New Beginnings

It's that time of the year again.  School is in session, summer is officially over and the calendar is already filling up with activities.  Nathan and Grace attended the YMCA summer camp this year and had a really great time.  They swam every day, stayed active and went on field trips once a week.  They made new friends and enjoyed their time away from school and all the responsibilities associated with the classroom.

But it's here again.  We had meet the teacher night Monday, and the kids were really excited to be in the halls of their school again, calling out to old friends they had not seen all summer and hugging teachers.  It was such a different scene from last year when we were new to this area and the kids didn't know anyone.  They quietly observed the other children and shyly said hello to their teachers.  You would never know by looking at them today that they were the "new kids" last year.  I was so proud of their confidence and friendly attitudes.  Another of many prayers answered over the course of the last twelve months.

Every year since Nathan started Kindergarten, we've driven them to school on the first day, walked them to their classes and stayed for a few minutes for a picture or two.  When I asked them if they wanted me to drive them to school on the first day, Gracie immediately made it clear that she wanted to ride the bus. Nathan still wanted me to drive him to school and go inside, but the closer it got to the first day I could tell that he was not entirely sure what he wanted.  So I asked them one more time this morning what they wanted me to do.  The answer broke my heart and made it sing all at one time.  I could drive them to school, but they could handle it from there.  They didn't want me to walk them in.

On one hand, it made me sad that this would be the first year with no pictures from inside the classroom and no picture of Trevor holding Nathan or Grace's hand.  No last minute hugs or kisses.  Just a quick "I love you mom!" as they stepped out of the Tahoe and then a fleeting glance of them walking into the school.  Not even time for a quick photo of them from the drop-off lane.

On the other hand it made my heart sing with thanksgiving to God that He had been faithful to answer my prayers that my children would make new friends and fit in with their peers in this new town.  That they were confident, happy children with an excitement for school and for Him.

So I sit here waiting.  Waiting for the sound of the bus pulling up outside, and then the excited chatter and laughter of children getting off the bus and running home.  Waiting for my babies who are not babies any more, to come barreling through the front door, full of stories and information about their first day of school.  Waiting for the new rhythm of our days to begin again and to watch as my children grow over the next year and marvel once again at the mercy and grace of God in our lives.

Little Moments

Yesterday evening was one of those perfect nights where normal events all fell into place to make some really great memories.  You know the kind.  Like when you're sitting around with some friends, the conversation is great and the atmosphere is relaxed and welcoming.  You suddenly look around and realize that you are living your life.  Not just waiting for the next get together, or the next day of work or the next vacation, but recognize that what is happening around you is a memory in the making.

Trevor drove home from Texas yesterday afternoon, after a long weekend of cleanup at the as of yet unsold house.  We were so glad to see him pull into the driveway, and the kids ran out to greet him before he could even get out of the truck.  I love it that I still get butterflies when I see him come through the front door, and know that he is back home.  Life seems so empty and flat without him, and being able to just glance over and see him sitting in his chair makes me smile.

We hadn't really planned anything for the Fourth of July because he wasn't sure when he would be home, and then Nathan woke up with a low-grade fever Sunday morning.  I decided to run out to the store for some things to grill and pulled out some money for some fireworks as well.  While I got dinner ready, Trevor and Nathan drove down to the local firework stand to purchase some fiery entertainment.  After a full day of being still and resting, Nathan was more than ready to get outside and do something!

When we sat down to dinner, I asked who was going to say the blessing because we take turns.  Gracie said, "Daddy, because we are glad he is home."  We ate dinner and then sat down to watch a movie until it got dark enough to light the fireworks.

It was about 8:45 when the sun set, and we went outside to play and realized that it was sprinkling!  Not deterred by the rain, Trevor and the kids took the fireworks out to the side walk and began lighting them.  As I sat there on the front porch watching my favorite people in the world, time slowed down for a brief moment.  All of the physical elements of the evening magnified;  the fireflies blinking in the field, the cool breeze moving over my skin, the multitude of fireworks bursting from horizon to horizon, even the smell of the wild grasses and flowers that grow nearby.  As I watched Nathan and Grace with their glow necklaces and sparklers, I committed the moment to my memory.  I considered getting up and retrieving my camera, but I didn't want to miss even a second of the scene unfolding before me.

The moment was as close to pure bliss as we can achieve on this earth.  Pure, unadulterated joy and happiness at being reunited again and sharing a special moment together.  A moment infused with love, acceptance and the knowledge that it really doesn't get any better than this.

That's What Faith Can Do

I've had this song running through my head for days now, and I just love the words. There is so much turmoil in the lives of people that I love, and uncertainty in my own life that sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming. In the midst of troubles and trials, I cling to my faith. Faith in a God who loves me and has preordained my very circumstances to grow me and draw me nearer to Him. It's so hard to see the big picture from where I'm sitting, but I have faith that He not only sees the picture but has painted it from before the foundations of the world. Trusting in His sovereignty gives me such a peace and joy, and I don't know how I would survive without Him.

Everybody falls sometimes
Got to find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than just what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
When you don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Children Change Everything

I have a confession to make:  Trevor and I never intended to have children.  If you would have asked anyone who knows me, they would have agreed that I was completely set against having any children at any time, ever.  This was something that Trevor and I discussed before we were married, and were both relieved to find one another on the same page.  I was never much of a kid person, and children generally just made me nervous.  At best, I tolerated the children of friends and family because it was necessary.

We enjoyed our first few years of marriage doing all the things that young married people do. We left on trips at the drop of a hat.  We went out to movies at 10 o'clock at night.  We stayed up late and slept in.  We ate in restaurants that didn't give us coloring book menus.  We went to work, came home and ate cereal for dinner if we wanted to.

But something began to change in my heart as I spent more and more time with Trevor.  At first I couldn't quite put my finger on it, because I was so happy with our marriage that I couldn't figure out what was causing that little tug of dissatisfaction.  As time went on, I recognized it for what it was.  I was still not sold on the idea of other children, but I wanted to have children with Trevor and so Nathan was born.  All 9 lbs, 13 oz of him.

To say that having a child is a life-changing experience doesn't even begin to scratch the surface, and if you are a parent you are smiling and nodding your head.  Unplanned trips were replaced with frantic errands for more diapers and formula.  Those late night movies?  Only if you mean the glow of the television at 2am during a feeding.  The staying up late didn't change, but the sleeping in became a thing of the past.  We started asking for high chairs in restaurants and scheduling our meals around when Nathan would be hungry.

But the thing that changed my life in the most profound way was watching my husband become a father.  He gained the title of father the day that Nathan was born, but he became a father in small bits over the course of that first year.  It showed me a side of Trevor that was the perfect complement to the loving husband I knew him to be.  There is nothing more attractive to me than the sight of my husband holding my children, and knowing that he loves them just as much as I do.  I had the joy of watching him grow as a human being, learning patience and self-sacrifice.

And just as we thought we had the whole parenting thing down (hah!), along came the little 6 lb, 8 oz pink bundle that was Gracie.  If you ever want to see a man more tender and gentle, present him with a tiny baby girl to hold.  Whereas Nathan had taught Trevor the basics of fatherhood, Gracie rounded him out in ways that only a little girl could.  His protective nature became more fully developed and he always seemed to hold her a little more gently than he had held his firstborn.

As I sit here today and think of all the ways God has blessed me over the years, Trevor comes to my mind first.  Not only because he is a Godly husband to me and makes me feel cherished, loved and protected but because God created him to be the perfect father for our children.  There is no one on this earth who could be a more effective, loving father to my children and I thank God every day for him.  He leads us all in a direction that is pleasing to God, and he is steadfast in his love and commitment to us.  He sacrifices his time, energy and resources so that we might have a better life, and he always does it without complaint.

He is the father of my children.  He is the love of my life.  He is everything to me.

Happy Father's Day, Trevor.

First Year

I find it hard to believe that it's already summer time.  With the beginning of a new season comes the anniversary of our move from Houston to Tulsa, which makes it all the harder to believe that an entire year has already flown by.  Was it really a year ago that I was worrying about making new friends, concerned about how the kids would adjust to a new town and wondering if we would find our little niche?

God had a plan for our little family, and He has been faithful to provide all the things we need in our new environment.  We have wonderful friends through church and work, and the kids are surrounded with children on our block who love to come over and play with them.  Both Nathan and Grace had good experiences at school, and made friendships that will carry over into the coming years.  Nathan turned nine, and Grace turned six this year and we got just a little bit more sleep on Saturday mornings!

We still haven't sold the house in Texas, but we continue to trust that God has His hand on that situation and when it's time to sell it will sell to the right buyers.  It's not been easy paying the equivalent of two mortgages, but He has provided for us over and over again.  We still haven't actually seen a tornado, but if there was ever a place on earth with more unpredictable weather than the Gulf Coast, it's Oklahoma!  It's been a wild ride of snow, ice, thunder and hail storms throughout the year, but we've escaped any damage and injury thus far.  The dry climate is a refreshing change, and so are the cooler temperatures for most of the year so we'll take the tumultuous weather over high humidity and never ending heat, thank you very much.

As I sit here in the silence of Saturday morning, sipping my coffee and reflecting on the last year, it's seems too quiet in the house.  Nathan and Grace are both in Louisiana with Mama and Daddy until next Thursday.  They left Tuesday morning, and from all accounts are having a ball with Nannie and Papa.  They finally got to meet their cousin Travis and see Aunt Rose, which led to a really funny exchange between Grace and Amber.  It was time for Travis to nurse, so Amber took him into the study for a little privacy (mostly from Nathan), and began to nurse.  Gracie wanted to see what Aunt Rose was doing in the darkened room, so she went in to investigate.  Apparently, she looked on with some horror and then asked, "What is that in his mouth???"  Amber went on to explain in simple terms that Travis was drinking milk and that's how she fed him.  Mama came in behind and offered an explanation about cows (since she had seen a cow milked last year at school), and then told her that human mommies make milk the same way.  Gracie just took one more look at the scene before her and pronounced the entire process "weird" and walked away.

I was supposed to fly out to Denver last night, but the tornadoes touching down around the Denver airport made the airlines understandably nervous about actually landing there, so my flight was delayed for 4 hours before I finally just rescheduled it for this morning.  I couldn't see dragging Courtney and Jack all the way out to the airport to pick me up at midnight, so I'll fly out at 9:15am today.  Hopefully everything will go smoothly and I'll get there on time this morning.  I'm really excited about seeing Courtney and Jack, but a little sad as well since my purpose in visiting is to help her unpack her new apartment that she now lives in without her husband Chris, and offer some moral support.  They recently separated, and when I heard the news a few weeks ago all I could think of was getting to her.  Unfortunately, this is the soonest I was able to get a flight and arrange time off from work, but I can't wait to see her and hug her neck and to play with Jack.

It feels a little strange to be posting to my blog since it has been sitting idle for so many months, but I've had a serious case of writer's apathy block, and haven't been able to muster up the desire to write at all except for short updates on Facebook.  I'm feeling more like writing, so maybe this will be a new beginning and I'll feel like posting more often.

Christian Faith: Calvinism is Back

Here is a great article on Reformed Theology and the impact that it is having on churches around the country. If you click on the link to see the slideshow, the first picture has a man crouched down helping a little boy with his jacket. That's my brother Patrick and my nephew Benjamin. They attend Capitol Hill Baptist Church in DC.

Christian faith: Calvinism is back / The Christian Science Monitor - CSMonitor.com

New Arrival

My nephew, Travis Cole, was born this morning!  He was 6lbs, 6 oz and 18 inches long.  Amber and Travis are doing just fine, and should be released from the hospital Thursday, which is just in time for my visit to Louisiana Friday for a long weekend!  I can't wait to meet him in person!!

Blind-Sighted

My friend Stephanie sent this to me in an email today, and she gave me permission to post it here.  We attend the same Sunday school class, and our teacher revealed a very important truth last week.  It was something that I had never really thought about, and I thought that Stephanie put it perfectly.

Blind-Sighted

I often say that those who truly grasp the magnitude of what Christ did on the cross, cannot help but impulsively respond with a lifetime of overwhelming awe, gratitude, and praise. I thought I truly grasped the magnitude of what Christ did... until today when the Good Teacher used a good teacher to open my eyes to something that pierced my heart to the very core. I wanted to share it with you ... that you too might grasp the magnitude of what Christ did, if you haven't already, and if this is old news to you, that you might share my joy with fresh eyes and be reminded of the beauty of the work of Christ.

It was like I knew what 2 was, and I knew what 3 was, but I didn't put together that 2+3=5. Before today I knew that before Jesus was taken by the Roman soldiers, He prayed to the Father to "take this cup from Me, nevertheless not what I will, but what You will" I knew that He was burdened about what was getting ready to happen to him to the very point of sweating drops of blood. I also knew that on the cross Jesus bore the wrath of God for every sin of those who trust Him ... past, present and future.

However, I always thought it was the process of being crucified that Jesus was "scared" about in the garden, and asking God to take from him.... which would be completely understandable. Jesus, in his human body felt every ounce of pain that was inflicted upon him. We see beautiful portaits of Jesus hanging on the cross that do the horrific death by crucifixion no justice at all. He was beaten UNRECOGNIZABLE. His face was badly bruised and swollen, his flesh and muscles and tendons were dangling from his body in places. His death was slow, agonizing, and torturous. We have no concept or point of reference to begin to even fathom the truthful reality of the suffering. And to top it all off, those who participated in crucifying Him HATED Him. They enjoyed seeing Him suffer... and all of his friends deserted Him.

You know, we have it so good. We start out separated from God, so if He never sees fit to bring us to faith, it's almost like we don't know what we're missing. Once we have been brought to faith, He promises nothing will ever separate us from His love... JESUS on the other hand, is co-eternal with the Father and the Spirit. There was NEVER a point, NEVER, not even in his humanness that He wasn't enjoying full intimate communion with God... But the wages of sin is death and what is death but separation from God? What I did not grasp until today is that when Jesus bore the wrath of God on behalf of sinners, that He was SEPARATED from God for the first time in all eternity. Somehow I did not realize that God wasn't still with Jesus, helping him "get through it". In the garden, knowing full well ALL of what was getting ready to happen, Jesus understood that being separated from the God for ANY amount of time, even for a split second, was FAR WORSE than all the mockery, horrific suffering, and human desertion he would endure in his last moments. Being deserted by God is the cup that Jesus was asking God to take from Him, what He was burdened by to the point of sweating blood. If you read the accounts in the gospels, you find that through all of the torture, Jesus kept silent. He never cried out in pain, never cursed his murderers. It wasn't until he felt the impact of being separated from God by our sin that He cried out in a loud voice, "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"

But it's what had to happen in order to justify loving little old ME, some sinner going on with my daily routine 2000 years later in Oklahoma, USA, North America, World, Universe. How else could I respond but a spend a lifetime in praise and gratitude and bible research, satisfying my curiosity of this Jesus that would do such a thing for someone like me? Guess you could say God blind-sided my blind-sightedness today. I can only pray I'll never be the same for it.

Finally!!!

WHO DAT!!!!!!!

Gender Confusion

I was in Gracie's bedroom the other day, and she wanted to show me something she had drawn on her chalkboard.  There were two words written there, one in blue (boys) and one in pink (girls).  She told me that the sign was meant to show who could come in her room.  I laughed and said that she was giving permission for everyone to come in if both boys and girls were listed.

Gracie looked at me like I was crazy and told me no.  I tried to explain that everyone is either a boy or a girl which meant that everyone could come in her room.  If she was old enough to understand the art of eye rolling and deep sighs I would have gotten both from her.  She said very patiently, as though I was  slightly mentally inpaired:

"Not Grandpa, because he's a grandpa and not Daddy because he's a Daddy."

 I guess that makes sense because until just recently she thought that the term human meant adults and that children weren't included in that group.  As in, "They weren't humans Mommy, they were kids!"  What will she think of next?

The Talk

So Nathan is almost nine years old now, and Trevor and I felt like it was time to sit him down and give him the "talk".  He's had books for several years now showing the male and female reproductive systems in full color detail, and he's known for a long time that he and Grace don't have the same anatomy.  In the past, he's never made the connection that the sperm had to get to the egg, he just knew that it happened and that's how a baby was made.

But he's recently asked the definition of some words that he's heard on the bus, and mentioned a few things in passing that made us feel like it was time to explain things a little further.  I was in third grade when Mama sat me down with the color plates in the Encyclopedia Britannica and revealed the mysteries of reproduction.  Well, she revealed and I promptly forgot most of the details.

Anyway, Trevor sat him down today with his science book and the Bible and explained it all.  Nathan finally made the connection between the egg and the sperm, and with a confused look asked, "But how does this get to this?"  When Trevor told him, his only response was "gross".  Trevor said that he went slowly and gave as much information as he thought Nathan could handle, and no more.  He said that Nathan was clearly not ready to discuss temptation and the pleasure associated with sex, but made sure that Nathan knew he could always talk to him if he had any questions.  They also read a few passages in scripture to reinforce the sanctity of marriage and the importance of waiting for that covenant relationship.

I think that Nathan has plenty to think about (with strict instructions to not discuss any of this with his friends at school), and that Trevor has paved the way to an open and lasting dialogue with our son regarding a subject that is all too often taboo between parents and children.  Our hope is that by allowing him to openly ask questions without embarrassment and establishing our authority in this area, that he will be less apt to give in to temptation when he gets older.

Christmas Revisted

I am typing this post on my brand new Christmas present from Trevor. I have to give him kudos this year, because we are notorious for not saving our gifts for Christmas morning. As soon as they come in the mail or make it into the house, we open them. Clearly we don't stand on ceremony when it comes to exchanging gifts with one another. Half the time we just decide on a price limit and then purchase our own gifts.

So needless to say, Christmas is not usually a surprise for either of us and we are perfectly happy with our system. We get our thrills from watching the kids open their gifts. So imagine my surprise when all of the Christmas paper was strewn about the living room floor and things were settling down, and Trevor put a gift in my lap. I ripped it open and discovered computer software. Trevor said in a disappointed voice, "What is that???" (We had most of our gifts shipped to my mom to avoid having to pack them for the trip down, and she wrapped them for us) It was software for a Mac, and we have PCs. He said, "This was supposed to be photo editing software for you! I guess they sent the wrong thing."

I immediately started thinking about how we could send it back to Amazon for an exchange, when he put another box in my lap and said, "I'll guess we'll just have to load it on this!"

That's right...my sweet husband bought me a MacBook Pro! Ever since I got my iPhone, I've been convinced of Apple's complete and total superiority and have wanted to get a Mac. They were pretty much out of our price range, so I would just gaze wistfully at them when we went to Best Buy and satisfy myself with that. I guess Trevor saw how much I wanted one, and made it happen for me. As Trevor predicted, I ignored the family for the rest of the day as I played on my new computer!

Although it's been a little difficult to navigate after using a PC for 20 years I am catching on and finally learning how to use it more effectively. Bar none the best Christmas present I've ever received from Trevor. I guess I have some big shoes to fill next Christmas!

It Never Really Goes Away

I dreamed of Gramps the other night. It's been a long time since I've felt the unexpected grief that surfaces at odd moments, catching me by surprise by it's intensity. He's been gone for over 3 years now, and I still miss him. In my dream, I was a child again and we were visiting Granny and Gramps. We were all sitting around the kitchen visiting and having a good time with Granny, when Gramps suddenly walked into the room as though he had never been gone even one day, and I ran into his arms for a hug. I could smell his familiar scent in my dream and feel his strong arms around me once again.

That was all there was to the dream, but the pain upon waking was momentarily as fresh as the day we buried him. It was as if I had gotten him back for a moment, and then he was snatched away in the blink of an eye.

Later, I realized that although waking from the dream had been difficult, I had him in the forefront of my mind all day. Memories of his voice booming out across the house or the yard, laughing as he counted my ribs, and more adult memories of theological discussions and listening to gospel music. I think that's how grief is supposed to work. It never goes away, and is always lurking just below the surface but it makes us remember. It gives us a little push every once in a while to recall all the things we loved about the person we lost. It mellows as time goes on, but I think it's a good thing that we never quite lose it.

I want to remember, and more importantly I want to look forward to the day that I will see him again.

Finally Home

Home (n.) An environment offering security and happiness; a valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin.

I'm finally home. Not of the eternal variety, but the closest I can get while still constrained by this earthly body. And this earthly body is completely enjoying all the good food and even better company of my family.

We left Oklahoma Friday evening around 6:30 pm and arrived in Louisiana at 5:30 am, waking most of the house and doing our best to stretch our stiff legs after the 11 hour journey. The kids slept for a good bit of the trip and were ready to play, but Trevor and went to bed for a few hours. In retrospect, I think that we do the overnight thing again. Trevor and I just exhausted ourselves and the kids were too excited to sleep until after midnight at the prospect of going to Nannie and Papa's house so they didn't really benefit the way we had hoped.

The first few days of our visit have not gone exactly according to plan, because Nathan came down with one of his viral fevers (which is gone now and he's feeling much better) and what I thought was allergies turned out to be an upper respiratory infection. But a steroid shot, a Z-pack, a prescription for Allegra and a smallish bottle of codeine cough syrup later, I am feeling like a million bucks.

Ronna, Aunt Gail and I threw Amber a family baby shower, and she received so many nice things for baby Travis. It was good to see some of the extended family that we don't normally get to visit with when we visit, and Ronna gave a beautiful short devotional on the importance of putting God first, then her husband and finally her children. It was a good reminder for all of us that God has purposed this order for our good, and that our family life is far more pleasant and God honoring when we remember it.

It was halfway through the shower that I realized that my "allergies" were not allergies and I left the shower without helping with cleanup and went directly to bed. I slept for pretty much the rest of the afternoon and the next day until my doctors appointment, where I received the awesome arsenal of drugs that brought me back to my normal state.

We had Mama's surprise 60th birthday party last night, combined with Patrick's 40th birthday at a really cool restaurant called Tapitini's in Covington. The food was really good, and we had fun eating (of course) and visiting with everyone. Mama received a notebook written by Gramps in his hand detailing memories from his childhood and life, which was a priceless gift. Granny put a condition on the gift that Mama had to make copies for the rest of the family.

So I'm sitting here now (feeling 100% better) and enjoying a leisurely morning with the family, drinking coffee and watching Star Trek. We have nothing planned for today except going to visit the Grannies and a little shopping. Mama spent the weeks preceding our visit preparing and freezing most of the main meals, so we don't have to spend half of our day cooking for such a large group of people. We just pull it out in the morning to defrost and then heat it in the evening. It's been really wonderful to enjoy the tasty food without having to prepare it!

I'm looking forward to a day with no boundaries and the promise of more good company and remembering when.

It Was Bound to Happen

I received a phone call from the school nurse this morning around 9:30am. Nathan was in her office, and the following is the conversation that ensued:

Nurse: What's the matter Nathan?

Nathan: My tongue hurts.

Nurse: Well, let me see. Hmmmm, it looks really red and blistered. What happened?

Nathan: Well, I had a little bit of trouble with the mailbox.

That's right. But instead of a flagpole like in A Christmas Story, it was a mailbox. Nathan was dared to stick his tongue on it, and he did. Being from such a warm climate, it never occurred to me that I should instruct him on the do's and don'ts of winter living. His poor tongue has seen better days, but I'll bet cash money that it never touches another frozen object again!

Just as an aside, this is my 500th post. It feels like a milestone of some sort, but of what kind I'm not sure. The real news is that I'm still blogging after all this time! I tend to get really excited about new projects and then get bored with them fairly easily. (Hmmm...I wonder if that's where Grace gets it from?) But blogging never seems to lose it's attraction for me. I may go through dry spells and only post a few times a month, but then I'll write for several days at a time. It's like a comfortable pair of jeans that always feel good, even when it's been a while since you've worn them.

So here's to 500 posts and to winter lessons learned!

Giving Thanks Challenge Wrap Up

I'm finding it hard to believe that another November has come and gone, but here we are. The leftovers are gone and the Christmas decorations are up. I am eagerly anticipating the Christmas season this year, because we are going home to see family and there is nothing better than family during this time of year. But before I wrap up another Thanksgiving season, I want to reflect on all the things that I recorded daily in the Giving Thanks Challenge that was hosted by Leah at South Breeze Farm.

This was my third year to participate, and it served as a reminder of all the ways that God has blessed me. I so often cry out to Him in pain, frustration and fear, on my knees begging for mercy and for the things I think I need. I'm quick to intercede for my family and friends, praying for healing, grace and comfort but I all too often forget to thank Him for His daily mercies. The rising of the sun. The health of my children. The roof over my head.

If my prayer life was what it should be, I would spend my days in joyful thanksgiving for the pleasure and the pain in my life. Thankfulness would not be an afterthought, but the focus of my conversations with Him. So here is my list from this November, and I hope that seeing all that I have to be thankful for will inspire you to count your blessings as well.

1. New beginnings
2. The opportunity to work
3. The ability to play the piano
4. My job interview
5. Quiet days off
6. A pantry full of food.
7. My brother-in-law David
8. Readily available cold medicine
9. My church family
10. Bedtime stories
11. Our veterans
12. Thursday night television
13. My Kindle
14. Weekends
15. Our warm, dry house
16. Guitar Hero
17. Impromptu dinner with friends
18. Pumpkin bread
19. Beef stew
20. My family
21. A clean house
22. Frequent flyer miles
23. Joy in death
24. Homecomings
25. Cooking with my mom
26. Christmas decorations
27. Singing around the piano
28. Fresh garland
29. My Sunday school class
30. My salvation in Christ

It Was Totally Worth All the Prep

The worst thing about moving so far away from family, is moving so far away from family. Every milestone, birthday and holiday leaves us wishing that we lived closer to them, in spite of the fact that we have made such good friends here. So when I discovered that Mama and Daddy were planning to drive up for Thanksgiving this year I was understandably excited. It just got better when she called a few days later to tell me that they were bringing Granny Traylor with them.

Since we had to leave town unexpectedly for the funeral in the days preceding their visit, I made sure that the refrigerator was stocked and the house was spotless before I flew down to Texas. There are few things that I love more than coming home to a perfectly clean house, and I knew that I would have enough to do without cleaning when I got home. We flew home Tuesday, and I hit the ground running when we landed. I rushed to get all the clothes from the trip washed, dried and put away and I made a last minute trip to the grocery store for things like eggs, ice cream and additional drinks. My good friend Tracy kept the kids for us while we were out of town, and went the extra mile and left a delicious meal in the crock pot for us, so we were greeted with an appetizing aroma when we arrived home and I didn't have to cook dinner.

I made sure that my dad had plenty of his favorite snacks and that we had a surplus of k-cups for the coffee maker. Having a one cup at a time maker is really handy when guests are in the house, because essentially there is always a fresh pot of coffee available, as well as instant hot water for tea and hot chocolate. I did a last minute check of the bedrooms, turned on the porch light and then we waited. When the headlights finally turned into our driveway, the kids bolted out to the car to bestow hugs and kisses. There was a flurry of greetings and laughter as they made their way into the house, and then we spent the evening catching up and watching Star Trek.

The next day was spent preparing for the Thanksgiving meal and making food for the get together we were planning for Friday. By the time Wednesday evening rolled around, I was exhausted from standing in the kitchen, but it was well worth the time spent when we sat down Thursday to a beautiful meal and gave thanks for our many blessings. As I watched the faces of my family around the table, I gave silent thanks for each one of them. As we say in the South, these are my people. The ones for which I would give up my very life. The ones that I love.

As soon as the dishes were washed and put away, Mama and I began decorating for Christmas. We got the tree up and the kids decorated most of it, while we hung garland and draped lights. After the decorating was completed and the leftovers had been pulled out, we went for a drive to see the Christmas lights in Tulsa. They were really beautiful and well worth the drive.

I had to work Friday, but as soon as got home I began preparing for the arrival of our friends Paul and Tracy with their family for an evening of food and singing. I baked a quick loaf of banana nut bread, and began pulling out all of the snacks and food I had prepared beforehand. Mama and I set the buffet and put the finishing touches on everything just as they arrived. We invited Paul's mom Ann as well, and enjoyed our time together as we ate and my family got to know our new friends.

After we were finished with the first round of eating, we all grabbed hymnals and began calling out songs that we wanted to sing. Mama played the piano, and we sang until our voices needed and break and we began round two of eating and drinking. After we were rested, we sang again and finished up the evening with Christmas carols. It was a blessing to hear the voices of my family and my friends blending together in praise to God and in thanksgiving for all with which we have been blessed.

We were sad to see the evening come to an end, but made promises to do it again the next time we were together. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect Thanksgiving.

A Different Kind of Thanksgiving

Tonight, Trevor and I are preparing for a trip to Texas. The last time we made this trip together, we were newlyweds and it was our first Thanksgiving as a married couple. We drove down to the valley to a little town called Weslaco to spend the holiday with his paternal grandmother. I had never met her because at the time of our wedding, she was sick and unable to make the 7 hour trip, so I was excited about meeting the matriarch of his father's family. His grandfather passed away when he was a child, and Grandma was the one who was a pillar for the six men she called her sons.

I sat at her kitchen table and visited with her, still slightly in awe of this little Czech lady. We talked about quilting, and she showed me a pattern that in the coming months I worked on, hoping to complete the quilt and impress her with my sewing skills. I witnessed the freezer full of homemade kolaches she had on hand to serve to visitors and to send home with family. I walked under the beautiful pecan tree that dominated the backyard, and picked the nuts up off the ground to be shelled later.

Trevor and I were inducted into a very exclusive club on that trip. As the most recently married couple, we had the honor of sleeping in the "pink room", where one of Grandma's prized yo-yo quilts adorned the bed. His parents slept in a large room with Grandma, but we were afforded the privacy of our own room. Apparently this was a tradition that had been going on for many years, and I felt thrilled to be part of a family ritual.

On the trip down, I was introduced to a country store called Prasek's, and the heaven on earth that is their beef jerky. We went across the border to Mexico so we could shop and enjoy our time together. The entire trip was full of firsts for me, and I was made to feel like part of the family.


But this trip is for an entirely different reason as we make our way south one last time to pay our respects to a beautiful soul who lived a long and fulfilling life. She was married to the love of her life, had six sons who went on to provide her with the blessing of daughters, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. When she passed away Friday morning, she left behind many who love her and who will never forget all the things that made her special to us. She was a player of Canasta, a drinker of highballs, and a lover of God. Our lives will not be the same without her, and although she is not with us this Thanksgiving, I'm giving thanks for her all the same.

I Then Shall Live

I heard this song today, and it really touched my heart. So many of the things that I hold dear about my salvation and my God are summed up in these verses. I am forgiven therefore I forgive; I obey the law of love through Christ; I will be compassionate and relational so that I can see beyond myself; I want to Christ to be glorified through me and to share Him with the world.

Even if you don't have time to watch the video of the Gaither Vocal Band and Ernie Haase and Signature Sound performing it, read the words with a prayer on your lips. I promise you will be blessed.

I then shall live as one who's been forgiven.
I'll walk with joy to know my debts are paid.
I know my name is clear before my Father;
I am His child and I am not afraid.
So, greatly pardoned, I'll forgive my brother;
The law of love I gladly will obey.

I then shall live as one who's learned compassion.
I've been so loved, that I'll risk loving too.
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges;
I'll dare to see another's point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I'll be there to care and follow through.

Your Kingdom come around and through and in me;
Your power and glory, let them shine through me.
Your Hallowed Name, O may I bear with honor,
And may Your living Kingdom come in me.
The Bread of Life, O may I share with honor,
And may You feed a hungry world through me.

Amen, Amen, Amen

A New Way to Shop

I was driving Gracie to a birthday party Saturday morning, and I realized that she had no idea what I had purchased as a gift. I told her that I went shopping last week and bought a Play-Dough Magic Swirl Ice Cream Shoppe for her friend. Gracie loves hers, and I figured it would be a hit.

There was a short pause, and Gracie asked in a slightly suspicious tone:

"Did you go shopping at the store or in my room?"

Well, I never thought of just shopping in her room! I'll have to remember that next time we need a gift!

Plans

When you join a new community, the first year or so is spent discovering the traditions and activities that are specific to that area. This encompasses a wide variety of events, and it takes time to figure out which things are important (or interesting) enough to attend and which things are not. It's usually most apparent around major holidays when you begin to wonder, "Is there a fall festival/Easter egg hunt/Christmas tree lighting ceremony/(fill in the blank) around here?"

There have been several events that I have heard about just a little too late, but was assured that I would have an opportunity to attend next year. It's all a part of the learning curve in a new town, and by this time next year we will be part of all the festivities.

Our new church has so many opportunities for fellowship and outreach, and I've been blessed to be included in some of them. I've met some of the most amazing men and women who have hearts for Christ and who genuinely lead lives that strive to be pleasing to Him. It's a great encouragement to me as a wife, mother and as someone who is only saved by the grace of God. I am building relationships with like-minded Christians, but at the same time am encouraged to take that energy and love out into our community and share the gospel. It's a good balance of being accountable and relational with other believers without living in a bubble in our church.

Our church purpose statement is to "Follow Christ, Love God, Love Others and Serve the World" and we don't take that lightly. We get out nourishment from frequent contact with fellow believers, and solid Biblical teaching from the pulpit, but we understand that being a Christ-follower is more that just sitting in church on Sunday and Wednesday. It's a life filled with service to others, especially those who have not come to know Christ in a personal way. It's a life marked by making ourselves small so that God's glory can be seen more clearly. It's a life made of daily sacrifices so that we might bring glory and honor to Him. It's a life that truly believes that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

I want to live that life more fully, and I can't think of a better place to grow and be fed than at Bethel Baptist Church. I thank God daily that He led Trevor and me to this place of worship before we even moved to the area, because He already knew the plans He had for us. Plans to prosper us and not harm us. Plans to give us a hope and a future. Plans that are revealed daily to cause us to praise Him for His providence and grace towards us.

In spite of our inner turmoil about jobs, money and selling our house He is always steadfast and true. He is the rock that we cling to when the world seems to be spinning out of control.

He is always faithful.

AWANA Grand Prix 2009

We had such a wonderful time last night at our church's annual AWANA Grand Prix! We had never made pine wood cars before, and there were some really awesome designs at the event. After seeing all of the cars, Trevor had some really good ideas for how we can help the kids make their cars better next year.

When we first heard about the Grand Prix, we were sort of lukewarm about the whole thing. Then the kids started making and painting the cars, and I got a little more excited. When we arrived last night in the gym, I was not expecting the incredible turnout and energy in that place! It was so awesome to see the church turn out to support the kids and to just have a great time together.

Neither Nathan or Grace won any of the heats they were in, but still had a good time watching the races and gorging themselves on hot dogs, popcorn and lemonade. On the way home, we were already plotting car design and paint schemes for next year. This was just one more reason that I love our new church!

Halloween 2009

I know that this is a few days late, but here are the pictures of the kids this Halloween. We had their costumes all worked out weeks before the big day, and they were both excited about them. My mom bought Gracie's entire costume and brought it with her when she came to visit and Nathan has been talking all year about being a clone trooper from Star Wars. When we discovered that our church was doing a western themed fall festival, I knew that the kids would stick out like a sore thumb if they wore these costumes.

Our solution was to take them trick-or-treating in our neighborhood first, and then we came home for a costume change (basically plaid shirts, jeans and bandannas) before heading off to the festival. We were in such a hurry to get changed and out the door that I completely forgot to get pictures of them in their cowboy gear, but they were really cute.

Torn

I have been praying for a really long time to have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, and be available for my children and my husband. Trevor and I have looked at the budget, discussed the topic ad nauseum and made some financial decisions that would point us down that road.

When we moved to the Tulsa area we knew that my staying home hinged on selling our house in Texas and paring back some of our debt. It also depended on my working full time hours through the summer and fall so that we could save most of my paycheck against the time when I would not be needed to work. We knew that the full time hours would come to an end once I was trained, but we planned for a huge chunk of savings to be built out of those hours worked.

Funny how things don't work out the way we plan them.

We still haven't sold the house in Dayton, and as a result, all of the money we would have saved has gone towards that mortgage and now we are in a bind because we still need my full time income to meet our bills. I have been living in a dream with my abbreviated hours at work and being able to be at home when the kids stepped off the school bus in the afternoons. I have been blessed with the ability to take time off when the kids are out of school and it's been wonderful.

But now, it seems the dream is over. Although I am keeping my ECB (emergency call back) position with my current employer, I am now in need of a full time position. The hospital where I work had a full time position available, but I kept hoping the house would sell and I kept delaying making a move to apply and the position was filled. I put my name in the hat at the last minute, but for whatever reason the staff did not want me to work full time and chose another candidate.

So here I am with no work until the hospital needs me again to cover vacations in a week or two. I'm not complaining because that's what I signed up for when I took this job, but I really need to be working. I found another full time position posted at another hospital and was contacted yesterday to come in for an interview tomorrow morning. Do I need this job? Absolutely. Do I want this job? Not really. What I really want is to stay home, but in this case the need outweighs the desire.

I'm torn, because I really feel like my current job was answered prayer in terms of being more available to my family. If I pursue this new job am I effectively telling God that I don't trust Him to handle our finances and provide for us, or am I pursuing an opportunity that God has opened up for me? It's times like this that I feel like I'm adrift in the sea of spiritual discernment and I don't have clue which way to go. What is the right decision when both make sense?