Tuesday, May 22, 2007

The Art of Compromise

Trevor set up a new itinerary for his trip to China. He will (supposedly) be leaving May 29 and returning on June 8. We'll see. He has been trying to make this trip since the beginning of the year and I've lost track of the number of times it has been cancelled. I'm seriously just ready for it to be over and done with so we can mark it off the list of things to do. It's hard to plan anything because those discussions always end with, "assuming I'm not in China, of course."

Confession: I enjoy my time alone when Trevor is in China. I get the remote, I get to choose what is for dinner, I get to read in bed for as long and late as I want to. Most importantly, I get to have the bed to myself. It's not that Trevor dominates the family when he is home and everything revolves around him. Trevor is actually very laid back and accommodating in most areas. But when you are in a marriage, everything that happens (from the seemingly insignificant to the incredibly important) involves more than one person. Everything on some level is a compromise.

What program are we going to watch on TV tonight? What is for dinner? Am I bothering him with the light on in bed so I can read? I do my best to take his feelings and preferences into account with every decision I make and when he is not home it's liberating to do everything my way. There is no one else to consider except for the kids, and that's a whole other issue entirely! When he is gone I make biscuits and gravy for dinner since it is not something that he enjoys. I watch girly movies after the kids have gone to bed and I stay up way past my bedtime curled up with a good book. I chat on the phone with my friends and family for hours and I leave my scrapbooking supplies out on the table for days at a time. And there is the anticipation of going to bed and not having to worry about bothering someone else when I roll over in the night, cough or have too many of the covers.

I could do all of these things when he is home and he would not complain (much), but I would feel bad knowing that there were other options that would make both of us happy. So, when he leaves on the 29th, I'll console myself with doing things my way for a few weeks. When he comes back on the 8th, I'll be thankful that I have someone to consider. Except for the bed thing. We seriously need a bigger bed. Seriously.

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