Last Day of Kindergarten

Today is the last day of school for Nathan. Kindergarten is over and first grade looms just over the horizon. Trevor went to the award ceremony on Tuesday where Nathan received his Kindergarten diploma, art award and an advanced reader award. He was so proud to have his daddy there and Trevor had some interesting stories to tell about the other parents who attended.

Apparently, our town's white trash population has exploded in recent years. There was one mother there wearing an informational t-shirt that let us know that "If you lick it slow, it will last longer."

Yes. You read that correctly.

This is the sort of person raising the children with which my son is attending school. Trevor could not believe the way most of these people were dressed. Not everyone can afford name brand clothing (myself included), but as my dad says, everyone can afford soap. You don't have to have money to be clean and presentable in public. This goes right back to my blog at Easter about how our society has become so informal and casual that people have no clue as to what is appropriate any more.

I long for the seemingly bygone days of straightforward etiquette regarding clothing and behavior that was the norm instead of the exception. Days when flip flops and dirty t-shirts were not acceptable attire for a school awards program. Days when people bathed and wore shoes before going to the grocery store. I realize that I live in a rural community, but come on! Unless you are purchasing snuff at the country store from the movie "Where the Red Fern Grows", you should be wearing shoes and a shirt when you go out in public.

Any, I digress. After Nathan's program he and Trevor went back to the classroom where they found a really wonderful laminated booklet that his teacher had put together for each of the kids. It was a compilation of all the major events through the year complete with pictures of Nathan, artwork and handwriting samples. I thought it was a really thoughtful thing to give the parents.

So today I am attending an end of the year family picnic with Nathan. I will stop and get a Happy Meal from McDonald's and I have a blanket for us to spread out on the ground. He was exciting about the picnic this morning but I think he was more excited that I was going to be there. There are so many events that he has had this past year that I was unable to attend, so it's always special when one of us can get there.

So, the year comes to a close and I can see such a difference in Nathan. When he started Kindergarten, he was a bit of a discipline problem. He had trouble staying in his seat, following instructions and keeping his hands to himself. But after a year with Mrs. Brown, his behavior is right on par with the other kids and he has learned so much. He is reading on a first grade level, and his writing is legible. I am amazed at how much he did in Kindergarten compared to when Trevor and I were in school, and I am so proud of him.

Customer Service

The lack of efficient, friendly customer service in this day and age never ceases to amaze me. We have become so accustomed to self-service (and bad service) that we treat any kindness given to us by a salesperson as extraordinary instead of as our right. If I am purchasing something from your company, then I expect to be satisfied with my entire experience from start to finish.

We all know that there are things that are beyond the control of even the most service-minded companies. I try to remember this when I get frustrated with slow service, particularly at restaurants. I think most of us try to put ourselves in the shoes of a flustered waiter or waitress who is waiting on food to be prepared and has no control over the situation.

I do take issue with the person behind the counter who feels as though they can't be bothered to do their job. You know the type....apparently they are doing me a favor by just showing up to work in the morning. Nothing irritates me more than standing in line for 10 minutes, finally reaching the checkout and being ignored when I greet the checker. I don't expect a soliloquy, but do expect common courtesies to be exchanged. This happens a great deal at the local grocery store where I live. The sackers are all high school boys who have nothing more on their minds than flirting with the high school girls who are the checkers. I roll up with my basket full of stuff, usually ready to pay and go home as quickly as possible, and all they want to do is flirt.

I really hate this when they try to draw me into it. "Isn't he being mean?" "Do you think I'm being mean?" Of course, neither one of them is being mean, they are just attempting witty banter and failing miserably. I just don't care. What I care about is getting the heck out the store with minimal energy expended on the state of your hormonal exchange. Of course, the whole time they are doing this, my ice cream is slowly melting because they can't talk and work at the same time.

Trevor and I were recently at WalMart and needed assistance with a locked display case. We asked for someone to be paged and then stood there and waited about 10 minutes with no sales associate in site. (Side note: calling the employees "sales associates" does not fool anyone.) I went around the corner in search of an employee and saw a woman with a blue vest who was sweeping. I asked her if she could open the display for us and she looked at me like I was from Jupiter and informed me that she only did housekeeping. I then asked her politely (but firmly) to page someone who could help us. If I told a patient who was throwing up in the middle of the hall that "I only do therapy" I would get fired! Not just that, but I am hard-wired to help. I would instinctively grab a basin and then clean up the mess. Not because I particularly like that part of health care, but because it needed to be done.

Maybe that's why I don't understand the basic rudeness of people in the service industry. It's their job to be helpful, polite and considerate. They don't have to like what they do for a living (although I would suggest a different career choice), but they do need to have basic skills for human interaction. I wonder at how many of them were raised by wolves to not possess even the most basic of social skills. Greet with a smile, do your job quickly and efficiently, tell the customer thank you and come again. That's all that is really required and it's not like it's rocket science. It just common courtesy, which sadly, is becoming a lost art.

Lessons in Social Grace

In my line of work, I get to interact with a wide variety of personalities and am often forced to bite my tongue during those interactions. (The customer is always right...the customer is always right...) But yesterday I had a patient very innocently mention that she was going to the store after her treatment to purchase a baby shower gift. You may be wondering where I am going with this. What a completely normal statement. You would be correct except that she was planning to purchase a gift for the 4 year old sibling of the new baby instead of a gift for the baby.

This sparked a conversation between myself and a co-worker about how our society fosters a sense of entitlement in our children. For example, my son is the first grandchild on both sides the family. For the first few years of his life, my mother-in-law would purchase a separate gift for Nathan regardless of the occasion. He received gifts on Father's Day, everyone else's birthday and several holidays in between. We finally had to explain that Nathan did not need a gift unless it was his birthday. To Trevor and I, the practice of giving a child a gift just because someone else receives one sends a confusing message. Primarily "I deserve a present because I showed up" instead of "I deserve a present because this is a special day celebrating my birth."

I think when parents encourage this sort of behavior it is dangerous for several reasons. First and foremost it lessens the impact of special occasions and those days become more or less run of the mill. Would you really care about birthday presents if you got one every time someone you knew celebrated theirs? There is nothing to look forward to if you get gifts on a regular basis.

Secondly, it stunts the child's ability to be joyful for someone else. I don't know about you, but my natural reaction as a child to someone else receiving a gift was jealousy. We need to allow our children to feel these emotions so we can use the opportunity to teach them the appropriate way to respond. We are by nature self-centered, and joyful giving and rejoicing in other's good fortune has to be taught. How do we teach that lesson if the opportunity is never presented to our children?

Finally, our children need to learn that life is not fair. Sometimes we get the gift, sometimes we don't. The important thing is to teach them to respond gracefully when life throws them a curve ball. I realize that I am talking about material gifts here, but children learn best with concrete ideas and concepts at the beginning. This lesson can be expanded as the years pass to include so many other things that will shape our kids into empathetic, responsible adults.

I know that giving a small child a gift to avoid hurt feelings on a sibling's birthday may seem kind and considerate, but I have to disagree. It is simply delaying the inevitable day when they are excluded at a friend's birthday party and and that self-centered part rears its ugly head. You know what I'm talking about....the screaming child who won't let go of a brightly wrapped present that was never intended for them. The embarrassed look of the parent trying to pry it out of the child's hand without damaging the gift, and trying to gauge how hard they can swat said child without garnering disapproving looks from the other adults.

So, to all the parents out there who think it is harmless to play this game with their children, maybe you should think again. Use the opportunity to teach and nurture rather than ply them with more useless junk that will just accumulate in their bedroom. Wouldn't you rather see an accumulation of social graces that will never fade away and will serve to smooth the way for them in untold situations as they grow?

Respect

Since this is my own personal corner of cyberspace, I can rant and rave about any topic of my choosing. I have dedicated entire blogs to the personal driving skills (or lack thereof) of my fellow commuters and to the concept of choosing the number of children you want instead of trying indefinitely for a particular gender. I have made my opinions known in subtle and "in your face" ways alike. Today I am choosing to complain and rant about the way people dress for church.....specifically Easter Sunday.

For as long as I can remember, I have dressed up for church. As a child, that meant a slip, ruffly panties, starched dress, frilly lace socks and seasonally appropriate shoes. Let's all say it together for any Yankees out there (or Southerners who ought to know better but don't)....no white shoes after Labor Day or before Easter. As a teenager and adult, it meant panty hose, heels or dressy flats, a slip and a nice dress.

Now I realize that times have changed. Panty hose are not particularly popular and I have actually embraced that particular fashion change rather readily, unless I am wearing close-toed shoes. Women do not feel compelled to wear dresses but wear pants and men (and some women) wear jeans and tennis shoes to Sunday morning worship. I have become accustomed to this type of dress when I attend church.

Having said that, I draw the line when I see teenagers in tight pants, halter tops, t-shirts with holes and short shorts. I cringe when I see adults in in shorts and flip-flops. Is this really what the modern day Christian finds appropriate for worship these days? I know that many would argue that it doesn't matter what you wear as long as you show up, and I can understand that to a certain degree. Not having the means for dressy clothing or for any clothing beyond work clothes should not be a deterrent for attending church. I am not suggesting that we should all go into debt to be able to purchase expensive, showy clothes for church. All should feel welcome in the house of God no matter how they are dressed, but there is a difference between not being able to dress up and choosing not to because you are too lazy to put a little effort into your appearance on Sunday morning. How many people out there would go to a job interview in shorts and flip-flops or hot pants unless you were applying for a life guard position or cocktail waitress? Not many, because you want to make a good impression...put your best foot forward. You are showing respect for the people that you are going to see.

Why do we treat the weekly opportunity to come together as a body of believers with less respect than we would a job interview? It's not that God expects us to dress a certain way, but I do believe that outward appearance should be a reflection of your inner heart. My inner heart wants to stand before God the Father in a respectful, modest way. He's the "person" I'm going to church to see. Tight pants that say "Bootylicious" across the bottom are not respectful or modest. Shorts and flip-flops scream, "I was too lazy to iron my pants and shirt this morning. I had other things on my mind". I think that it is a sign of respect, not vanity, to wear your best when you are coming to church to worship the Maker of the universe.

Now I realize that I am stomping all over the feet of many of my friends and fellow believers, but I am entitled to my opinion. If you are entitled to come to church like you are ready to go to the beach, I am allowed to vent about it on my blog. And please don't post and quote James 2:1-4 to me. I'm not suggesting that people who wear expensive clothing should be venerated and people who can't should be outcast and made to feel inadequate.

So, now we come to Easter Sunday morning. The Queen Mother of all worship services. The one day out of the entire year that you expect to see most people in new dresses or coats and ties. The day when we can pull out those white shoes and wear them proudly with no fear of being talked about over dinner. When I arrived at church yesterday morning in my new dress with children in tow wearing freshly ironed and starched dresses and sports coats, I was feeling all Eastery. I was struck (for the millionth time) how handsome my husband looks in a suit. Then I went inside. I saw only a handful of people that looked like they had even taken a second look in the mirror before they left the house. No sea of pretty spring dresses; no starched white shirts with ties and jackets. I saw a female member of the choir in an old button down shirt and jeans, the music minister was in a wrinkled button down shirt, and even the pastor didn't bother to wear a tie. IT'S EASTER SUNDAY!!!!!!!!! What are you people thinking????????? Are you from an alternate universe? Is the celebration of the resurrection of our Lord so unimportant that you would take no care with your appearance?

I love this quote by Phil Johnson: "To a certain extent, our attire in church reflects our attitude toward the significance of corporate worship and the holiness of the One whom we worship, and we ought to give some thought to that fact when we decide what to wear. The tendency toward making Hawaiian shirts, Bermuda shorts, sandals, bare midriffs, and gold chains the standard attire for corporate worship is related to the very same mentality that is cheapening and trivializing every other aspect of our worship."

I know that sounds like I'm being shallow and that I should be more focused on the reason we come to church and less on what everyone around me is wearing. Like I said before...it's my blog and I can say whatever I want. I think that the way we are progressively dressing further and further down for worship is an indicator of our respect for God. We are commanded to keep the Sabbath holy....why doesn't that extend to our dress? If you truly believe that it doesn't matter what you wear as long as you show up, then why doesn't that extend to other areas of our lives? Would you attend a wedding in shorts and flip-flops? Would you attend a funeral dressed that way? Why not? Because you have respect for the bride and groom and you have respect for the dead. Do you not have respect for God? Do you really think it doesn't matter how we present ourselves to Him?

I think it matters a great deal (if you're still reading along, this should be clear by now). I think that it would do a lot of people good to start dressing like they care on Sunday morning. Dress like you are going somewhere special, because going to a place of worship is special. It's not to impress the people sitting in the pew next to you or to impress God. It's to show respect for the awesome God that we serve.

Bluebonnets

One of the best things about living in Texas is bluebonnets in the spring. The northeast might have brilliant displays of fall foliage, but Texas has wildflowers. They are all along the interstates, highways and rural country roads. They cover the hills of East Texas like a carpet of blue and red. There are certain areas that have higher concentrations of these flowers and there is even a Bluebonnet Trail that you can drive to get a glimpse of the beautiful blue state flower with red-orange Indian paintbrush mixed in. We are fortunate enough to have a few spots close to where we live that are dense enough for picture taking.

If you live in Texas, you know the etiquette for picture taking in the bluebonnets. First and foremost, look for the large, reddish mounds that indicate fire ants. Nothing ruins a great photo-op like fire ants crawling all over your feet, and for some reason they love to nest in the bluebonnets. Secondly, great care should be taken so that the flowers do not get crushed. (It is our state flower after all!) There will usually be small hollows where other people have posed for pictures, and whenever possible those areas should be used for subsequent picture taking. Last but not least, you must crouch or carefully sit (being mindful of etiquette tip #1) in the bluebonnets. They only grow about a foot off the ground and to get a good shot of the subject and the flowers, your face must be somewhere near the bluebonnets. This can require a good bit of balance and dexterity since most large clusters of bluebonnets tend to be on the slopes of hills, but it is worth the effort.

I went with Trevor and the kids yesterday to take our annual bluebonnet pictures. I have tried to get shots of the kids every year since Nathan was born. I wish I could say that I have been faithful every year, but I have missed one or two. We went to the hill we always go to and successfully avoided the fire ants (and they definitely staked out their territory!), trampling the bluebonnets and falling down the hill as we balanced precariously for the perfect shot.

When I got home to take a look at all of the shots, I was pleased to see that we had indeed gotten a few good pictures out of the 60 or so that we took. Sometimes it's hard to get a 6 year old and a 2 year old to cooperate at the same time! So, now I have another year of bluebonnet pictures to send out to the people who expect them (yes...I'm talking to you, Chuck!) and to scrapbook.

There are very few things that I love as much as a beautiful, clear day in April enjoying the bluebonnets. Thank you Lord. Thank you for one more example of the beauty of your creation and for giving us those wildflowers that come back year after year.

“Earth laughs in flowers to see her boastful boys earth-proud, proud of the earth which is not theirs; who steer the plough, but cannot steer their feet clear of the grave.” —Ralph Waldo Emerson (Hamatreya)

Please Learn to Drive

Do you ever feel like you are the only person on the road who remembers anything from driver's ed? I realize that my commute is not as long as many other people, including my husband, but the 40 minutes I spend on the road every morning and afternoon make me realize how many incompetent drivers there are out there.

There are several different classifications of drivers in my mind.

1. The Older Driver. Let's be honest. The older we get the slower our reflexes are and the worse our vision becomes. I can live with that and I am actually quite accommodating when I see older drivers because I know that it will happen to me one day. I will pull out into traffic where the mean velocity is 60 and I am only going 10 MPH. I will be honked at and swerved around and possibly even hit. So I try to be a little more patient than usual when I see the elderly behind the wheel. Having said that, I also hope that when the day comes that I'm dangerous because of my age that someone will gently but firmly take the keys away and offer me alternate transportation.
2. The Hot Rodders. Yes, you know of whom I speak. These are typically teenagers who feel that the faster they go, the cooler they are. There are some people in this category who are well past their teen years, but still feel the need to act like they are 17 and bulletproof. They whip in and out of traffic with the windows or top down, laughing with their car full of friends and completely ignoring all traffic signs and other drivers. These drivers are often accompanied by loud, obnoxious music and lots of yelling and/or cursing.
3. The Careful Drivers. As in, "I'm going to be so careful that I'm going to cause a wreck" drivers. You know the type. They get almost under a traffic light and if it turns yellow, they slam on the brakes. Can't be running those yellow lights like the Hot Rodders. They never look away from the road directly in front of them (which means they ignore 90% of what is happening around them), and they never, ever go over the speed limit. As a matter of fact, going 5 miles UNDER the speed limit is probably a better rule. They put their blinker on to make a lane change well before they need to move over, but are then so focused on the road IN FRONT of them, that they are oblivious to car after car slowing down to let them over and then giving up and zooming by them in a fit of irritation. The Careful Driver then has the thought that "those cars need to just slow down for goodness sake. They are going to get someone killed" not realizing that their pathological indecision is more likely to cause a wreck.
4. The Competent Driver. This would of course, be me. And you would probably put yourself in this category as well. We all like to think that we are the best driver out there. We are aware of our surroundings, make lane change decisions 3 steps ahead of the traffic, we adjust our speed according to the flow of traffic, and would never, ever pull out on a busy highway without punching the gas to make sure we don't make anyone behind us have to slow down.

So, having laid down 4 of the basic driving styles I would like to publish a few suggestions that would make everyone have a better driving experience.

• If you are going to put your blinker on to change lanes, it would be nice if you actually intend to change lanes sometime that day. Don't leave the people who are trying to let you move over hanging.
• Conversely, if you need to change lanes please disconnect your blinker from your steering wheel. Turning the blinker on as you are moving over doesn't really work for the rest of us.
• It's perfectly alright to PICK A LANE to drive in. Please don't ride the line when you drive because you can't seem to decide where you want to go.
• If you are not going the speed limit, feel free to pull over on the shoulder to let the 28 cars behind you get by. We understand that it is your right to mosey along if you want to, but we would like to get to our destination on time.
• If you are turning right off of a road that has an improved shoulder, please use the shoulder as a turning lane. All the traffic going 65 mph behind you should not have to come to a screeching halt because you need to turn off the highway.
• If there is even a hint of fog or rain, turn on your stinking headlights!

OK...that's all the time I have for today. I may have to make an addendum to this list at some point in the near future. Feel free to post your own rules of etiquette for the open road!