The Briar Patch

The first week that Trevor and I were here without the kids, I stumbled across a Christmas tree farm that also had 5 acres of blackberries in the summer. Blackberries are actually not one of my favorite berries, but there is a completely nostalgic value to them that I can't quite escape.


When I was a girl, Gramps had a long row of blackberries that he grew. They climbed the rudimentary trellis as they matured, and in the summer we would all pick berries until our hands and arms were scratched and bleeding from the briars. They were huge berries, not like the ones we would find wild in the woods around their house. They were good right off the vine, and they stained our fingers purple as we picked and devoured them, enjoying the juicy sweet but tart flavor until we were full.



When our buckets were full, we would bring them in to Granny and she would work her special magic in the kitchen, making blackberry dumplings, cobblers and jelly. The dumplings were my favorite, and the very thought of them takes me back to 1982 when I was 10 and the summer stretched endlessly in front of me.


All of this flashed through my mind when I saw that farm, and I decided that I would take the kids blackberry picking when they got here. Today was the first day that we've been able to get out there, so Gracie and I got up at seven and drove over. Nathan wasn't interested in going, so the girls had some special time together.


As we walked up and down the rows picking berries and chatting with other pickers, I felt like a child again. Gracie caught on quickly, and was proud of her progress as she made her way down the row, occasionally calling out and letting me know when she found a particularly big one. It's only rained once for about 5 minutes the entire 3 weeks that we've been here, but this morning the clouds were looming on the horizon. We finished up and went to the shed to have the berries packaged and weighed. All in all we picked about 3 quarts, which was more than enough for our little family.

Not long after we got home, the sky opened up and the rain came down in heavy sheets. We had timed our trip just perfectly, and set to work washing and picking over the berries.


Gracie ate one after they were washed, and announced that she didn't really like blackberries. That's okay...she'll always have the memory of picking blackberries in the summer with me and she'll eat them for that reason alone.

She Will....She Still

I was cutting the grass yesterday evening as twilight was descending and the air was beginning to cool (I use this term loosely) without the direct heat from the sunlight. As I plodded along, I looked up and saw Trevor walking through the yard with a pair of long-handled pruning shears on his shoulder. What made this image stick was not my husband striding across the yard (although it was enough to make me a little weak in the knees!) It was the sight of Gracie trailing along behind him taking 3 steps for every one of his, her small form struggling to keep up. When they made it to the tree Trevor was intending to prune, I saw their heads bent down together as Trevor pointed and explained what he was doing.

It was one of those moments that is permanently etched in my memory. As I watched her traipse along, following her daddy, I was reminded once again of how quickly time flies. It won't be too long before she is embarrassed to even be seen with him, much less follow him around. She will prefer the company of her friends, and then her boyfriend in years to come. She will throw off the remnants of childhood and grow lean and tall; she will break our hearts a thousand times over with things that she says and does, but we will love her more each day.

She will leave us for the adventures awaiting her at college and then later return home with the man that we will embrace and call our son. She will marry him and make a home of her own, and one day we will get the news that she is having babies of her own. They will be sturdy and strong and they will follow their daddy around the backyard, struggling to keep up.

But for now, she is three and she is ours to hold close. She still wraps her arms and legs around me when she hugs. She still wants to say her prayers and sing "Bluebonnets" every night with me before she falls asleep. She still thinks that Trevor and I are the sun and the moon and her little life revolves around us. She still climbs into my lap and speaks to me in that little, whispery Grace voice "I love you, Mommy".

She still needs me and I need her too. She reminds me that time is precious and fleeting and that I need to live each moment as though it were my last. I thank God for my babies and for all the lessons that they teach me every day.

A Life of Generosity

It's been a little over 7 months since my Gramps died. Thomas Battice Effler. Mr. B. Daddy. Tom. Honey. Uncle B. He had many names, but he was Gramps to me. I still miss him terribly and I suppose that's never going to go away. I dream of him now and then....dreams where I can talk to him again and ask him about where I should plant a particular tree or shrub. Sometimes he's the young and vibrant man I remember from my childhood. Forearms like Popeye from years of hanging sheet rock and painting houses. Strong arms for hugging and picking me up. Making a "prison" by crossing his legs while sitting in his recliner and keeping me in it as I squealed to be let out, but not really meaning it. Sometimes he is the older man of more recent years....sick more than he was well. In those dreams he wants me to lay next to him and just be. In those dreams I know that he is dying, but I have time to say goodbye.

No matter what dreams I have about Gramps, one thing doesn't change. That unchangeable thing is my memory. I have a lifetime of memories that involve him. As was evident as I heard his eulogy at the funeral, the defining characteristic of his life was his unfailing faith in Jesus Christ and because of that faith a generosity of spirit that was unmatched. I could write a thousand stories that reveal the depths of his giving heart, but I'll stick with just a few that have special meaning to me.

I recently bought gerbils for my children. As I was standing in the pet store debating what kind of shavings to put in the bottom of the cage, I suddenly teared up. I hadn't thought of this in almost 20 years, but when I was in high school I had two white mice. I had gone home to Louisiana for a visit and when I told Gramps that I had mice, he didn't have too much to say. But later that day, he said, "Youngin', get into the truck. We're going to Teddy's" When Gramps said to get going, you got going or got left behind, so I hopped in the truck and went along with him. When we got there, he pulled out a long piece of cedar that he had gotten out of his woodworking shop. Uncle Teddy had a planer, and Gramps planed that piece of wood down to a pile of cedar shavings fit for a mouse cage. It filled a huge bag and lasted me for months. It was such a small thing, but it meant enough that I remember it still.

He and Granny never missed any big event in my life. I come from a Masonic family, and I was very active in Rainbow Girls. I was a Grand Officer (state officer) and held a position of leadership in the local assembly. They were there for all of my important ceremonies. Granny made all of the food for the reception that followed and Gramps made my wooden gavel out of black walnut wood. It sits on my shelf and I think of him every time I pick it up.

When I was 19, I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease. I underwent a exploratory laparotomy and splenectomy 4 days after my 20th birthday. The surgery was at a ridiculously early hour of the morning and it was still dark outside when they came to get me. As I looked beyond my parents and the nurses, I saw my Granny and Gramps walk through my hospital room door. They had driven in the night before and made it to the hospital in time to see me and pray with me before I went in. You just cannot know how that made me feel. Knowing that Granny and Gramps were there somehow made it better.

A few weeks before Gramps died, Mama had called me on a Friday night to tell me that he was in the hospital again. It wasn't really any different than all the other times that he had been admitted in recent months, but it was the first time that I had a vision of him in a nursing home. I saw him as old and frail, and it shocked me. You would think that it wouldn't considering the fact that he had been old and frail for some time, but I guess some part of my brain still saw him as that young, vibrant man of my childhood. I had a sudden feeling that I needed to see him. I felt like I was being pulled home and I had to go. I talked to Trevor about it, and made arrangements to leave the next morning.

When I arrived in Hammond, I went straight to the hospital but was told that he had been discharged so I went to Granny and Gramps' house. Maybe he wasn't so sick after all....maybe my gut feeling was nothing. I surprised Granny (I hadn't told anyone that I was coming) and after discovering that he was in fact still in the hospital, I went back over there. I finally found his room, and as I entered, I greeted him with, "Hey faker!" The smile that he gave me was enough to just melt my heart. "Youngin'!" he said in disbelief, "what are you doing here?" We sat and visited for several hours. Just everyday stuff. Sick or not, Gramps was still sharp as a tack. He was never afraid of expressing his opinion and he didn't start that Saturday as we spoke. We reminisced about memories of each other and he told me stories of boot camp and World War II in Germany. He told me about how he met Granny and how much he loved her then and loved her still after 59 years of marriage.

I left him later that day fully intending to spend most of the next morning with him before I had to head back home, but a call early Sunday morning from Trevor sent me flying home to him. We didn't know it at the time, but he had a kidney stone and didn't know the cause of his pain. There was no way for me to know when I leaned down and kissed Gramps goodbye that it would be the last time I would see him alive. I told him that I loved him and he said the same and then I was gone.

The call came in the middle of the night just a week or so later. Gramps went quickly due to a pulmonary embolism....we could not have asked for a better way for him to go. No pain, and he was lucid right up to the end. His was a life well lived for the glory of God and he left behind a legacy of love and generosity that knows no equal. I like to think when I perform a random act of kindness that I am somehow channeling Gramps a little bit. He would be horrified if he heard me say that, but I don't care.

So, I'll keep dreaming of him and telling my children stories of his exceptional love and generosity. We will tell and retell the stories of how Gramps threw us in the swimming pool to teach us how to swim, when we get together at Christmas, along with all the other familiar stories that we know by heart. I will keep seeing him in unexpected places and in my dreams, and I thank God for letting me be fortunate enough to be his granddaughter.

Things I Love

In no particular order:

1. Swinging in a hammock on a perfect spring day enjoying a cool breeze carrying the smell of BBQ.


2. The smell of my daughter's clean hair and skin right before bed.


3. The sound of my son's laughter when he gets really tickled about something.


4. The sparkly clean feeling I get after going to the Lord in prayer for forgiveness and worship.


5. The thrill I get when I know that I am about to see my husband in the evening.


6. Friday nights with the anticipation of the whole weekend ahead of me.


7. Watching Survivor on Thursday nights.


8. Pad Thai from Pei Wei.


9. The sweet breath of newborn babies.


10. The satisfaction of cooking a really good meal that everyone enjoys.


11. Completing a scrapbook page.


12. Clean sheets.


13. Staying in nice hotels and ordering frivolous room service.


14. Getting away for the weekend with Trevor.


15. The sound of my children saying "I love you, Mommy".


16. Dove truffle eggs.


17. Getting home after work and finding dinner on the table.


18. Singing hymns around the piano with my family.


19. Hearing my children spontaneously sing hymns and praise songs.


20. Having theological discussions with my brother.


21. My morning phone chats with Ronna.


22. Getting random pictures of baby Jack on my cell phone.


23. Checking my email inbox and seeing that I have messages from actual contacts and not just spam.


24. Sitting on the porch at Granny and Gramps' with a big mug of coffee full of cream and sugar on a cool morning.


25. A roaring fire in the fireplace on cold nights.


26. Having a houseful of friends over to play games and hang out.


27. Going to a friend's house to play games and hang out.


28. A cold Shiner Bock with a big bowl of chicken and sausage gumbo.


29. My father-in-law's smoked ribs.


30. Granny Traylor's banana pudding.


31. Having my mom take care of me when I don't feel well.


32. Spending time with my sister when I go home to Louisiana.


33. Chocolate. Chocolate. Chocolate.


34. Curling up in bed at the end of the day with a really good book and reading myself to sleep.


35. The look on the face of the person I gave the perfect gift to, after the opening frenzy is over.


36. The sight of my children sleeping in strange, contorted positions.


37. The smell of a new car.


38. Spending unlimited amounts of time in a bookstore just browsing without interruption.


39. Roller coasters.


40. The sharp smell of burning leaves on a crisp fall day with a clear blue sky.


41. The fact that my husband thinks I'm the most beautiful, wonderful woman in the world.


42. My new covered deck.


43. Telling people that both my parents have their doctorate degrees.


44. A clean house that smells fresh.


45. Watching Gone With the Wind when I am home sick.


46. The path of sweet smelling grass that trails behind me when I am mowing the lawn.


47. The feeling I get as I am treating the last patient of the day knowing that I will be heading home in just a few minutes.


48. Recalling years and years of memories with my siblings and cousins when we all get together.


49. The clearance aisle at Michael's and Hobby Lobby.


50. Rolling over in the middle of the night and feeling Trevor next to me.

The Possibilities are Endless

Trevor put the posts in the newly dug holes today and set the cement to hold them. I am so excited about this new area of our house. I loved it when we moved in and really made use of our outdoor space by building a spacious deck. We had a beautiful, full ash tree that shaded almost all of the deck and it was a great place to lounge year round with the exception of high summer.....we do live in Texas, after all. Between 4th of July and mid-September you might as well spend your extra money on the cost of cooling your house instead pursuing ANY type of outdoor activity. Even swimming is hot work...but I digress.

When Rita came through last year, the ash suffered heavy damage and we lost a good bit of our shade, but at least it wasn't completely destroyed. We cleaned up what was left of the tree and waited for the spring. Well, once the leaves fell off during the winter we could see the skeleton of the tree and realized that it would have to come down. Not only was the remaining shape of the tree really ugly, but it was dangerous. All of the weight from the branches was on one side of the ash and there was a real danger of the tree splitting at some point in the future. According to my dad, this is a characteristic of ash trees, even when they are healthy. We didn't want to chance the tree falling during the next big storm, so we decided to cut it down.

So now the tree is down and although it is only March, it is BLAZING HOT on the deck. So the posts are up that will hold the new covering for the deck. Trevor will erect the structure next weekend and we will be on our way to cool, waterproof living during the summertime months. Now we will have a completely covered area complete with outdoor ceiling fans and new plants. I actually have a small budget to finish out the area and make it look nice.

I envision parties in the early evening with Chinese lanterns bobbing overhead and tiki torches lit to keep the bird sized mosquitoes at bay while our guests enjoy the cool breeze generated by the fans overhead. More importantly, I envision myself kicking the kids outside on rainy days when every one's nerves are so frayed that it would only take one more episode of Dora the Explorer or Curious George to send any rational person over the edge.

So, as I sit here and imagine how we are going to use our new living space the possibilities are endless. I love it that my husband is able to build things and fix practically anything. He keeps us comfortable and happy with all of the improvements that he makes on the house. If he can envision it, he can build it! So, the next time you are in the mood for a beverage (adult or otherwise!) and some good conversation, come on over!