaming mug of coffee to open my bible and see what God has in store for me. I read the same chapter all week, and every day God reveals something different. Some days my cross reference study shows me such amazing truths as I meander through the bible that I want to call someone and tell them! (And believe me, if it weren't 5:15 in the morning, more than one person would have received a call over the last few weeks!)

If this is an encouragement to you, then I give the glory to God. I fervently hope and pray that each of you enter into a season such as this...one of closeness and intimacy with the Lord.

Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:16

Spiritual Faux Pas Forgiven

Thank you, dear friends, for all of your comments and suggestions regarding my quiet time! I may not drop in at your house for coffee, or see you at church during the week, but I have come to know and love each of you through our mutual interest in blogging. I want you to know how much I appreciate your responses.

I decided that getting up later was not an option, so I tried saying a quick prayer before I began reading the Word, and found that He opened my eyes wide this morning! I felt like He was revealing Himself directly to me as I read and I was frantically jotting notes in the margin of my bible. At the rate I am going, the book of James in my bible is going to be overrun with my handwriting!

When I finished up with a more in-depth prayer time, I found that I had even more to praise and thank Him for because of the reading! I was so overwhelmed that I found myself on my knees in the dining room, worshiping and glorifying His name in a way that I had not done in a long time. Although I posted my frustrations about being sleepy in a slightly humorous way, it was a real problem and Satan was using it to convince me to just stay in bed. After this morning, I am renewed and my memory verses for this week are:

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

The only way that I will be consistently renewed and refreshed is by reading the Word of God and by having an active and healthy prayer life. I feel like a new person this morning!

Time Alone With God

I should probably start by saying that I am not a morning person. This will come as no surprise to those who know me, but I felt that it was important to point it out.

I read Melissa's blog, and followed the link the the 5:00 am Club and was intrigued. I have been very rebellious regarding my quiet time with God and being in the Word aside from my Sunday School and bible study preparation. I have become so accustomed to either not having one at all, or just doing it when it seems convenient that I have completely forgotten what a blessing it is to start my day with real prayer and meditation.

I am ashamed to admit that the last time I really tried to commit myself to a regular quiet time was back in 2003. This is one area of my Christian walk where I am really weak, and I have been convicted of it in recent months. So, this morning I got up at 5:20am and prepared to have my quiet time before the kids rolled (leaped) out of bed. I felt like I needed something to guide me, so I pulled the Beth Moore book Whispers of Hope off the bookshelf, blew off the dust and dug in.

The book is intended to encourage prayer life (another area where I feel like I fail over and over again) and I was so excited to rediscover this tool that would help me stengthen my two weakest points. The devotional is broken up into 70 days of prayer and meditation and I was horrified that I only did 6 of them the last time.

Six.

Six measly days. That's as long as I could manage to stick with my quiet time.

Pathetic.

So, as you can imagine, I was excited about renewing my commitment to the Lord and to really dig into the Word and be more consistent with my prayer life. As I started to sit down at the table, I decided that I would rather have my shower and get dressed first so that I would be ready when the kids got up. Once I was dressed and ready for work, I went back to the kitchen for a cup of coffee before I sat down to begin.

I can't tell you how good it felt to unburden my heart to the Lord! I felt like a huge weight had been lifted..."Create in me a clean heart!" my soul cried, and God heard my prayer. I was refreshed and ready to dive into the Word, open to whatever He wanted me to see and understand.

I ended up reading the chapters that contained the verses I had committed to memorize earlier in the week, and I was overcome by the truth in what I was reading. I was really getting absorbed the Word, when Gracie came shuffling into the kitchen in her Pull-up. (I guess I'll do quiet time before the shower tomorrow!) My reading became a little sporadic as I dealt with all of her questions and needs as she got dressed. I had to keep reminding myself to be patient with her (it seemed wrong to yell and fuss while I was reading the bible....is there a lesson here?)When I told her to go put her shoes on, this is how she appeared.....


After a quick shoe change, I finally got her settled in the playroom with a DVD and was able to finish my reading. When I said my final "amen", I felt so good and ready to face the day. I can't wait for tomorrow morning and the chance to do it all over again.

Two Are Better Than One

Can I just say that I have been totally entertained over the past few days by reading the blogs of my online friends? Entertained by how witty you are and funny your lives are, and the eerie resemblance they bear to my own!

I learned that Alana and I have the same tooth fairy...right on top of it for the first tooth, and then totally dropped the ball for the second one! As I woke up the morning after the Placing of the Tooth Under the Pillow, I realized with horror that I had totally forgotten to put any money there!!! I bolted out of bed, praying that he was still asleep. My heart sank as I went into his bedroom to find him with his head under the bed checking to see if the booty had fallen there. His tear filled eyes met mine, and I quickly constructed a story about how busy the tooth fairy had been last night and that I was sure she would come tonight.

Which she did. With applied interest.

Whew!

Danger averted!

Then there was Faraja who took reader requests and blogged about mine....a day in the life for her. But she did me one better! She did a week in the life and it was wonderful. It was complete with pictures and an interesting glimpse into her daily routine. I think we should all do that, because I feel like I know Faraja so much better know. Being aware of the whereabouts and schedules of friends makes them all the more close. This Friday I will be thinking, "Ooohhh! Faraja and the kids have a free day!" and it makes me feel like I am a girlfriend down the street who just waved as they passed by on their walk, instead of on the opposite side of the world.

Kate shared over the course of several days the journey she has made with her son John, and small glimpse into her future with him. It was honest and raw, and she reminded me that "underneath the makeup and the matching outfits and the small talk that make up our exteriors, we are a broken people. To pretend otherwise creates isolation. Thoughtful honesty creates closer relationships and greater understanding. When we share the way God works in the difficult things of life it encourages first oneself and then others." Go to her blog and promise you will receive a blessing.

Melissa got a new look, Christine introduced me to the Christian Woman Online Internet Cafe, and Karen invited me in for a quick coffee break. Lisa hosts the "I AM... so you don't have to be" online bible study and the responses of the women participating this round are so amazing. As I jumped from blog to blog, eager to to read another then another, I was so encouraged by how we all struggle with the same fears and that we all know how to overcome it if we will just take that step of faith and say "Yes!"

I found a new recipe at Southern Girl's Home Cookin', and learned how to put a cool signature at the bottom of my post from Alana who learned how from Debra. Go here if you would like to add one to your blog. Hopefully I am not the only person out there who has just figured out this technology!

So, technically I didn't post today about anything new or interesting in my life. I have been living vicariously through you guys and it's been a pleasure! Ya'll are awesome and I just want to thank each of you for making me laugh, making me think and sometimes making me cry. Surely God has blessed me because I am not alone...

Two are better than one,
Because they have a good reward for their labor.
For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.
But woe to him who is alone when he falls,
For he has no one to help him up.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Getting Rid of the Garbage

So after months and months of teaching Sunday school, attending my adult small group faithfully and teaching a bible study at work, I've finally been convicted. Yes, I am sad to report that it has taken over a year for me to be obedient to God in this particular area of my life, but the Holy Spirit is persistent and I am glad that He did not consider me a lost cause because of my rebelliousness. Praise God that none of us are lost causes!

Let me explain.

As I have studied the Word and allowed myself to really dig in and try to understand God's will through scripture, I have become hyper-aware of the trash that goes into my brain on a daily basis. TV programming, books, commercials, newspapers and the Internet are filled with images and language that I have no business watching or listening to. My favorite TV program glorifies a lifestyle filled with adultery, promiscuity, homosexuality and lies. When I put it like that, I'm embarrassed that I enjoy the program so much, but I love watching this show! It's entertaining and I love the story lines and the characters.

But (and this is a big but), it's clear in scripture that we should fill our minds with things that are edifying and pure. "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things." Philippians 4:8 It most certainly does not tell us to watch Grey's Anatomy every week and see what kind of trouble Meredith is getting into.

We have been studying Ephesians in Sunday school and as I was preparing the lesson last week I was particularly struck by these verses. "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them." Ephesians 5:1-7

How many times have I laughed at a double entendre or created one of my own? How many times have I allowed a vulgar word to come out of my mouth? How many times have I laughed at a dirty joke? Too many times to count over the course of my life, I'm ashamed to admit. Our society is inundated with coarse humor, impurity and sexual immorality.

When I was a child, a movie that contained even one mild (by today's standards) curse word was immediately banned from the house. My children watch cartoons that reference bathroom functions, sexuality, drugs and cursing. We have become oblivious to it. We have children's books that promote homosexuality as an "alternate lifestyle". The traditional family with a father and a mother is becoming less and less common. The world is falling further and further into the pit of sin that destroys families and churches.

We have become so desensitized to sin, that we no longer recognize it for what it is. That is the danger for Christians. I am not going to cheat on my husband just because I see someone on TV doing it. I'm not going to develop a penchant for cursing simply because I hear it in a movie. But we too often fall into the "it's just entertainment, I would never do that in real life, God knows my heart" line of reasoning that we stumble into sin in spite of our excuses. I become so desensitized to it that I don't always teach my children what is truly right and wrong. I am oblivious to the language in movies when my spirit should be grieved.

So does this mean that we should hop up on our soapboxes and start pointing judgemental fingers at the world around us? Certainly not. We are still called to love and serve for the cause of Christ. We are responsible not just for spreading the gospel to a lost world, but to let Christ shine through us by example. What says more about your faith? That you can have a lengthy conversation around the water cooler about the most recent episode of Grey's Anatomy, or that you have the strength of conviction about what you believe to choose not to watch it?

I realize that we have to live in the world, but we should always strive to not be of the world. We should pray for purity of thought, heart and mind so that we can be effective witnesses. The only way to grow spiritually is to slowly throw off our sinful nature little by little.

So, I am diligently working to remove the plank from my own eye. I have decided that I am going to end my relationship with Grey's Anatomy in the fall. On one level, I am very sad that I will never know what happens to Meredith and McDreamy. Will Burke and Christina ever work things out? Will Izzie and George hook up or will he honor his wedding vows to Callie? Will Alex ever commit and settle down? (Do you see how ridiculously addicted I am to this show?)

On the other hand, it feels good to be obedient. It's a baby step, but with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and a little help from my friends, I feel confident that I can purge all the smut from my life short of becoming a hermit. So, who's with me? Who wants to join the challenge to be actively aware of what you are allowing into your brain? We can't avoid everything, or else we would all be living a more simple life in the Pennsylvania countryside. But we can filter everything that we watch, read and hear through the unfailing truth and purity of God's Word. Do this with me and see how good it feels to be obedient to Him...I promise you will end up with a song of thanksgiving in your heart and praising Him for being so good.

CONFESSION:

Just as I was finishing up an hour of typing out this entry, and was putting the finishing touches on it, I closed it in edit mode, and the computer went nuts and erased the last 2/3 of my post. This was one of those posts that I had written so well that I was very proud of it. When I saw that all I had left was the first few paragraphs, I was briefly nauseous and then very angry. I looked at my husband with wild eyes of rage and helplessness and said, "I lost all of my work" (an exaggeration, I know) and then "I just spend over an hour typing!" To this he responded, "I know" as in "I noticed that you were ignoring the kids and me while you were happily typing away at your laptop"

Here's the clencher....after all the talk about purity of mind and thought and being led by the Holy Spirit, I called him a name that I will not repeat here. I was so mad that I needed to blame someone, and he was the closest. I slammed the laptop down, and stormed off in a huff ignoring his confused look and attempts to figure out what was wrong.

Come to find out, he didn't mean it like I took it (this happens more than I like to admit) and went as far as to apologize to me because I misinterpreted what he said. As I lay there in bed, I just looked at him instead of instantly begging forgiveness for being such a pain in his behind. Even as he stood there I could see that he was struggling to be a man of God and not put me in my place too harshly. What he came up with was, "You don't need to get so angry and talk like that." I can't tell you how much I loved him in that moment.

Anyway, I hope it is an encouragement to you that even though I can't even practice what I preach for 20 seconds after I type it, I'm not going to give up! This is proof positive that even the best intentions and motives will fall flat if we try to rely on our own strength.

But the Greatest of These is Love

I have mentioned before that we are studying Ephesians in Sunday School, and I was convicted today as I prepared for the lesson this week. The text is Ephesians 4:1-17, and within these verses is contained one of the greatest things we can do to fulfill our calling as Christians. What is this thing, you ask? Paul instructs us in verses 1-3 to "walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

Sounds simple, doesn't it?

That's what I thought until I started digging deeper in my commentary and study guide. We are not just to tolerate one another until we can get out of Sunday morning worship. We are not supposed to simply roll our eyes and ignore that person (you know exactly who I'm talking about here) who tells the same lame joke over and over and thinks it's hilarious every, single time. This doesn't mean that we can smile to the faces of those who annoy us and then talk about them over lunch after church.

What this passage talks about is a real affection for brothers and sisters in Christ, and that being enabled by the Holy Spirit we embrace and love each other in the spirit of unity and peace. We put aside our selfish pride and we rebuke (and apologize, as the case may be) with an attitude of love and patience. I love that scripture in Proverbs! "Wounds from a friend are trustworthy"...wow! We should love and trust each other enough as children of the living God to be honest with each other. A loving rebuke from a friend can be trusted...I would much rather be lovingly critiqued by my friend than to be talked about by my enemies and never change the problem. It might hurt a little to hear it, but the joy of growing in Christ and strengthening those bonds with a fellow Christian are incomparable.

What this means is that we filter all those idiosyncrasies and annoying habits through the mind of Christ. Do your children's annoying habits make you love them less? What about your spouse? Parents? Of course not. We love them in spite of their faults and sometimes we love them more because of them.

If we are to be a spiritually mature church and unified in Christ, then we need to start seeing our fellow siblings in Christ in a much different light. I love this quote from Dr. D.G. Barnhouse: "Love is the key. Joy is love singing. Peace is love resting. Long-suffering is love enduring. Kindness is love's touch. Goodness is love's character. Faithfulness is love's habit. Gentleness is love's self-forgetfulness. Self-control is love holding the reins."

Lord, help me!!!!

Anyone who knows me is aware of my tendency to me judgemental and impatient in nature. I don't like frivolous people who tell stupid, predictable jokes. I don't like people who are superficial and those who have an insatiable need for attention and approval. I know how I like my people, and if you don't fit my bill I will more often than not just write you off as not worth my time or energy. But all the while I am silently pleading to not be judged myself. Please don't judge me by my weight or by my clothing. Please don't judge me because of my sometimes tactless mouth and watchful eyes.

Lord, help me.

This is one of many areas in my life that need an Extreme Makeover. I know what I need to do, but my heart is rebellious and I slip right back into those old, comfortable habits. I need to pray for a broken and repentant heart about this behavior. The only way that I am going to overcome this sin is through the working of the Holy Spirit, and I make a vow today: I will overcome. I will open myself fully to the Spirit and strive for spiritual maturity and unity within my own church. Lord, help me.

I've Been Tagged!

I've been tagged by Tammie Fay at His Word is Life to Me to tell 5 things I "dig" about Jesus.....now I really feel special! Actually, I had to Google the word meme after I read it a dozen times with all of the blog reading that I do! But now I'm in the know, and this is my first time to participate in blogland. Thanks Tammie Fay!!!

Here are the rules:

1. those tagged will share 5 things they dig about Jesus…
2. those tagged will tag 5 other bloggers…
3. those tagged will post a comment here with their name and a link to their “dig” Jesus list…

Here's my list:

1. He is sovereign. Period. (Isaiah 45)
2. He created me to be happy in Him. (Psalm 73:25-28)
3. When I am at my most unlovable, He loves me anyway. (Romans 8:38-39)
4. He chose me. (Romans 8:29-30)
5. I get to spend all of eternity praising Him because of His work on the cross. (John 14:1-3)

Now it's your turn girls!

1. Kellye My View With Mustard No Mayo
2. Christine Fruit in Season
3. Karen Over the Backyard Fence
4. Faraja The Girl With a 'Fro
5. OK...how sad is this. I only know one person personally who blogs, and the rest of the people I might tag are known only to me because I visit their websites. I don't want anyone to think I'm a cyber-stalker or anything! I guess I'll just leave this at 4 people and hope that none of them think I'm crazy!

As an aside, I was browsing through the websites on the Christian Women Online ring and came across this one. This is a must read. Seriously. You will nod your head in agreement. You will laugh so hard that you might need a Depend undergarment. Seriously.

Free Indeed

Then Jesus said... “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free....Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed." John 8:31-32, 34-36

We are privileged to live in a country where we are able to profess and practice our faith. We can meet to worship at any time and anywhere that we choose. So many brothers and sisters in Christ all over the world are unable to say that and are literally dying for their beliefs.

I believe in patriotism. I am proud to be an American and I am deeply moved by the men and women who have sacrificed their very lives so that I can live mine in freedom and safety. I am proud to salute our flag and say the words "One nation under God". I teach my children to respect and honor our flag and the ideals on which our country was founded.

But as deeply as I believe in patriotism, it doesn't even come close to the depth of belief that I have in the Word of God and in the promise that I will be victorious through Jesus Christ. As I gather with my family today and we celebrate our personal freedoms and our independence as a country, I will feel doubly blessed as I praise God for my freedom in Christ.

Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the coming of the Lord;
He is trampling out the vintage
Where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning
Of His terrible swift sword;
His truth is marching on.

I have seen Him in the watchfires
Of a hundred circling camps
They have builded Him an altar
In the evening dews and damps;
I can read His righteous sentence
By the dim and flaring lamps;
His day is marching on.

I have read a fiery gospel writ
In burnished rows of steel:
"As ye deal with My contemners,
So with you My grace shall deal":
Let the Hero born of woman
Crush the serpent with His heel,
Since God is marching on.

He has sounded forth the trumpet
That shall never call retreat;
He is sifting out the hearts of men
Before His judgement seat;
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him;
Be jubilant, my feet;
Our God is marching on.

In the beauty of the lilies
Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom
That transfigures you and me;
As He died to make men holy,
Let us die to make men free;
While God is marching on.

Chorus
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
His truth is marching on.

---The Battle Hymn of the Republic

Amen and Amen!

God is in Control

The lesson for Sunday School was a really good one this week. I should probably clarify that by saying that God's Word is always good, but sometimes it speaks to my heart more directly than others. We are studying the book of Ephesians, and this lesson focused on 3:14-21 which is one of Paul's prayers for the believers at Ephesus. It is an incredible model of how we are supposed to approach the Lord in prayer and for the things we should ask for when we pray.

As I taught the lesson to my group of ladies this morning, I really felt like the Spirit was speaking through me as an encouragement to them. I saw heads nodding (I don't think it was from sleepiness!) as I spoke and I really felt like I presented this scripture in a way that they had not thought of before. Knowing that God was using me was such an encouragement to me and made me mentally redouble my efforts to be the best Sunday School leader that I can be. I encouraged each person to use their spiritual gifts for the edification of the church and prayed that God would open up opportunities for me to be used as well.

At the end of morning worship, our friends Kenneth and Kellye walked down the aisle with their son Kaben. He made a profession of faith this morning and my heart was so full of joy for him and for our friends. As I watched him lean his head against the pastor's chest and say that prayer, I was struck once again at the power and might of our God. Without disclosing any unnecessary details, the circumstances surrounding Kaben's conception and birth were not ideal to say the least. But looking back at that and seeing how differently Kaben's life could have turned out, I was moved to tears at the way God uses every single circumstance in our lives to change and shape us into what He wants.

There was no way for Kellye to know 7 years ago when she took inventory of her life and then fell on her knees before God and allowed Him to turn her life completely around that it would have a lasting effect on my walk with God. But that is how God works. We are not meant to see the big picture, we just need to be willing to paint our little part of it. Seeing Kaben give his heart and life over to Jesus Christ strengthened my own conviction that God sends heartache and pain as well as joy and happiness to us, and it is all a part of the bigger plan. Praise God that He is in control of all things!

God’s grace is sufficient for me, for me
God’s grace is sufficient for me
When it seems all hope is gone,
He is high upon His throne
Working out the plan He started in me
Even when the way is dark, and I can’t see very far
He the Bright and Shining Light will be
I will worship and proclaim and give glory to His name
For His grace is sufficient for me.
---Greater Vision

God Be With You

I have been playing the piano a great deal since we bought ours and got it tuned, and it's been such a pleasure to lose myself in the music. I was playing through the hymnal the other night and came across this song that I haven't played (or sung) in years. It's called "God Be With You Till We Meet Again".

I used to belong to an organization when I was a girl called Rainbow Girls and at the close of each meeting during the week of our state convention, this song was our benediction. It brings back memories of those days as well as well as reminding me that my salvation has given me an adopted family. My deepest desire is that each member of my family will rely on God and His blessings in between times that we fellowship together. I offer this song as a reminder that we are all living separate lives, but will one day meet again at the feet of Jesus Christ.

God be with you till we meet again,
By his counsels guide, uphold you,
With his sheep securely fold you:
God be with you till we meet again.

Refrain
Till we meet, till we meet,
Till we meet at Jesus' feet;
Till we meet, till we meet,
God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again,
'Neath his wings securely hide you,
Daily manna still provide you:
God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again,
When life's perils thick confound you,
Put his loving arms around you:
God be with you till we meet again.

God be with you till we meet again,
Keep love's banner floating o'er you,
Smite death's threat'ning wave before you:
God be with you till we meet again

For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

One More Night

Well, my evening is not turning out the way that I had planned. According to my plan, I was was supposed to sweep in with a box of Popeye's chicken and biscuits, set the kids up with a picnic in the fort and cut the grass as they ate their dinner and enjoyed the great outdoors. The way it happened was that I swept in with the box of chicken and biscuits to a chorus of "I don't want chicken". Not only that, but Gracie had a fever of 103.4 and I was not about to put her outside to eat in the heat. So, plan B involved a blanket on the living room floor in front of the TV for an indoor picnic.

Although not quite according to plan, dinner turned out pretty well in spite of earlier protests as to the content. So, I went out side for the "cut the grass" portion of the plan only to discover that the lawn mower wouldn't start. Well, it would start but it bellowed smoke and the engine had a sad, feeble sound just before it died. I spent a good 20 minutes in the sun trying to figure it out (as well as a phone call to Trevor) and finally gave up. What this meant for me was that I was hot and sweaty as though I had been mowing, without the satisfaction of a freshly mowed lawn.

So here I am, preparing for my last evening without Trevor trying to decide what to do first. The sheets need to be changed on our bed, because there is no better feeling than to slip in between fresh clean sheets after a 17 hour flight. That is one thing that I always do the morning he gets gets home so that it is ready and waiting for him. I have laundry to take care of, dinner to make for myself, the kids need baths and medicine, the trash can needs to be brought in from the road and I would like a little down time for myself somewhere in there! Oh well...such is the life of a mother. I have to keep asking myself the question, "Will any of this matter in 6 months?" If the answer in "no" then I try not to let myself stress over it. I have more important things to stress and worry about without sweating the small stuff. Actually, I shouldn't stress and worry about anything. Jesus said:

"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

Amen and amen!

The countdown is moving forward. In 22 hours I will be in Trevor's arms again and the anticipation of that reunion is enough to get me through tonight with no worries!

Forgotten Lives

I love books. I love reading them, collecting them, browsing for them and looking through stacks of them at secondhand stores. I found myself at such an establishment yesterday afternoon on the way home from work. I was searching for a hymnal or two and maybe some old sheet music or songbooks to expand my music collection for the piano.

This old store has one row of books and to see them you have have to reach overhead and turn on a dim light. There is minimal air conditioning and the air in this aisle smells of dust and slowly decaying paper. The books are loosely organized by topic, but I still feel compelled to search each shelf just in case a treasure was overlooked and filed in the wrong place.

I must have spent an entire hour poring over one section in hopes of finding what I was looking for. What I found was what I always find when I am looking through old books. Lives. The lives of the people who owned the books before they ended up on a dusty shelf in an antique store. Most of the books have inscriptions and dates...who are these people? Why are their books here instead of on the shelf of a child or other close relative? Were they excited to receive the book for Christmas or their birthday? Was the book read over and over again with passages memorized over time with each reading, or was it pushed to the back of a bookcase and never read?

I found receipts and poems tucked away between the pages. Just the sort of thing I would do...using a scrap piece of paper as a bookmark. But in one of the hymnals, I found a poem taped to the back cover and I almost wept when I read it. It was a poem written not for winning hearts, but for breaking them. It was a poem of goodbyes and sorrow. I wondered about the woman who might have received that poem from her lover. Was her heart broken or was she expecting such an act?

There were so many unanswered questions, and my own mortality got up close and personal with me. What will I leave behind? Will there be someone in a secondhand store 75 years from now looking through my books wondering who I was? In spite of our best efforts, we leave so little behind. Not just in terms of the physical, but also the essence of who we were. Once those who knew us are gone, and there is no one left to remember the sound of our laughter or the smell of our skin, that is when we truly die.

Our life here on earth is too fleeting to waste it on things that won't matter in eternity. Just a few deep breaths, and we are finished. So I choose to live my life for Christ while I'm here. No reward or incentive in this life can compare with the glory that waits for me in heaven. My heart is in heaven.

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

Evil for Good

It's always amazing to me (although at this point in my life it shouldn't be) how the Holy Spirit works in our lives. When we least expect it we are used in such a way to touch the lives of other people not by our own design but by the moving of the Holy Spirit. I have been leading the bible study at work for the last 2 weeks and as I was preparing the lesson for today, I was at a dead end as far as how to present the material. We were studying the last half of the eleventh chapter of John. It tells the story of how the Pharisees begin to actively plot against Jesus to bring about His death.

As I was reading the scripture and poring over commentaries and reference books, I just couldn't get my mind around the point I wanted to make about the passage. It was right there on the tip of my brain, but I couldn't draw it out long enough to see it clearly. Then last night as I was laying in bed (with no preparation done for today's study) I made the connection between the passage and the fact that God uses evil for good in our lives. As I was drifting off to sleep, I was thinking of the passages of scripture that I wanted to use as reference. There was one in particular that Chris had used in Sunday School recently that really reinforced the concept of God's sovereignty.

That they may know from the rising of the sun to its setting
That there is none besides Me.
I am the LORD, and there is no other;
I form the light and create darkness,
I make peace and create calamity;
I, the LORD, do all these things.’
Isaiah 45:6-7

When I got to work this morning I received the news that a fellow employee was being let go. This was by no fault of her own and not a reflection on her performance, but a byproduct of downsizing and the uncertainty of the future. Ever since Memorial Hermann bought out our hospital, we have had many changes for the better. Overall, it has been a very positive merger and we have been satisfied with the way things are going. But, as with all merges, there are areas of uncertainty and upheaval and the cancer center seems to be one of those areas. Our doctor is uncertain of her tenure here, the patient load is dropping with no referrals in sight and as a result she had to let Becky go.

We are a tight knit group and when something bad happens to one of us, it happens to all of us. We are all in a state of semi-shock about Becky and we hate to see her leave our little group. So, as we gathered for bible study today in the conference room I realized that what I prepared was exactly what everyone needed to hear. We are not immune to bad things just because we accept Christ. Bad things happen to good people, even Christians. It is our response to those things that sets us apart from everyone else. Will I choose to praise God through my circumstance, being sure of His sovereignty and power or will I choose to lean on my own limited understanding and be broken and hollow because of what I cannot comprehend?

I had several people approach me after the study and tell me that what I said was exactly what they needed to hear today. That made me praise God that He was glorified and exalted by my preparation and study. Thank you God. Thank you for using me even when I am unaware that I am being used. Thank you for the work of the Holy Spirit that my heart might continue to be broken and reshaped for your glory.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
II Corinthians 4:16-18

Love and Sacrifice

How can I take one day and attempt to show my mom how much I love her? I can't. It's like Valentines Day...if you have to have a special day to remind you to appreciate your lover, then you don't really appreciate your lover.

I'm one of the lucky ones...I truly love and cherish my mom. She's the first person I want to call when I have good (or bad) news. I trust her judgement and value her opinion. If you had asked me 20 years ago if I would ever feel that way, I would have answered with a resounding "no!" We had a tumultuous relationship when I was a child and adolescent and I hope that when my daughter starts to behave the way I did, that I will respond with half the restraint that Mama did!

I have so many memories of Mama that it's hard to decide which ones to include here. There are so many that are an integral part of who I am that it's almost impossible to explain them. They are like pieces of flesh and blood that have knitted together through the years to form the incredibly visceral feeling that I have when I think of my mom. The feel of her cool hand on my forehead when I was sick, the smell of her skin, the distinctive technique of her fingers on the piano, the comforting sound of her voice murmuring in the living room as I drifted off to sleep in my bedroom. Those things don't sound like very important memories in the grand scheme of things, but they are the ones that make my mom, well, mine.

Throughout my life she has always been there even when I pushed her away in adolescent ignorance. She always forgave me when I overstepped my bounds and said hurtful, mean things to her out of spite and frustration. I didn't realize it at the time, but she was a rich source of wisdom and knowledge. One of my real regrets as an adult is that I didn't listen to my mom more. I could have saved myself so much pain and grief if I had simply relied on her experience, but I suppose that is a regret that most people have.

I credit my mom's perseverance as the primary reason that I have a relationship with the Lord. She made sure that I was dressed and ready to go to church every week. She answered my questions about faith and God. She was an unwavering example of what a Christian should be in all areas of life. God uses many means to draw His elect to Himself, and in my case it was the love and joy that I saw in my own mother's witness.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, I spent two weeks in the hospital recovering from surgery. Mama refused to leave my side until Aunt Gail (the next best thing to Mama!) came to pry her away from me and give her some much needed rest and relaxation. At the time, I didn't really think about what a sacrifice it was for Mama to stay with me like that. Now that I am grown-up with a life and family of my own, I see what a gift that was to put her life on hold to focus on my well-being and health. If there is anyone that you want near you when you have just had surgery, it is my mom. She has this uncanny knack for knowing what you want before you ask for it.

When I found out I was pregnant with Nathan, I had no idea how much his birth would change my relationship with her. I remember laying there in the hospital holding him one night after everyone had gone home and thinking that I had never loved someone this deeply. That's when it occurred to me that Mama felt that way about me. She loved me so deeply that she would sacrifice her very life for me. This intimate knowledge about the nature of motherhood made me love her even more than I thought possible.

So, even though I can't be with my mom today my love still stretches across the miles to her and I know that she is thinking of me too. Thank you for giving me life and for shaping me into the person I am today. I love you, Mama.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and call her blessed;
Her husband also, and he praises her:
“ Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:26-31

The Five Solas

I had a nice surprise yesterday morning when Kellye called me to see if I wanted to meet for lunch. We decided on Pei Wei (was there really any other option?) and she picked me up. It was good to get away from work and to spend some time with her one on one. Usually we are with the spousal units, all of the kids or other friends so it was an unexpected pleasure to hang out together for a little while. Kate was along for the ride and I had fun just looking at her cherubic little face sitting across the table from me. Of course, looking at someone else's child is always easier than dealing with your own....I think Kellye would debate the point of "one on one" time since she was the one holding (and sporadically struggling with) the Crazy Lady.

The afternoon absolutely dragged by and I spent much of my time reading a book called "Catholicism: East of Eden" by Richard Bennett. This is a book recommended to me by a friend who was raised Catholic but later came to know Jesus in a personal way and began attending a protestant church. It was written by a man who was born into a devout Roman Catholic home in Ireland, went to Jesuit school as a child and then became a priest after attending the Angelicum University of Rome. After fourteen years of contrasting the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church to Biblical truth, he was convicted by the Gospel message of God's grace alone and after 22 years in the priesthood he formally left the church. The book gives clear scriptural (and historical) references that are often diametrically opposed to what the Catholic church teaches it's members. The overwhelming theme is that the Catholic church values tradition and ritual over the clear teaching in scripture. This book was not written by someone who has no idea what it's like to be devoutly Catholic and to believe heart and soul what the church teaches. It was written by a man who has a deep passion for Catholics and only wants them to see the truth of scripture for themselves and to not blindly follow the teachings of the church simply because that's the way it's always been done.

It's a really fascinating (and eye-opening) read that I have a hard time putting down. I am completely ignorant of the inner workings of the Catholic church because I was raised Baptist. I often hear things said by my Catholic friends with regard to their religion that I do not understand and can't really comment on because I have no point of reference. Trevor's entire family is Catholic...I think they were all a bit scandalized that we were married in a Baptist church and not as a Catholic sacrament. This book is helping me to understand where they are coming from as far as their beliefs are concerned.

What I believe is Sola Gratia (grace alone), Sola Fide (faith alone), Sola Scriptura (scripture alone) Solus Christus (Christ alone), and Soli Deo Gloria (to God alone be glory)--pillars of the Protestant Reformation. The grace of Jesus Christ is what saves me from my sins and sure death. My faith in Him and belief that His death on the cross and resurrection paid my debt forever is what makes me a Christian. I cannot lose my salvation if I have truly put my faith in Him and works (good or bad) cannot change that. We are not saved by works, but by grace. I believe that scripture is the final answer to all matters. If the Bible says that it is true, then it is. If the Bible seems to contradict a teaching of a particular religion, then the religious teaching is erroneous--not the scripture. It is the Word of God, and as such, cannot be false. I think that Christians should be associated with a church that teaches expositionally from the bible and that if there are practices within that body of believers that do not mesh with what the scripture says, then they should be challenged. There are traditions in the Baptist church that I do not hold to because they have absolutely no biblical grounds, primarily the idea that the drinking of alcohol is a sin and therefore forbidden. (I'm not even going to go into the whole dancing thing...) I came across a blog by Wade Burleson who is a member of the International Mission Board and represents the Southern Baptist Convention. I agree wholeheartedly with his view on alcohol consumption and I've included a link to an entry in his blog that I found very interesting and biblically accurate: http://tinyurl.com/2azwa4.

My prayer is that the Holy Spirit will open scripture to me in such a way that I will be able to present the truth to anyone who seeks it, in a way that they will be able to understand and accept. I also pray that the sin in my own life will be revealed to me by reading the Word of God and that I will be convicted of it and seek forgiveness and renewing of the spirit. My desire is to be used as an instrument for the glory of God and that I will be open and receptive to his direction for me.

Every Season

As I was driving to work this morning, I was listening to a song by Nichole Nordeman called "Every Season". Summer is just around the corner and I was thinking of all the plans we've made and about how life goes on even without those we've lost. We are planning to go to Mama and Daddy's for the 4th of July and Uncle Tellius and Gramps won't be there for the family celebration. But we will and there will be laughter and fun and we will remember them in small and large ways. Every season is a chance for God to change us and make us stronger and sometimes that molding process involves grief and pain to reshape us. God is there in all the seasons of our life to guide us and to hold us. Thank you God, for sending difficult times so that through your grace and power and I can see the important things more clearly.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven

Every evening sky, an invitation
To trace the patterned stars
And early in July, a celebration
For freedom that is ours
And I notice You in children’s games
In those who watch them from the shade
Every drop of sun is full of fun and wonder
You are summer

And even when the trees have just surrendered
To the harvest time
Forfeiting their leaves in late September
And sending us inside
Still I notice You when change begins
And I am braced for colder winds
I will offer thanks for what has been and was to come
You are autumn

And everything in time and under heaven
Finally falls asleep
Wrapped in blankets white, all creation shivers underneath
And still I notice You when branches crack
And in my breath on frosted glass
Even now in death, You open doors for life to enter
You are winter

And everything that’s new has bravely surfaced
Teaching us to breathe
What was frozen through is newly purposed
Turning all things green
So it is with You and how You make me new
With every season’s change
And so it will be as You are re-creating me
Summer, autumn, winter, spring

Nichole Nordeman

It's All Relative

Trevor told me the other night that he is not going to China at the end of April as planned. He's been trying to get back over there to complete a project since his first trip of the year was aborted in February. One problem after another has surfaced and so he's still here and the project is still incomplete. I'm sorry that he has work that he can't finish, but I am really glad that he is here with us instead of halfway across the planet.

This postponement of his trip also means that I don't have to switch call at work with anyone and now I will be off for Memorial Day weekend. I want to go home to Louisiana this year and visit the graves of Gramps and Uncle Tellius. I have always been overwhelmed by the sacrifice and heroism of these two men. Gramps was a paratrooper in World War II and Uncle Tellius served in Vietnam and I tried to let them know each year on Veteran's Day how much their service meant to me. This is the first Memorial Day since we lost them, and I want to do something special. I'm not sure what I'm going to put on the graves, but hopefully it will be something that they would have appreciated when they were alive.

This trip home will also be my first since Uncle Tellius' funeral. It's funny how we begin to mark things in relationship to the deaths of people we love. Thanksgiving was the first holiday after Gramps died. Christmas was the last holiday that we had with Uncle Tellius. Even the days of the month take on different meaning. The 16th will be the 8 month anniversary of Gramp's death and the 19th will be 3 months for Uncle Tellius. I don't write this to be morbid...it's just my reality now. I can't see how I'll ever write those numbers again without thinking of the loss my family has suffered.

Still, I find comfort in the thought that one day I will see them both again. There will be no more pain, suffering or tears when we all reunite in heaven. I Thessalonians 4:13-18 But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have died already, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus. For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are dead. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. Therefore comfort one another with these words.

Can you think of a more glorious thing than the rapture? Every time I read this passage I get goosebumps and tears in my eyes. I am promised a reunion with those that I love who died as believers in Christ. "And Lord haste the day when my faith shall be sight. The clouds be rolled back as a scroll. The trump shall resound and the Lord shall descend; even so, it is well with my soul"

The Sacrifice

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. Galatians 2:20

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

His dying crimson, like a robe,
Spreads o’er His body on the tree;
Then I am dead to all the globe,
And all the globe is dead to me.

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were a present far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Isaac Watts

Charles Wes­ley re­port­ed­ly said he would give up all his other hymns to have writ­ten this one. I am moved to give up my pettiness, jealousy and judgemental nature when I read the words to this hymn. The work that Christ did on the cross humbles and breaks me each time I meditate on it. He could have stopped the suffering at any time, but He didn't. He chose to be obedient to the Father to the point of death....a greater example of love will never be shown. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for being the atonement for my sin and covering it with your blood so that I can have direct communion with God and eternal life.