A New Beginning

Have I recently mentioned that I am not a morning person? I'm not a morning person when I wake up at my normal time of 6 or 6:30. I am most definitely not a morning person at 5 am.

But this is when I have to drag myself out of bed to have my quiet time. Because, you know, one of the qualifications of quiet time is that it's actually quiet while you're doing it. The cacophony of two children getting ready for school/the babysitter is hardly conducive to studying the Word and prayer!

I renewed my pledge to have a consistent quiet time last September. You can read here and here about my experience. According to my journal and blog entries, that commitment lasted all of about 2 months. The holidays arrived with all of the extra stuff to do and my quiet time was the first thing to be pushed to the side. I am here to report that my family noticed it. They couldn't have put their finger on it exactly, but the quiet and gentle spirit that I was praying for during my time alone with God went away with the disappearance of the special time set aside for just the two of us.

I felt more stressed and I was less patient with Trevor and the kids. I felt a disconnect at church and with my friends. Coincidence? I think not. My prayer life was in shambles and I felt so out of touch with God in a very personal way. The longer I rebelled, the worse I felt about myself and my life in general. Never mind the guilt and stress of commenting on all of my favorite blogs as though I had it completely together in all areas. In case you were wondering, smugness is not a fruit of the spirit.

Monday I decided to pick myself up and dust off the dirt the world is always leaving on me, and begin my quiet time. I'm pretty sure this won't be the last time that I have to start over, but praise God, I'm doing it! I have felt such a peace this week, and I know that starting my day in the Word and prayer is the reason. My heart (and my head) knows that I need this. I covet this time alone with God and know that I will be renewed each morning, but I really struggle with my faithfulness.

So, how do you guys stay faithful in your quiet time each day? I'm so tired of feeling like I've failed over and over again. I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas about how to maintain the motivation to stick with it.

A Season of Grace

I have been reading the book of James in my quiet time over the last 4 weeks and God has revealed so much to me during that time. I've never really done a quiet time like this before. In the past I've pulled a devotional off of the shelf or used my Sunday School lesson, and there is nothing wrong with doing it that way. But I was feeling a real calling from God to consistently have a quiet time and to do it differently than I ever had before.

Boy I'm glad I listened!

There have been many verses that have spoken to me and affected a change in my daily behavior. The first was James 2:13:

"For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment." Let me say that again...."Mercy triumphs over judgment." Not sometimes, not occasionally, not just in those situations where we feel like it's in our best interest to be merciful....always. If we want to be shown mercy, we must be merciful. And shouldn't we want to show mercy because of the grace and mercy that God has freely given us in the person of Jesus Christ?

One of my biggest stumbling blocks is my judgmental nature. I am oh so quick to point out the faults and problems of others, but live in fear of being judged myself. Have I stopped being judgmental? Not completely, but I am seeing a change in my attitude and spirit. Although my initial gut reaction is judgment, my secondary response is close on it's heels. I really try to imagine what that person is going through that would make them act the way they do, and that is usually enough to spur me into a spirit of mercy and compassion.

My prayer every single morning has been that when people see me, that they will not see me, but will see Christ instead. I want to be so open to the Spirit and guided by Him, that I am transparent to the world and show God's glory in my every word and deed. Is this attainable? Nope. I sin and I stumble. If you ask my husband or children they would probably say, "Jesus who?" based on my behavior sometimes. But the more I strive to be like Christ and to be in the Word, the easier it is to see sinful behavior for what it is and to be open to God's conviction.

I have noticed that when I sin, I am instantly ashamed and feel the need to ask for forgiveness right then and there. This is a completely new experience for me, because I can honestly say that I have never been this close to the Lord in my life. I have had seasons where I was more obedient than others, but this is the first time that I have completely submitted myself to Him, which brings me to my next verse, James 4:7-8a:

"Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." This has been such a powerful verse in my daily walk. When I am tempted to do something sinful, this verse pops into my head. When I am submissive to God and try exhibit the attitudes and behaviors that He desires for me, the devil naturally flees from righteousness. And I pray the verse. I pray it when I sin and visualize Satan screaming in rage and defeat as God stands like a stone wall before me stopping and defeating the enemy.

There are so many other verses that have been revelations to me, but it would take hours of typing to share it all here. Suffice it to say that I would strongly recommend James as text for meditation and quiet time. I think I might move over to 1 Timothy next. Our pastor used it in his sermon last week, and I was strangely drawn to it. Have you ever turned to a passage in church and gotten so engrossed in reading that you missed part of the sermon? That's what I did this past Sunday (my apologies to Pastor Randy!), but it made me desire to know that particular chunk of scripture better.

God is good. He guides me and takes care of me daily. My life has been so changed since I started spending quality time first thing in the morning with Him. I thought I would never get used to rolling out of bed at 5:00 am every morning, but it has become such a habit that I'm not even bothered by it anymore. There have been a few mornings that I have been lazy (or sick), but all in all I have been consistent and that brings me a great deal of joy. I practically run to the living room with my hot, steaming mug of coffee to open my bible and see what God has in store for me. I read the same chapter all week, and every day God reveals something different. Some days my cross reference study shows me such amazing truths as I meander through the bible that I want to call someone and tell them! (And believe me, if it weren't 5:15 in the morning, more than one person would have received a call over the last few weeks!)

If this is an encouragement to you, then I give the glory to God. I fervently hope and pray that each of you enter into a season such as this...one of closeness and intimacy with the Lord.

Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. James 5:16

Spiritual Faux Pas Forgiven

Thank you, dear friends, for all of your comments and suggestions regarding my quiet time! I may not drop in at your house for coffee, or see you at church during the week, but I have come to know and love each of you through our mutual interest in blogging. I want you to know how much I appreciate your responses.

I decided that getting up later was not an option, so I tried saying a quick prayer before I began reading the Word, and found that He opened my eyes wide this morning! I felt like He was revealing Himself directly to me as I read and I was frantically jotting notes in the margin of my bible. At the rate I am going, the book of James in my bible is going to be overrun with my handwriting!

When I finished up with a more in-depth prayer time, I found that I had even more to praise and thank Him for because of the reading! I was so overwhelmed that I found myself on my knees in the dining room, worshiping and glorifying His name in a way that I had not done in a long time. Although I posted my frustrations about being sleepy in a slightly humorous way, it was a real problem and Satan was using it to convince me to just stay in bed. After this morning, I am renewed and my memory verses for this week are:

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

The only way that I will be consistently renewed and refreshed is by reading the Word of God and by having an active and healthy prayer life. I feel like a new person this morning!

Spiritual Faux Pas

As I sit here in my big, comfy chair, sipping on an ice cold Vanilla Coke Zero I am suddenly exhausted. Some sort of supernatural energy must have propelled me through my day, because I am completely and totally spent right now.

Strangely enough, I slept late this morning until almost 7 am because I forgot to set my alarm and Trevor didn't want to wake me. I've been getting up around 5 am for the past few weeks to have my quiet time, and it has been wonderful. Wonderful prayer time, wonderful time digging into the Word and wonderful alone time.

What is not wonderful is the actual dragging of my body out of bed at such an obscene hour of the morning. And let me tell you....although my mantra has been, "It will get easier, it will get easier" it has not! Did I mention that I am not a morning person? Did I mention that even my husband won't speak to me until I've had at least one cup of coffee? What makes me think that God Himself wants to hear what I have to say in that early morning, pre-coffee tone of voice?

Since I'm being honest here, I must also report that I have come dangerously close to falling asleep during my prayer time. I have my coffee right there in front of me, and I've had a few sips to get me going, but it feels a little disrespectful to drink coffee while conversing with the Lord of Lords, so I refrain during my prayer.

5 am + Insufficient coffee= Potential for dozing off

Am I alone here? Please tell me that I am not the only one who has jerked my head up with the horrifying realization that my thoughts had wandered and I was drifting off. My spirit is oh so willing, but my flesh is definitely weak. So I redouble my efforts and pray for focus and strength. I've tried praying with my eyes open, but I get too distracted. I've tried praying at the end of my quiet time, but I like to begin with it so that I can get in the proper state of mind for reading the Word.

I guess the important thing is that I am having a quiet time, although some mornings I think the Lord just shakes is head in disgust at my feeble attempts to communicate. I wonder sometimes if my thoughts sound as muddled as my voice does when I try to speak when I'm really tired. Some mornings, I'm just thankful to have the Holy Spirit interceding for me!

This morning was one of those mornings, and although it seemed as if my day was off to an inauspicious beginning, it turned out to be a wonderful, albeit busy, day. My mom was in town and so I was able to chat with her for most of the morning before she left to go home. Our friends Chris and Ali moved into their new house today, so we spent a good portion of our afternoon and evening helping them get settled in.

I got to bathe their son Calvin, who is almost one year old. I had forgotten how sweet it is to hold a little one in the water and then to wrap them up in a big towel to whisk them away to be slathered in lotion and put in pajamas. He is such a good natured baby and it was fun to do those baby things again. Of course, it was fun because he wasn't spending the night with me and I didn't have to get up at 2 am to comfort him. Everything is relative!

So, it's been a good day with even better friends, and I'm ending my day the way I started it....praising God for the blessings in my life and giving Him the glory for everything. And, of course, setting the coffee pot up for tomorrow morning.....

(BTW...Happy 6th Anniversary Chris and Ali!)

Up on the Mountain

I got up early again this morning and had my quiet time. No kids, no husband...just me and God. I spent time in prayer preparing myself for reading scripture and had such a revealing, intimate time with the Lord.

I met with my prayer/accountability partner (Ali) this morning and was doubly blessed today with our conversation and prayer. As we talked about our week and the scriptures that we had been reading, I discovered that she had also pulled out an old copy of Beth Moore's Whispers of Hope to help her in her quiet time. As Ronna would say, "Yay God!" I felt that it was more than coincidence that we had picked up the same book for study. I felt so in line with what God wants for my life and I am excited that I am progressing and maturing spiritually. This is one of those "mountain" times for me, and my prayer is that I will be able to persevere through the "valley" times that may be ahead.

It's been a lazy Saturday. I have done nothing more strenuous than bake and frost a layer cake for our friend's birthday party tonight. We're going over for fajitas (thank you Lord, for letting me live in Texas!) and fellowship with some of our dearest friends. I am so blessed that I barely have the words for it....