Our Little Oasis

I finally got some pictures of the new fence/wall that Trevor built. They are a little fuzzy, but I took them at night because I love the way our deck looks in the dark! Trevor built the entire thing from top to bottom by himself. I just love begin married to an engineer/handyman!

The National Anthem?

Please, oh please tell me that we are not going to hear this every time USA wins a gold for the next two weeks. This was disgraceful. Trevor and I couldn't believe that this was happening when we watched it live...

Update:

Hmm...they removed the video from YouTube. At least they fixed the problem and there have been no other issues at the Olympics!

Unwelcome Surprise

Despite our best efforts to do nothing this weekend, Trevor and I ended up spending most of our Saturday running errands and working outside in the heat. We started early and had finished mowing and trimming the yard by about 10:30, and were sitting on the deck contemplating our neighbors. More accurately, we were contemplating the cost effectiveness was erecting a sound proof barrier between our yards.

The fence between our yards is just not enough anymore, and we need something more. When Trevor originally built our deck, he abutted it against the existing 6 foot fence. This made the 6 foot fence more like a five foot fence from our perspective and our privacy was compromised. This was especially apparent when we had friends or family over and we spend time outside. So we bought 8 foot bamboo blinds to hang between the posts to cover the space between the top of the fence and the bottom of the roof.

This has been the arrangement since the cover for the deck was built, but the bamboo blinds are beginning to dry rot, and we felt it was time for a more permanent solution to the privacy issue. The blinds were an imperfect solution to begin with, but at least they hid from view the rusting cars, old bed springs, beer cans and overgrown grass in the neighboring yard. I wish I could take a picture to document how these people live. They have no one to blame but themselves, because when they moved in the yard was pristine. On the bright side, our yard (although pretty plain) looks fabulous in comparison!

Anyway, we decided to make a wall along the edge of the deck using 6 foot fencing, which would make it 6 feet tall from our perspective and about 7 feet from their side (since they would be standing on the ground). Of course, if they really wanted to look over the fence, they have lots of broken, rusted stuff lying around on which they could stand. If I sound bitter and cynical, it comes from having the police as constant companions since these people moved in. Breaking up screaming matches between the parents out on the front lawn, arresting the oldest son for vandalism...oh, the list goes on and on. The other day, the husband took a bat to the wife's car because (according to the accusations flying around the side yard), the phone bill was too high for his taste.

Yeah. Welcome to our world. Not to mention that they are free with the vulgarity, and hold to the belief that louder is better. I think that I might be in the running for world's worst neighbors, along with Alana.

So Trevor was outside taking down the outdoor fans he had mounted to keep the air circulating under the cover, and suddenly ran in the back door with a wild look on his face and breathing as though he had just run a marathon.

He had pulled the fan down and this was suddenly right in his face.

Except when he saw it in an up close and personal way it was crawling with red wasps. Just for perspective, that board on the bottom is 6 inches across.

Yeah.

When he was describing his degree of freak out, he said:

I went from zero to heebie-jeebie.

I probably would have just passed out and awakened to life threatening stings all over my body. I was amazed that he didn't get even one sting, and we spent the rest of the afternoon swatting them away and spraying them with poison because they kept looking for their nest.

(I tried to get a picture of the new wall, but the humidity is so high this morning that it keeps fogging my lens, and after about 47 attempts, I just gave up.)

Then Sings My Soul Saturday

Before the Throne of God Above

I discovered the group Selah almost 3 years ago through a friend at work. I love Christmas music and she let me borrow one of their albums. I was immediately hooked and went out and bought all of their music.

This song was on one their albums, and although the tune is relatively new (it was originally sung to the tune of Sweet Hour of Prayer), the lyrics are not. They were written in 1863 by Charitie Bancroft. I was looking for information about this hymn, and found a great post at the Orchard Keeper.

If you go there, you can find the lyrics and a beautiful breakdown of the scripture found in this song. Once you've read the post, come back and listen to the rendition by Selah....you will be blessed.

The Post That Explains It All

I saw this little test over at Lisa's blog and then again at Linda's. So in the interest of jumping on the bandwagon, fitting in and generally being a lemming, here are the results of my brain test:

Xandra, you are somewhat left-hemisphere dominant and show a preference for visual learning, although not extreme in either characteristic. You probably tend to do most things in moderation, but not always.
Your left-hemisphere dominance implies that your learning style is organized and structured, detail oriented and logical. Your visual preference, though, has you seeking stimulation and multiple data. Such an outlook can overwhelm structure and logic and create an almost continuous state of uncertainty and agitation. You may well suffer a feeling of continually trying to "catch up" with yourself.
Your tendency to be organized and logical and attend to details is reasonably well-established which should afford you success regardless of your chosen field of endeavor. You can "size up" situations and take in information rapidly. However, you must then subject that data to being classified and organized which causes you to "lose touch" with the immediacy of the problem.
Your logical and methodical nature hamper you in this regard though in the long run it may work to your advantage since you "learn from experience" and can go through the process more rapidly on subsequent occasions.
You remain predominantly functional in your orientation and practical. Abstraction and theory are secondary to application. In keeping with this, you focus on details until they manifest themselves in a unique pattern and only then work with the "larger whole."
With regards to your career choices, you have a mentality that would be good as a scientist, coach, athlete, design consultant, or an engineering technician. You can "see where you want to go" and even be able to "tell yourself," but find that you are "fighting yourself" at the darndest times.

Much like Gracie's ear confection, this explains so much!

The Cone of Uncertainty

If you live on the Gulf Coast, then you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's hurricane season, and when there is a storm brewing in the Gulf the possible track that it can take makes up the Cone of Uncertainty (imagine a man with a deep, reverberating voice saying that every time that you read it).

When we woke up yesterday morning, tropical storm Edouard had formed seemingly overnight. We begin making plans at work to have the patients call us before their appointment times, in case the storm wreaked havoc on the electricity and we were unable to treat them. I dutifully took home a list of patient phone numbers in the event that the weather worsened overnight and I couldn't get in to work to call them.

When I woke up this morning, the Cone of Uncertainty (Did you do it?...You know, the voice. It's important that you imagine the voice) had narrowed and we were right in the middle of it. Eduard made landfall between High Island and Sabine Pass. We live east of Houston, so we are right in the path, but luckily it never strengthened into a hurricane, and even if it had it would have only been a Category I. If you live on the coast, you don't really get concerned until you hear Category 3. The danger with the tropical storms is not the wind, but the rain.

So, I'm sitting here at work, watching the weather so I can get home if I need to. I work in Houston, so the weather here is not as bad as it is where I live. My concern is flash flooding, but since Trevor is at home with the kids today, he's keeping me updated on the current weather conditions.

Warning: Lock the Door

It finally happened. It's been seven years and it finally happened. Be warned that this post merits an R rating for partial nudity. The humor isn't coarse, but rest assured it is hilarious.

Trevor got home on Tuesday night after 10 days in Shanghai. At 8 o'clock we put the kids in bed, as per our usual schedule. Trevor was so tired and jet lagged, that he wanted to go ahead and hit the sack too. It was still light outside, but we didn't care and we started making our way through the house, turning out lights and locking doors.

When we finally made it to bed, we were enjoying some close, marital bonding when all of the sudden there was a small head next to my pillow. We froze (luckily under the covers for the most part) when we heard Gracie's little voice ask,

Mommy? Why aren't you wearing any pajamas?

Now I realize this might be more information than anyone needed, but I was crying I was laughing so hard. She proceeded to ask us what we were doing, and Trevor told her we were wrestling. This just made me laugh harder, so I didn't actually see her leave the bedroom.

Just for reference, Trevor installed a motion sensitive light in our hallway when we moved in. It makes it easy to know when the kids get up at night, and it's nice to never have to turn on the hall light. Since the kids are still little, we sleep with our door open so we can hear (and see) them at night. We've never had the problem of being, ahem, interrupted, because the light always gives us enough warning, and they are typically in a deep sleep by the time we got to bed. Unfortunately, the fact that it was still light outside made the hall light less noticeable and thus we were discovered.

Later, we were reading in bed, and we saw the light come back on. Gracie peeked around the corner and asked,

Are you finished wrestling?

Oh yes. She did. All we could say later was thank goodness it wasn't Nathan. I doubt very seriously that we could have brushed the 7 year old off so easily. I guess we have entered the phase of closing and locking our bedroom door when we want to be alone. Or get rid of the kids...wait, no. They're too useful for getting the remote control and fetching drinks.

Reunion

I've mentioned before that Trevor did not want to go on this trip to China. I may have mentioned that he has called us every morning and every night since he has been gone.

No?

I only mention it now because if there was ever a man who hated talking on the phone, it would be my husband. We get in more fights spirited conversations over his a) inattention while we are on the phone (talking to other people, uh huh-ing me to death) or b) tone of voice and/or things he says (he thinks short and clipped is efficient and a good use of time...I think it's rude).


As you can see, the fact that he has called us so much is a true indicator of how much he misses us and wishes that he was back home. He called me yesterday morning to let me know that he had found a flight home a few days early since they were finished with all the work. He had been trying to confirm the flight since Friday, but they were all full.


So, as I am typing this, he is somewhere above Colorado and on his way home. I've been tracking his flight all morning in eager anticipation of his arrival. His mom is going to pick him up from the airport since I can't get away from work, but they are going to stop by on the way home so I can see him.

I changed the sheets this morning so he would have a fresh, clean bed to slip into when he gets home, and there is a full bottle of his favorite coffee creamer in the fridge. As I was changing the sheets, I was thinking about something Nathan said Sunday morning. He and Grace had crawled into bed with me, and as we were laying there talking and laughing he said, "Wouldn't this be great if Daddy were here with us?"

Yes. Yes it would.

Then Sings My Soul Saturday

He Keeps Me Singing

This is one of the first songs that I can remember from my childhood. It runs a close second to Victory in Jesus, but it's a close race. I can still hear my grandfather's voice echoing back through the years, singing this song in the front room of their old house while I lounged on the couch watching their quartet practice.

I could sing all the words to this song long before I could read, and remember feeling a sense of satisfaction at being able to sing them as my father lead music on Sunday morning. I was only 3 or 4, but even then music was a big part of my world and how I related to it. I was surrounded by music all the time, interwoven into the tapestry of my life. It's ever changing, iridescent threads weaving in and out of my experiences and shaping my thoughts about God and my relationships with others.

When I had children of my own, it was important to me that they hear and learn the songs that first became to dear to me when I was a child. I can remember rocking Nathan at 2 am, with a bottle in one hand and the hymnal in the other singing through it, one song at a time. When Gracie came along, I continued the tradition and she really had an ear for music. For the longest time, her favorite song was I'll Fly Away, and she would sing it all the time. Then one day, she asked me to sing "Welcome Me". I couldn't figure out what she meant for a minute, and then I realized that she meant "He Keeps Me Singing". The last verse begins with, "Soon He's coming back to welcome me..."

So we sang it, and the hymn officially became known as "Welcome Me". When Gramps passed away 2 years ago, the congregation sang it, since it was one of his favorite songs. Hearing Grace sing it today in that sweet little voice just adds to the rich tapestry of musical history in my life. It fills my heart with joy for all the things with which God has blessed me. It reminds me that no matter what happens in this life, my heart is filled with a beautiful melody of praise for Him and the knowledge that He is always with me in spirit and will one day come back for me in the flesh.

There’s within my heart a melody

Jesus whispers sweet and low,

Fear not, I am with thee, peace, be still,

In all of life’s ebb and flow.

Refrain:

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus,

Sweetest Name I know,

Fills my every longing,

Keeps me singing as I go.

All my life was wrecked by sin and strife,

Discord filled my heart with pain,

Jesus swept across the broken strings,

Stirred the slumb’ring chords again.

Feasting on the riches of His grace,

Resting ’neath His shelt’ring wing,

Always looking on His smiling face,

That is why I shout and sing.

Though sometimes He leads through waters deep,

Trials fall across the way,

Though sometimes the path seems rough and steep,

See His footprints all the way.

Soon He’s coming back to welcome me,

Far beyond the starry sky;

I shall wing my flight to worlds unknown,

I shall reign with Him on high.

Return to Me

Return to me

Oh my dear I am so lonely

Hurry back, hurry back

Oh my love hurry back

I am yours

Return to me

For my heart wants you only

Hurry home, hurry home

Won't you please hurry home

To my heart

My darling

If I hurt you, I am sorry

Forgive me

And please say you are mine

Return to me

Please come back bella mia

Hurry back, hurry home

To my arms, to my lips

And my arms

Return to me

God te mia ti amo

Solo tu, solo tu

Solo tu, solo tu

Mi amour(Return to me)

Hurry home to us......we're waiting with hugs and kisses and lots of love.

All Things Considered, We're Doing Just Fine

Well, my call Sunday morning went fine and so did lunch. Everyone enjoyed the ham and the dressing is always a hit with his family. We wrapped the afternoon up early since everyone was pretty tired, so the kids and I were able to relax and unwind.

I was feeling very happy and in control of my destiny, so I decided to go to bed early in preparation for Monday morning. I was slated to work the early shift, which meant leaving the house around 6:45 am. I had already spoken to Heather about dropping Grace off a little early, and Morgan was due to arrive between 7 and 7:15 to take care of Nathan. He had already informed me that he was OK to stay home for a little while by himself until Morgan arrived.

So I went to bed with a self-satisfied smile and all was well with my world. Sure, Trevor was halfway across the globe, but I had a Plan.

Ha!

I was ripped from my dreamless sleep at 10:00 pm by the sound of the phone ringing. Since everyone who knows us is aware that we are usually in bed by 9:00, I assumed that it was some sort of emergency (or at least it had better be!). It was Heather, calling to say that her youngest son Carson had high fever and that she would not be keeping Grace in the morning.

So much for the Plan. The disruption of my Plans seems to be a recurring trend in recent days.

So, I did what I always do when my Plans are destroyed. I pulled the covers up over my head and worried for the next 30 minutes. It was too late too call Morgan to come earlier since she is 16 and still living at home. I didn't relish the possibility of waking her parents and making them angry. It was too late to call Trevor's parents to see if I could drop Gracie off in the morning so I decided to bring her to work with me.

So, first thing in the morning, I left Nathan at home with a bowl of cereal and the remote control and packed Gracie up for the ride in to work. We were the only ones there at first because it was so early. I warmed the machines up and got everything ready for the first few patients. When it got late enough that I thought Trevor's mom would be awake, I called her to see if she would meet me halfway home to get Gracie and bring her to Morgan. She graciously agreed and we set off, but not before Gracie charmed everyone with her sparkling personality and infectious smile.

The night before, the situation seemed like an unsolvable problem. I was worried about the kids, about my job and about being in two places at once. But once things got going, it all fell into place like clockwork. God knew what I needed and He provided a way for me to take care of everything. My boss didn't care that I brought Grace with me (she actually thanked me for juggling everthing). Trevor's mom didn't mind meeting me. Morgan didn't mind the added responsibility of another child, and none of it was coincidence. It was all Providence and I give God all the glory for all the pieces of my crazy puzzle of a life falling into place so neatly.

The rest of the week has been pretty smooth sailing, except for the fact that Gracie came down with a viral fever midweek, but she's feeling better now. We're all glad that it's Friday and that we have the weekend to unwind and be together. Trevor's maternal grandmother is in town, and we are going out to his parent's house on Sunday after church for his dad's world famous ribs. Well, they would be world famous if anyone outside the family ever tasted them.

I'm hoping that things slow down a bit at home and at work so I'll have time to blog more frequently. There are so many things that have happened...little milestones and sweet moments...that I intend to blog about, but then get lost in the shuffle of work, dinner, baths, housework and playing Candyland.

The Best Laid Plans

Trevor left for China yesterday morning, and arrived there this morning. That's 23 hours from take-off to arriving in his hotel room. As you can imagine, he was not particularly thrilled to leave. I felt so sorry for him as I watched him walk into the terminal. I would have gladly taken his place if I had any idea what it is he does at work, but I'm pretty sure it involves math and spatial reasoning, so that was out.

I invited Trevor's family over for lunch Sunday after church in honor of several birthdays we had last week. I spent the early morning today sweeping, mopping and doing some general cleaning, and then cooked as much of the meal as I could. It's hard to get home from church and have dinner on the table without some serious prep work.

I decided to make a ham, chicken and cornbread dressing, green beans, cucumber salad and homemade biscuits. The dressing was easy to prepare, because everything can be cooked, chopped or prepared ahead of time, and then mixed together at the last minute to bake. I made the cucumber salad, and baked a cake. I figured that we would go to the early service, I would teach Sunday School and then be home around 11am. I would run home between the service and SS to throw the ham and dressing in the oven, and then whip up the biscuits when I got home.

Of course I had a plan. I always have a plan. I live for having plans and lists and rigidly adhered to schedules.

My plans were running smoothly until about 6:30 pm this evening. That was the time one of the physicians from work called. Called to let me know that I needed to be at work in the morning to treat an emergent patient. An emergent patient that couldn't wait until Monday.

I asked her if I could call her right back about what time I could get there, because I needed to find someone to keep the kids for me. Luckily, she offered to bring one of her daughters with her to keep an eye on Nathan and Grace while we do our work. Whew! Problem #1 solved.

Problem #2 was figuring out how I was going to cook a 9 pound ham without actually being here. It needs to go in the oven around 9 to be ready for noon, and I'm not sure I'll be home by then. So I pulled out the owners manual for my oven to see if there was a cook delay feature, and lo and behold there was!! Whoo hoo! Problem #2 solved.

So I'm back on track with my plans, and now it's time for me to go to bed since I have to get up stupid early.

Living in the Moment

Well, it's that time again. Trevor is leaving for China tomorrow. We have high hopes that this will be his last venture in that general direction, but I'm not holding my breath. His division was bought out by a Russian company, so even if his trips to Shanghai are curtailed, he will still need to travel to Russia. As a matter of fact, he his going there for two weeks at the end of August.

So, today is going to be a rush of preparations and early goodbyes. He took yesterday afternoon off to run some last minute errands (which included buying me this...he so totally loves me!), and pack his suitcase. I'll pick up his last bit of clothing from the cleaners on the way home, and then we will begin the routine.

Of course, the bright side to all this traveling, is that he is really racking up the frequent flyer miles that I'm going to need to go see Courtney in New Zealand! Actually, I'm going to need a few to go to Denver one more time to tell her goodbye, but then the saving really begins in earnest.

As we prepare for his departure, we are surrounded by all the notices and forms necessary for the new school year. It's hard to believe that Grace is going to be in preschool and that Nathan will be in 2nd grade. I watch them playing and notice the sturdiness of their bodies and how tall they have grown. They are both children now, not babies. Neither has even an inkling of the baby fat they once had at the elbows and knees...you know those sweet little folds that linger even after infancy is a thing of the past? Gone are the chubby hands and the chunky, square feet.

They have been replaced with long, lean tanned limbs and strong hands. I can put Nathan's flip flops on. My heel hangs off the back, but I can still put them on. They have ideas of their own that have merit and they show me day by day that they are gaining their independence from Trevor and me. They are bright, imaginative children with a great propensity for love and affection, and I am filled with pride when I look at them.

The funny thing is that I don't really want to go back. I mean, it would be fun and nostalgic to hold them again as babies, but seriously, do I want to be responsible for a human being whose only function is to eat, poop and sleep? I think not. The sleepless nights of feeding, crying and changing diapers. The carefully balanced nap schedule that precludes any notion of leaving the house. The frustrating months when they couldn't quite talk, but did plenty of whining to let us know what they wanted.

Good times.

And they were, in their own right. Those days had their sweetness as well, but given the choice, I'd rather have my kids the age they are right now. And the truth be told, I hope that I feel this way with each passing year as I see them grow and mature. I want to be content with my memories and the knowledge that I did my best through the power of Christ to raise them to be a Godly man and woman. I don't want to feel like I want to do it all over again...I want to do it right the first time and enjoy my children in the moment.

Of course, we'll see how I feel at the end of these two weeks. I might be briefly longing for the future date of an empty nest just to get a few minutes of peace and quiet!

The Dangers of Summertime Fun

Trevor recently purchased an above ground swimming pool for our personal summertime enjoyment. The kids have had a blast swimming and playing out there and so have we. They both swim like fish and spend most of their time underwater.

When we went home for the 4th, we went swimming and Trevor got an ear infection after the fact. He's on antibiotics and steroids now, but Gracie was very concerned about his ears. We told them that the reason we make them wear ear plugs when they swim, is so that they don't get swimmers ear which can lead to ear infections.

Gracie marched into the living room this evening and announced:

I have an ear confection.

Wow. That explains so many things.

Guess Who's Coming to Lunch?

Guess who made my day Wednesday by meeting me for lunch? OK...here are a few clues:

• She has a blog.
• She loves to read.
• She's on my blogroll.
• She's been to my house before.
• She's a wonderful, intelligent, Christian woman.
• Sadly, she calls UT her Alma mater.
• She secretly wants to be an Aggie.

Although it would be cool to offer a prize to the first person to guess Linda, I'm not. But if I were, it would be something really great, like an all expense paid trip to Aruba.

Or not.

It probably would have been more like a $10 gift card to Barnes and Noble, which is just enough money to get you in the door, but not enough to actually buy anything that you want. It would be like a teaser gift.

But since I'm not giving away a prize for guessing, no one has to worry about getting into a bathing suit for the trip to Aruba or being disappointed at how little $10 will buy you at Barnes and Noble. I'm so glad that I cleared that up for everyone.

In case you've forgotten (because I momentarily did), I was posting about my lunch date with Linda. She picked me up from work and we went here. Their chicken fried steak with jalapeno cream gravy is truly magical. We had a good visit, although it was too short for my taste. It appears that I actually have to be at work in order to get paid.

Bummer.

It's been a joy getting to know Linda. If you've never read her blog, you should head over there. I promise...you will be blessed.

I Believe a Do Over Is In Order

As I mentioned in my last post, we went home to Louisiana for the 4th of July. Courtney, Chris and Jack were visiting from Denver and so we got to spend some time with them as well.

When we arrived Thursday night, Courtney and Chris announced that they were moving to New Zealand. They have always wanted to live abroad, and this was a great opportunity for them to do just that. We were all a bit stunned, but excited for them nonetheless.

We spent Friday morning getting ready for the midday celebration at Uncle Tellius and Jan's house, and then the rest of the afternoon eating BBQ and swimming with the kids. Amber and I resisted getting into our suits at first, but after about an hour of watching the guys swim while we sweated in the heat, we gave in. I borrowed a suit from Jan, and Amber changed into the one she brought.

As a general rule, the only person who sees my thighs without fabric encasing them is Trevor, and this time was no exception. I wrapped the biggest towel I could find around my waist, and then left it there until I made it to the pool edge. Then, and only then, did I quickly drop the towel and dive in at the same moment.

I don't have body issues or anything, ya'll.

We had a great time swimming, and then we packed up and headed back to Mama and Daddy's for an evening of Canasta and spades. Chris is an excellent card player, and although he had never played Canasta before, he picked it up incredibly quickly. Usually Chris is pretty quiet. He's the newest member of the family, and since they live in Denver we don't all get together very often. But this trip, he was all over the smart aleck remarks and witty comebacks for which my family is famous.

Or infamous. Whatever.

I enjoyed getting to know him better, and feeling like he was really part of the family. We stayed up way too late playing cards and then we had to get up early for the sailing trip that we had planned with Amber and David. We met in Mandeville at 9 o'clock in the morning, and went sailing on Lake Pontchartrain on their 27 foot sail boat. It was the first time the "kids" had been able to get away and spend some time together without the constant stream of kids tugging at sleeves and needing a drink.

We stayed out all morning and leisurely sailed around the lake while we talked and laughed. Trevor was a little green around the gills in spite of his patch for motion sickness, but he made it through the morning okay. We were having such a good time that it was a little disappointing to have to turn around and head back in, but it was starting to get hot and we were glad to get into the air conditioned car.

We spent the rest of the day doing pretty much nothing, which was fine with me. Courtney and I had lunch with Uncle Chuck and an old friend of his, but beyond that we just laid around and looked at each other. Sunday morning we decided to forgo church services so that we could spend some additional time with Courtney and Chris before we headed back to Texas.

Courtney and I spent the morning preparing lunch in between packing to go home and dealing with the kids. When Mama and Daddy got home from church, we sat down for burgers and 4th of July leftovers. As is our custom, when lunch was over Trevor and I began to say our goodbyes so that we could get on the road for our 4 hour trip. I made the rounds to Amber and David, and then found Courtney for a quick hug goodbye.

Mid-hug, we both realized that this was really goodbye. As in "Courtney is moving halfway around the world and it might be years before I see her again" goodbye. We had been discussing the move all weekend. We talked about web cams and email. We reviewed the cost of plane tickets and how often we might be able to see one another. But I forgot one important thing.

We would have to say goodbye.

As we stood there and hugged, we both cried and just couldn't let go. We both wanted to comfort each other and kept patting each other on the back and saying things like, "I'll come visit" and "It's going to be okay", but we were still hanging on for dear life. We pulled apart and then started hugging again. I felt like a little part of my soul was being torn away, and the only way to get it back was to not let go of her.

But since we are not physically joined at the hip, we eventually had to let go and finish our goodbyes. I hugged everyone else, and then gave her one more quick squeeze before I got in the car, holding back the torrent of tears that were threatening to fall. I made it just out of the driveway before they came. My heart was breaking at the thought of this being our last time to see one another for an undefined amount of time.

About 45 minutes into the trip, Courtney sent me a text saying that she had tried to send me a picture, but forgot that my iPhone doesn't do multimedia messages. (It is so tempting to insert a rant here about the stupidity of Apple for not including sending pictures in text messages as part of the software for a $400 phone, but this post is not about my iPhone) I texted her back to tell her that I was not adequately prepared for our goodbye, and that I wanted a do over.

So, as soon as I find out when they are moving, I am going to use some frequent flier miles and go see her one more time. This time, I'm going to be prepared for the goodbye.

I'm Still Here

I can't begin to count the number of times in the last 2 weeks that I have sat down to blog. Every time, it seemed that I had something more pressing to do and I never got around to it. I had approximately 327 topics floating around in my head that I wanted to write about, but it never seemed to be a good time.

The lack of blogging time all started with an increased patient load at work. Normally, I have time throughout the day to check email, read my favorite blogs and what have you. But due to the elevated number of patients Every. Single. Moment. of my day was spent trying to treat them and/or play catch up. And just for the record, I would rather be spoon fed my own vomit than get behind at work. Well, maybe not, but you get the picture. I don't like making my patients wait, and I don't like to work through lunch and after my day should be over.

So, all the things that I normally do on the computer during the day, got pushed to the evenings when I got home. That is after I cooked dinner picked up pizza, fed the kids, cleaned up the dishes, watched them swim, dried them off, got them ready for bed and sat down. As you can imagine, the time left over for blogging was drastically reduced especially after I checked my email and tried to read and comment on all of my favorite blogs. Then there was the issue of preparing my Sunday School lesson and doing the homework for my Bible study. I am pleased to report that those two items took precedence over blogging, but didn't change the fact that I wanted to blog.

It's been a whirlwind of activity since the last time I was able to post. Nathan and Gracie both had well child visits on Monday the 23rd, and were both in great health. Nathan is 58 lbs and 49 inches tall, and Gracie is 36 lbs and 38 inches tall. Am I the only mother who lies about can't remember the number of servings of the different foods groups that their children ingest? Does ice cream count as dairy? How about the 10 calorie juice packs....fruit or not? I find myself mumbling the answers to the nurse, just waiting for the look of disapproval. I think I'm going to have the food pyramid tattooed on my palm so I can give her the correct numbers next time.

Then Trevor's brother Will and his wife Charly had their second child on the 26th. His name is Alexander Carl, and he looks just like his older brother Nick. Several evenings were spent visiting them in the hospital, and mother and baby are doing fine.

Gracie had to go back to the doctor on Friday the 27 to get her immunizations because she had a fever within 24 hours of her original appointment, and they didn't want to give her the shots on Monday. Trevor took her to the appointment and she got FIVE shots! He said that she didn't even cry until the 5th one...I telling you people....she's going to breeze through childbirth one day. This child has an incredible tolerance to pain.

I can't remember for the life of me what we did that weekend, but I do know that I had a hard time using the computer because there were two keys on missing on my keyboard. Apparently, one of the cats had been sleeping on my open laptop, and when Trevor discovered her, she jumped off so quickly that one of her claws caught in the keys and broke the "m" and the "k" off. I was so irritated at the weird feeling of typing without all of the keys, that I refused to use my computer.

It didn't last long. By Sunday, I was making nice with the keyboard and trying my best to use it without complaining to Trevor every 30 seconds about how strange it felt. But I wasn't up for trying to blog. I just checked my email and (you guessed it) read my favorite blogs.

Trevor went to Oklahoma City for a business trip on Monday, so I was busy with the kids, and then the week sort of slid into the Fourth of July holiday. I spent every night washing clothes and getting the kids packed for their week long stay with Nannie and Papa. (Oh yes! Don't worry...it's a topic for another day!)

Then we made the trip to Louisiana for the long weekend, and had a fabulous time hanging out and relaxing. I was sort of glad that my computer access was restricted, because it was quite liberating to not be worrying about checking my email, etc. That is, until I finally checked my homepage, and I had roughly 4598 blog posts to read on bloglines! I am slowly making my way through each one, so if you are wondering why I haven't commented in a while, now you know.

So, here I am at work on my lunch break trying to put it all together in one post. I have received so many emails checking up on me to make sure that I hadn't fallen off the face of the planet, which seriously gave me a case of the warm fuzzies. It's always nice to be missed, even if my little corner of the blogosphere is small and hobbit-hole like. It just reaffirms my belief that I have made some very dear friends as a result of my blogging addiction. So thank you for your emails of concern...it's good to be back.

Bridging the Gap

This has been a wonderful evening. Trevor's paternal grandmother has been visiting for about a week now, and we asked the family over for dinner tonight. I was off with the kids today, so it was no problem for me to cook dinner for everyone. I made a roasted pork loin, smoked Gouda potatoes Au gratin, green beans, butter beans and biscuits. I also had some fresh tomatoes that a patient gave me from his garden as well as fresh cucumbers.

Everyone enjoyed dinner as well as the Texas sheet cake I made for dessert. If I had been asked 6 weeks ago if I would truly enjoy spending an evening with my in laws, I would have responded very negatively. It would have been an evening to be suffered through and the source of stress and tension.

Enter God.

Trevor and I had noticed a growing distance between us and his parents for several years. Because of the distance, we took every single thing they did far more personally than we should have. We could never seem to bridge the gap between us, and it was causing serious problems with our relationship. My heart broke to see Trevor feeling so angry and hurt, and it made me angry that my children were not able to have a relationship with their grandparents.

Without rehashing things that make no difference now, we were barely on speaking terms with them. The straw that broke the camel's back came several months ago, and we had roughly 2 conversations with them since that incident. Looking back, I'm sure that they were not even aware that they had done anything to offend, thanks to our passive-aggressive approach.

We knew that something had to give. We knew that we could not continue on like we had been and still be walking the Christian walk. We knew that Trevor had to have a conversation with his parents, and we felt sure that it would not be easy or well received.

Lucky for me, we have what we call "The In-law Rule" in our family. This means that in laws are not responsible for having deep conversations about behavior or any other topic that might cause stress and tension. Those conversations are the responsibility of the natural child and other siblings if necessary. I had a conversation with my own father several years ago about some things that were bothering me, and Trevor and Ronna were outside the entire time. Patrick was the one who stayed with me for support.

So Trevor went out to their house a few Sunday afternoons ago. As soon as he left the house, I called Mama and Daddy and Amber and David. Patrick and Ronna already knew his plans, and were praying for him. I sat down in my arm chair and began to pray. I prayed that God would give him the right words to heal the relationship and to show them the depth of his pain and resentment. I prayed that they would be receptive to what he had to say and that the conversation would not be bitter.

As I prayed for Trevor, I also began to realize that I needed to pray for him to have an open mind himself. I prayed that he would be open to whatever response they had to him and that he would be gracious and forgiving. I prayed that God would have His hand over Trevor for the entire visit.

Praise God, He answers prayers! When Trevor got home 3 1/2 hours later, he was all smiles and had so much to tell me. His parents listened to what he had to say, and they had some things to get off their chests as well. They covered every single topic that had bothered Trevor, and they didn't hold anything back. They spoke to each other like loving adults, and were all willing to look at things objectively.

The bottom line was that pretty much all of our issues were due to miscommunication. Each time one of us was misunderstood, the gap widened between us until it became impossible to cross alone. I am convinced that God bridged the gap for my husband and his parents that Sunday. He made it possible to heal a relationship that I had all but given up on. That just goes to show how much I know! With God, anything is possible.

Anything.

So, because of that beautiful reconciliation, we have been spending a lot of time with his family. Not just spending time with them, but truly enjoying ourselves with them. We've been able to let down the defensive wall that we had built around ourselves and get to know them all over again.

These are some pictures from Saturday. We had a fish fry out at their house and had a wonderful time. I just wish I had taken some pictures of all the Canasta playing that was going on!!

Then Sings My Soul Saturdays

The Champion

I am a total child of the 80's. I spent my junior high and high school years listening to Def Leppard, The Police, Chicago, Richard Marx and Journey. I remember when Contemporary Christian music really began. I live in the Houston area and remember when KSBJ (the now powerhouse Christian radio station) came on air. Back then, it was all light rock, easy listening...nothing like contemporary Christian music now.

But it was no wonder as the genre grew that it produced artists that appealed to teenagers of the time. I spent many a summer choir tour with my church youth group singing along to Amy Grant, Michael W. Smith, Al Denson, Gabriel, Wayne Watson and Carman as loud as we could. I have so many of those old songs on my iPhone, and every time I hear one I get really nostalgic for those days.

During the time when I was finding my way through the difficult labyrinth of my teenage years, these songs grew my faith in a way that defies explanation. And I remember the words to these songs as well as I remember the words to the hymns that I love so well. Completely different feel and sound, but still edifying and important. So you will forgive me if my song today is a bit dated.

I can remember thinking that this was such cool metaphor for the sacrifice that Christ made for us...and it is peppered with phrases from the time period. Seriously, Christ tells Satan to "go ahead, make my day" which made us howl with laughter. It's not completely biblically accurate, but not in a way that damages the gospel in any way. My friends and I listened to it over and over again to memorize the lyrics so we could perform the song for each other verbatim.

Anyway, I'll stop rambling about it, and get to the song. I'm not posting the lyrics because it's a song (well, it's mostly spoken, but you get the picture) that needs to be heard and not read. The video I found is mostly a black screen with a few random bursts of light and imagery, so don't think something is wrong with your video player.

It's long (a little over 8 minutes) but I think it's worth it. I still get chills when I hear it and I hope that you'll give this old relic a chance to speak to your soul about the spiritual realm and the warfare that continues to rage around us every day. Warfare that continues, but that we have ultimate victory over because Jesus is the champion!

Life Will Never Be the Same

My parents have a timeshare, and they took Nathan and Grace with them to enjoy a week of fun in the sun. This particular timeshare had an indoor water park, which the kids enjoyed immensely. According to Mama, they liked the water park with all the water slides, lazy rivers and whatnot, but what they really loved was the pool near the cabin.

They had the best time swimming and playing together, without having to listen to me yell at them to be careful and stop running. I was not there to yell at them to stop having a good time running, because I was at home with Trevor enjoying the sound of, well...no kids running.

We ate out every night and came home to a house that looked exactly as we left it. No stray Lego pieces on the floor. No random parts of a dollhouse under the kitchen table. Just furniture and 2 cats.

Two sad, lonely cats I might add. We are clearly not as entertaining as the kids when it comes to keeping the felines happy.

While I'm on the subject of sad and lonely, I suppose I should include myself and Trevor. We enjoyed our time together, but the life we had before children is gone and we like it that way. Sometimes we moan and groan about never having a moment of peace, and about how we can't go out at the drop of a hat, but the truth is, we wouldn't trade it for the world. Our house is not home without Nathan and Grace in it.

People always say with a tone of great foreboding that your life will never be the same once you have kids. I always say it with joy and happiness to newly pregnant friends. Of course your life will never be the same. Just like when you left home for the first time, or when you got married. Life was never meant to stay the same. God intends for us to grow and expand, so that we can be used by Him.

Do I miss the days of deciding to see a movie at 9pm Friday night and just going? Sometimes. Do I miss being able to read (or sew, or visit with a girlfriend) all afternoon with no interruptions? Of course. But the joy of having a child love me unconditionally far exceeds the fleeting happiness that comes with those other things. Given the choice, I'll take those sticky hands and dirty faces any day of the week.

We're Missing a People

That's what Gracie said on the way home from Trevor's parents house this evening. We were asking her if she was excited about Nathan coming home tomorrow, and after she enthusiastically answered in the affirmative, she told us we were missing a people.

Yes. Yes, we are.

We are missing a people in our family, and his name is Nathan. He has been gone for roughly 3 weeks now. He spent the first week in Washington, DC with Patrick, Ronna and Benjamin. He came home long enough for me to wash his clothes, repack them and send him on a trip with Nannie and Papa to Tyler for a week. He came home for one night, and then went home to Louisiana with Mama and Daddy for a week.

I am ready for my baby to be home.

I'm ready to tuck him in again at night and to be the first to greet him in the morning. I am ready to see his clothes mixed in with ours when I do laundry, and for there to be four dirty plates after dinner. I am ready to play a rousing game of UNO and to hear about the latest level he's achieved on his GameBoy.

I am ready.

Playing Catch Up

I looked at the date of my last post, horrified to discover that it has been an entire week since I've written anything. It's not that I don't have material...I just don't seem to have the time.

I am a list maker. I have been known to make lists of my lists, depending on how busy I am. So, due to my lack of energy time, I am making a list of things about which I want to blog.

Ahem.

1. Nathan and Grace's trip to Tyler with my parents.

2. Our reconciliation with Trevor's parents.

3. Linda's visit last Friday.

4. Father's Day.

5. My struggle with anger and selfishness.

6. The excitement of beginning a new Bible study with Linda via email.

7. My journey down the treacherous path playing Canasta with Trevor's family.

8. The seemingly insurmountable stack of books that I have laying on my table waiting to be read. (Thank you Linda!!)

Oh, this list could go on and on, but I think I'll stop there. I may or may not ever get around to posting about all of these things, but I feel better for getting them on a list. Now for the surprisingly satisfying task of crossing them off, one by one!

The Trip in Pictures

He's Home!!!

Nathan is finally home! I picked him up from the airport yesterday morning, and it is so good to have our little family intact again. As I was waiting for him to come down the Jetway, I could barely contain my excitement. When he caught sight of me, he bolted for the gate and fell into my arms. I didn't cry when he left, but I couldn't help the tears of joy as I held him again.

He talked non-stop as we walked through the terminal to the baggage claim, the words tumbling out and spilling over as he told me about his trip. You would never have guessed that he called me 4 days into the trip, sobbing so hard I couldn't understand him, because he was so homesick. He spoke like a seasoned traveler about the plane ride and all of the things that he did with Uncle Patrick, Aunt Ronna and Benjamin.

When we turned down our street, I saw that Trevor and Gracie were waiting outside for us. As soon as I stopped, Nathan threw his door open, tumbled out and yelled for Gracie as she was running for him. It was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. For all of their sibling bickering, pushing and shoving, they truly missed one another and were glad to be reunited. As they hugged there in the front yard, I quickly prayed that they would be blessed with the kind of relationship I have with my siblings as an adult. Loving, close and always there for each other.


After saying his hellos to Gracie, Nathan turned his attention to Trevor and ran to him for a big hug. He was so overjoyed to be back in his own house with his family that he could barely stand it! We all felt that way. We couldn't speak fast enough to do all of the catching up we wanted to do!

Last night, Nathan and Grace wanted to sleep together, so of course we let them. I'm sure the newness will wear off soon, and they will be fussing again, but I'm enjoying this new found peace for now. As I closed my eyes to go to sleep, I gave a happy and contented sigh that my entire family was safely tucked their beds and looked forward to a deep sleep.

It was one of the best nights of sleep that I've ever had.

Seriously.

Right before I turned out the light I half-jokingly asked Trevor what in the world I was going to do when Nathan went to college, if I had trouble sleeping while he was on temporary vacation? He logically pointed out that I had many years before that happened (clearly, he is not a mother), and had to worry about it.

But, having him home for now made for a really great night of sleep, and I'm happy to have him home. I have a ton of pictures that Patrick and Ronna sent of the trip, but I haven't had the time to do anything with them. Until I can get them in order, here is one of my favorites from his trip to the Mall.

Then Sings My Soul Saturdays

He Will Hide Me

I love the story of God hiding Moses in the cleft of the rock to protect him from seeing God's full glory. It shows much of God's character in one story...loving, protecting, holy and righteous.

12 Then Moses said to the LORD, “See, You say to me, ‘Bring up this people.’ But You have not let me know whom You will send with me. Yet You have said, ‘I know you by name, and you have also found grace in My sight.’
13 Now therefore, I pray, if I have found grace in Your sight, show me now Your way, that I may know You and that I may find grace in Your sight. And consider that this nation is Your people.”
14 And He said, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
15 Then he said to Him, “If Your Presence does not go with us, do not bring us up from here.
16 For how then will it be known that Your people and I have found grace in Your sight, except You go with us? So we shall be separate, Your people and I, from all the people who are upon the face of the earth.”
17 So the LORD said to Moses, “I will also do this thing that you have spoken; for you have found grace in My sight, and I know you by name.”
18 And he said, “Please, show me Your glory.”
19 Then He said, “I will make all My goodness pass before you, and I will proclaim the name of the LORD before you. I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.”
20 But He said, “You cannot see My face; for no man shall see Me, and live.”
21 And the LORD said, “Here is a place by Me, and you shall stand on the rock.
22 So it shall be, while My glory passes by, that I will put you in the cleft of the rock, and will cover you with My hand while I pass by.
23 Then I will take away My hand, and you shall see My back; but My face shall not be seen.” Exodus 33:12-23

This song by The Perrys is one of my favorite southern gospel songs. Every time I hear it, I feel comforted and safe, knowing that my God will hide me when I am too weak to go on. He imparts strength to the weak and help to the helpless. Even the great men of the bible cried out to God for mercy and help.

I am Job lying helpless

Suffering loss, but not hopeless

I am David, crying

Mercy, Lord, on me!

I am Elijah in a cave

Dreading the light of day

I am Daniel, humbly bowed, faithfully

I am Paul in a prison,

Lifting praise to heaven

I am John, cast out but not down

I am Moses, seeking shelter

In the cleft of the rock

Here I am Lord,

Hide me again

I finally made it

To the cleft of the rock

I'm glad for I can no longer stand

Many times I will struggle

To reach that old rock

But He will hide me again and again

Now I'm safe from the stanger,

Safe from the danger,

That would try to do me great harm;

I am wrapped up and warm

In the love of my master

I am resting while I lean on His arm

So I'll stay a little longer,

Until I am stronger;

When all of my healing is done

The ravens will feed me

And His hand will keep me

And hide me until I can go on

He hideth my soul,

In the cleft of the rock

That shadows a dry thirsty land

He hideth my life

In the depths of His love

And He will hide me

Again and again.

I Miss Him

Oh! How I miss him. Nathan has been in DC since Friday, and the house just doesn't feel the same without him in it. My routine in the morning is not the same. Coming home is not the same. Dinner is not the same. Bedtime is not the same.

The worst time of the day is when I close my eyes to go to sleep. It's my habit to think of the kids right before I fall asleep, because it's only when I reassure myself that they are safe and sleeping soundly that I can drift off. But the past few days when I've closed my eyes, all I can see is his empty bed and felt this feeling of emptiness. It's like I'm homesick for him.

I know he's safe. My brother is from Texas. He owns a Glock and has no problems using it to defend his home and family. My sister-in-law would throw herself in front of a truck if it meant saving Nathan. No, he's safe with Patrick and Ronna. He's loved, cared for and well-fed. I'm not worried about him at all.

But I miss him desperately.

I miss his quick little smile and the way he says such funny things. I miss the smell of his skin and the feel of his arms around my neck when he hugs me goodnight. I miss his nightly mantra: "Goodnight, don't let the bedbugs bite, sweet dreams, see ya in the morning." But I don't see him in the morning. I get up, get dressed, get Gracie up and going and start my day without him.

I try to quell my homesickness for him by calling Ronna at least 43 times a day for blow by blow updates about his visit. She patiently tells me everything that has happened since I called 22 minutes ago, and never makes fun of me, because she is a mom too.

On the upside, it's been fun spending some one-on-one time with Gracie. We celebrated her 4th birthday last weekend, and I realized that this was the first birthday she has ever had to herself with us. Nathan was the firstborn, so he had 3 birthdays with us before Gracie came along, but she's never experienced that. We enjoyed being able to focus on her and give her some much needed attention.

We've played games, and played outside. I didn't want to go to work yesterday because I was having such a good morning with her, that I didn't want it to end. I would have given almost anything to stay home and play "Hippomapotamus" with her. (Hungry, Hungry, Hippos) She has been so much fun to be with the past several days. I think she's enjoying this time with us as well, although she misses Nathan. She wanted to say the blessing at dinner last night, and the entire prayer was an entreaty for God to keep Nathan safe while he was at Uncle Patrick, Aunt Ronna and Benjamin's house and while he was on the plane. It was so sweet.

(Has anyone ever wished they had a video camera rolling during prayer time? My children say some of the sweetest things when they talk to God.)

Anyway, missing Nathan is about to become a bigger part of my life. When he gets home this weekend, I'll have just enough time to wash all of his clothes, repack them and send him off on vacation with my parents for a week. They are taking Nathan and Gracie to Tyler where they have a timeshare with an indoor water park.

When they get back, Nathan will go back to Louisiana with them for a week and Gracie will stay here. He will effectively be gone 3 weeks, before he comes back home for the rest of the summer. The good thing is that I will be off the Monday and Tuesday of the fourth week, so we can do some fun stuff together and catch up.

So, I need to go to bed and get some sleep, but I'm dreading all that homesickness when I close my eyes. The best thing for me (besides taking a nice dose of Lunesta) is to pray myself to sleep. It's the only thing I can do to clear my mind and bring me peace.

A Job Well Done

I've been meaning to post these photos for several weeks now, but have been so busy that I kept forgetting to download them from the camera. Nathan was so cute helping Trevor...