Change. That little word can strike such fear in my heart. From the small things to the life altering, I resist change. I worry over it, spend sleepless nights thinking about it and generally work myself into a frenzy of stress holding on to it. So when Trevor came home 4 months ago with the news that we might be moving to Tulsa, my response was not what you would call open minded. As a matter of fact, I had a good sized boulder in the pit of my stomach when I allowed myself to think about it too much.
But over time I came to accept the idea, even embrace it. We began looking at real estate and discussing our finances. We were still waiting for official word from his company before we made any real decisions, but we felt fairly confident that we would be leaving Texas. Then he was told that the move was off due to the economy, and I breathed a little sigh of relief. I had gotten used to the idea, but I was glad that I didn't have to think about the actual move anymore. Finding a new job, childcare, a church...things that seemed so scary when I thought about them too long and too hard. The boulder dissolved and life went on.
I told my boss that I was staying, and informed the Sunday school class that I teach that they would have to put up with me for a least a little bit longer. I started thinking ahead to summertime childcare for Nathan and making plans for having family here in July. I felt a little bit wistful that we would not be moving, but on the whole glad we were staying with what was known and comfortable.
Then two weeks ago Trevor came home with the news that his company wanted him in Tulsa no later than August. We could pretty much move any time between now and then, but it was really happening. The boulder reappeared and suddenly I was back to contemplating when we would make the move, how we would sell the house in the current market and a myriad of other issues. I began to feel overwhelmed with the enormity of moving our family to another state and establishing new roots there.
Then I stopped in my tracks and said a quick prayer. My prayer was simple: "Lord, take this anxiety from my heart and remind me that you are in control and totally sovereign over all things. You are in both the details and the big picture and I can trust that all things will work for our good. It may not seem like it at the time, but I know that the end game has already been predetermined by You in Your wisdom and love. Please make the path broad and easy to see as we make plans for this move and give us wisdom and discernment to make choices that are pleasing to You. Amen."
This is the prayer that say every time I feel that boulder starting to weigh me down, and it's the one I pray every morning and night. There are so many plans to make and dreams to build, but the change seems less menacing when filtered though the knowledge that God is on our side and He will see us through to the end of this season in our lives. This time next year we will be wondering what all the fuss was about.