Called According to His Purpose

Stolen Idea

2012-01-28T21:53:00.000-06:00

The creativity of other people never ceases to amaze me, especially when their ideas make my life easier. Pinterest is one of those sites that has me constantly saying (sometimes out loud), "Why didn't I think of that??!!" So many awesome ideas for crafts, decorating, cooking and every other genre under the sun.

I wish that I could take credit for the following pictures. Sure, I took them, edited them, ordered the prints, bought the suckers and assembled them, but (sadly) the idea was not mine. I will however take credit for the beautiful children, or at least half credit. Here are the Valentine's Day cards they will be slipping into their classmate's boxes this year:

Christmas Tree 2011

2011-12-05T19:52:00.000-06:00

This year I have a good camera, and have started to experiment with some of the settings. I also discovered that I have Photoshop Elements 8 on my Mac, so I've been figuring out some really cool editing tools as well. This photograph of our tree is unedited, but I thought it turned out well.

I'm Giving Thanks for Pinterest

2011-11-07T19:19:00.000-06:00

Oh y'all. I am so addicted to Pinterest. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then go check it out. This is not a "only for the crafty people" website. This is a place where the greatest ideas on earth live, and they are there for the ~~taking~~ pinning. There are so many great ideas, hilarious sayings, delicious recipes, decorating tips, photography tutorials and book recommendations that it can be a little overwhelming at times, and that's just barely scratching the surface. I can literally spend hours scanning boards and re-pinning things so that they will be at my fingertips when I need them.

The great thing about Pinterest is that you can collect ideas from all over the internet in one place, and share them with friends. I have boards for things like Christmas, For the Kids, Books Worth Reading and Hilarity. I have the Pinterest app on my iPhone and iPad so I can access all those recipes and ideas no matter where I am. As you can see, I seem to have a bit of a problem here: so many ideas, so little time.

So today I am thankful for Pinterest, a much more effective and productive way to waste time than Facebook.

I'm Giving Thanks for My Kitchen

2011-11-06T10:08:00.000-06:00

Yes, I know. I missed a few days of the challenge. My OCD, people-pleasing instinct was screaming for me to go back and write posts for the last two days because my numbers on my side bar would not match the actual date for the love of all that it good!! (Deep breath) Not only write the posts, but then go back and change the post date for each one so that my blog would look perfectly neat as though I had really written the posts on time.

But you know what? As I sat here in my chair getting stressed about what I did and did not write, my mind wandered to what I was doing the past few days that caused such a lapse in blogging continuity. What came to the forefront of my thoughts was all the cooking I did yesterday. I made three complete meals: chicken and sausage gumbo, chicken spaghetti and a pan of lasagna, and as I thought about that craziness I realized how thankful I am for my kitchen. This is the first kitchen I've ever had that was big enough to cook fairly large quantities of food without covering every single spot on the counter with utensils, bowls and pots. I have enough counter space and plenty of room to move around comfortably, even if several people are in there at once.

It's awesome.

For those of you out there who think cooking is a dirty word, then this makes no sense to you at all, but those of you who love to cook are nodding your heads in agreement. Our old kitchen in Texas had plenty of counter space, but it was galley style, and only one person could be in there at a time. The refrigerator door would almost hit the front of the stove when opened, and effectively trapped anyone standing at the sink from leaving the room. Not so bad for making dinner, but a real pain when I was trying to prepare a holiday dinner with my mom and sister.

Our last house had more room to move around, but severely limited counter space. I could only do one thing at a time, and cooking often requires so much more than that!

But this kitchen has both counter space and floor space, and I revel in it every time I cook. Is it the professional kitchen of my dreams, with a hot water spout over the stove and wood burning oven? Nope. But it is roomy, with beautiful granite counter tops and lots of cabinets in which to store all my cooking/baking paraphernalia. There's a place at the counter for people to sit and visit while I'm working, and a pass through to the living room so I don't miss out on conversations when we have guests. It has big windows that offer lots of light as well as ventilation when it starts to get hot.

So today I'm thankful for my big kitchen. I'm thankful that I have a great place to prepare all the foods I love to cook, and to have a place to entertain.

I'm Giving Thanks for Knitting

2011-11-03T21:20:00.000-05:00

Last October, a friend of mine at work taught me how to crochet and knit. I crocheted afghans for Nathan, Grace and both of my grandmothers for Christmas, and really enjoyed creating something practical with my own hands. At the same time, I was beginning to knit and made lots and lots of scarves, and then I made more.

Over the last six months I've been expanding my knitting repertoire to include knitting in the round on circular needles and double pointed needles, as well as learning how to follow patterns and make up my own. It's been so much fun trying out new things and improving on my skills. I knit all the time: while watching television, during my lunch hour, spare moments at work and while riding in the car. If there is an opportunity to sit down, I usually have my knitting in hand. It feels good to be productive even while I'm doing something as mindless as watching tv.

So today I am thankful for knitting and for the person who opened up a whole new world for me. Thank you Mary Ann!

I'm Giving Thanks for Cooler Weather

2011-11-02T21:02:00.000-05:00

I love cold weather. I love the feel of a fire in the fireplace, a mug of hot chocolate warming my hands and cozy sweaters with sleeves that go down to my fingertips. I love the snow, and the crisp feel of the air when it's cold outside. I enjoy shoveling snow in the same way that I enjoy mowing the grass...there's an element of instant gratification that I love. I love wet cold days and the dry ones. I love wearing scarves and gloves, and sleeping with the windows open when it's freezing.

Cool weather seems to finally be making it's way to us in Oklahoma, and I think it's here to stay. This evening has been cold and drizzly, which is perfect weather for snuggling up with a good book and a hot beverage. You'll very seldom hear me complaining about cold temperatures, even when it feels like spring will never come. Summer is just a season that I have to get through so I can have cooler weather again.

So today I am thankful that summer is over and the cooler weather is here to stay.

I'm Giving Thanks for Elijah Thomas

2011-11-01T18:47:00.000-05:00

The call came this morning at 6:37am. "She started having contractions at 1:00am, and they are at the hospital now," my mother said. My sister Amber was in labor, despite not being due to give birth until November 14th. I was so excited as I dressed for work, and couldn't help checking my phone every few minutes to make sure I had not missed any important calls or texts. I was also unduly excited by the fact that he would be born on 11-1-11!

My entire morning was spent running upstairs out of the basement so that I could get cell phone service and check for messages, anxiously awaiting word of my nephew's birth. I called my mom at 1:30, and when she answered I heard the sweet sound of newborn cries from her arms. She was holding Elijah Thomas, and as I heard him for the first time I cried tears of joy. I would have given almost anything to be there in that moment with them, holding him in my arms and cuddling him close but those things will have to wait until Thanksgiving when I finally get home to see them.

I spoke briefly with Amber, and she sounded amazing. Her voice was strong and if I didn't know better, I would never have guessed that she just went through hours of labor! I was so proud of her and so thankful for my brother-in-law David for being the kind of husband and father that he is.

So today I am thankful for new life, but especially for my new nephew, Eli. He bears the names of two men that I loved dearly (my grandfather and great-grandfather), and I'm thankful that he was delivered safely and that Amber is doing well. I am thankful that God has seen fit to bless our family with another baby to raise and nurture in the admonition of the Lord. I am thankful.

(I can't post pictures or stats yet, because Amber ~~will~~ might kill me if I steal her thunder!)

The Creator of Darkness and Light

2011-09-11T13:49:00.000-05:00

Like everyone else in America, it was a day like any other for me. I was working at MD Anderson and still making the hour and a half commute from my home in Dayton. I got to work just before 8:00am CST, and went directly to the break room to fill my water cup and to put my lunch the refrigerator. I glanced up at the television in the corner, and saw a smoking building but had no idea where it was or the implications as of yet. Another employee told me that a plane had hit the World Trade Center, and to be perfectly honest I wasn't too concerned. I assumed it was a fluke and that someone flying a small plane had lost control in a terrible accident.

It became clear in the following hours that it was no mistake, no fluke. It was a deliberate, planned attack on America. It was intended to strike fear in our hearts and to create panic. When I heard that the Pentagon had been hit, it suddenly became very personal to me. My brother Patrick works at a law firm in Washington, DC that is very close to the Capitol, and my anxiety ratcheted up when I couldn't reach him by phone. It seems a little silly now, but at the time we had no idea how many attacks had been planned. I had family in Denver, DC, Louisiana and Texas, and in my panic I was able to rationalize why these places might be targeted next. The mint in Denver. DC was an obvious target and the Pentagon had already been hit. The Gulf Coast was full of refineries and ports. In the pandemonium that followed, speculation abounded and all I could think of was getting to my family. My relief was palpable when we finally heard from Patrick and that he was safe, as was the rest of my family.

But safe became a relative term after 9/11.

I called my mom and she left work to go get Nathan who was six months old, and at the home of our babysitter Jo. I wanted desperately to hold him and feel his comforting weight in my arms, but knew that I could not leave work and that he would be safe with Mama.

Safe. We thought we were safe from all threats, foreign and domestic. We were complacent and self-satisfied with our own strength and reputation. We were wrong.

It seemed to me that our life as a nation began anew after 9/11. So many sentences began with "After 9/11" or "In the post 9/11 world", and we all felt it. People lined up to give blood, cars were adorned with American flags and patriotic bumper stickers, and we all rose up in righteous indignation at the atrocity perpetrated on our native soil. Airports now had a military presence and a whole new set of rules emerged for how we would travel. Many stashed bags full of necessities like batteries, water, tennis shoes and a gas mask in their offices, backseats and underneath the stairs in case it was needed on short notice. The ranks of our military swelled with new recruits and our churches filled to overflowing with people looking for answers and comfort. This was our new reality. This was our life.

It's still hard for me to believe that it has been ten years since that beautiful, clear September morning when four airplanes hijacked by misguided zealots changed our lives forever. But the one thing that still brings me comfort, just as it did all those years ago is that God is sovereign. Our ways are not His ways, and He creates calamity and makes peace. Every single thing that happens to every soul on this planet is orchestrated by the One who created us all. Do we understand why? Not always. Sometimes it's not until years later that we can look back and see the why, and other times we are never permitted to understand. But whether or not we understand is not as important as our faith in the One who does. We take comfort in that and are able to move forward and continue to live our lives in the knowledge that He is not just watching, but actively involved in our lives.

I form the light and create darkness, I make peace and create calamity; I, the LORD, do all these things. Isaiah 45:7

Ten years later I still mourn the lives and innocence lost. I grieve for the families that lost loved ones in those towers, in the Pentagon and in that field in Pennsylvania. But I have hope for the future, and a faith that can never be shaken by the poisonous darts thrown by Satan because every dart has been allowed by the One who holds me in His hand.

Steak and Gravy

2011-08-20T17:05:00.001-05:00

When I want something delicious and comforting, steak and gravy is one of my go to recipes. I've been eating this dish since I was a child, prepared by both my grandmother and mother. It's simple food at it's best. It doesn't pretend to be something it's not and the result is a savory, unpretentious plate of pure heaven served over rice.

First, you trim several pounds of round steak to your taste. I prefer very little fat on my meat, so I trim heavily, but my mother would gasp and point out that cutting off the fat takes away some of the flavor. I'm no health nut, but I don't mind sacrificing slimy fat even if it does add flavor!

Once the meat has been trimmed to your satisfaction, sprinkle with salt and pepper.

In a heavy pot or large cast iron skillet, heat a few tablespoons of oil and add meat to brown.

While the meat is browning, chop a yellow onion and set aside.

Continue to brown the meat until it's really brown. This is what gives the gravy a nice, dark color and flavor. When the meat is good and brown, and there are lots of little bits on the bottom of the pot, remove the meat.

Now add the chopped onion to the pot and stir until they are almost clear. Add a few cloves of minced garlic about halfway through sauteing the onions.

Once the onions and garlic are cooked, add the round steak back the pot and stir for a few minutes.

Add enough water to just cover the meat.

Let the meat simmer for about an hour or until the meat is tender. Keep checking because if you overcook the steak it will be dry. I forgot to take pictures of the next part, but mix 1/4 cup of flour with 3/4 cup of water. Remove the meat from the pot, and bring the broth to a boil. Using a mesh strainer, pour the flour mixture through the strainer into the pot and whisk together quickly. Allow the gravy to boil for a minute or two while stirring, then add the meat back to the pot. Taste the gravy to make sure the seasonings are okay. (I like to add a little cayenne pepper here) If the gravy tastes "weak", you can add a teaspoon or so of beef bouillon.

And there you have steak and gravy. I don't have picture of the final dish served over rice because I am serving it tomorrow as Sunday lunch, so I haven't made the rice yet.

I hope this will be a dish that you try and fall in love with. It is one of the staple dishes in my kitchen, and I generally serve it over rice, with green beans and homemade biscuits.

Steak and Gravy

2-3 lbs round steak, trimmed
1 yellow onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
Water to cover steak
1/4 c flour
3/4 c water

Peace

2011-08-03T21:13:00.000-05:00

I have this weight around my neck. It has 4 bedrooms, two bathrooms, one awesome fireplace and a backyard with two big pecan trees. The house we left behind in Texas has been just one trial after another for us. First we had no luck selling it for a variety of reasons. Then we found a renter who, over the course of the last 10 months, has paid her rent on time exactly once. We tried so hard to be understanding, because we knew she was newly divorced and on her own again for the first time in many years. We waived late fees, and accepted excuse after excuse but then discovered that she had lied to us on several occasions.

Trevor received a text from her this past week informing us that she had moved out last weekend (3 months before her lease was up) because she just couldn't afford the rent. We kind of figured that out since she hasn't paid her rent for the last two months. Two months that we still had to pay the mortgage and the rent for our current home. Two months of sending emails and texts with no replies. Two months of eagerly checking the mail only to be disappointed.

Sigh.

Trevor sent her an email indicating what she owes us, and politely told her that we didn't appreciate the fact that she had sneaked out of the property and broken her lease. She replied with a snippy email that basically said that she had a big orange U-Haul truck outside the house all weekend, so she hadn't sneaked out of the house since her moving activities were in full view of our in-law's house.

Really? Unless I'm wrong (and I'm not), she did not sign a contract with my brother-in-law. She signed a rental agreement with us, and even if Trevor's family was standing at the end of the driveway handing out cold water and sandwiches to them as they moved, she owed us the courtesy of a move-out notice. In case she hadn't noticed, we live in Oklahoma and can't see her driveway from here.

A person who needs to get out of a lease, customarily submits at least a 30 day notice to the owners, not a text to say that they are already gone. A person who isn't sneaky leaves a forwarding address to the owners of the property they vacated. A person who is acting in a aboveboard, honest way would never move out and then disappear.

Needless to say, it's been a frustrating week for us and we would love nothing more than to sell the house and be done with it. We're really tired of dealing with it long distance. Trevor drove down to Dayton today so that he could make sure the house is clean and ready to either sell or rent. He found a property manager that he is meeting with, and with any luck we can resolve this soon.

When Trevor told me what happened, I just felt sick to my stomach. All I could think about was our savings and how much we would have to use to straighten this out, and how this means that I won't be able to go part time or even think about quitting my job in the foreseeable future. I was angry at our renter and I felt the burden of that house pressing in on me.

After allowing myself a few hours of self-pity, I began to feel a little ashamed of myself. We are living in a beautiful home, my children are healthy and happy, I have a wonderful marriage to a man I adore. We have friends and family who love us, and a God who holds us in the palm of His hand. Despite our seemingly insurmountable problems, He has orchestrated it all from the beginning and knows how it's going to end. All we have to do is trust that He is in control and that no matter what happens He is working for our good and His glory.

I find so much comfort in his sovereignty over my life. It's not my inner strength or my "can do" attitude that will get me through this. It's my complete and utter trust in Him. I have to guard my heart and mind against worrying and fretting, because that time would be better spent in prayer and thanksgiving to the living God who commands my destiny. Does this mean that we just shrug our shoulders and hope that everything just works out in the end? Absolutely not! We have a responsibility to be good stewards of our finances and property, so we clean up the mess that has been left for us. But we don't do it with a defeatist attitude and a frown.

We are able to do it with joy, because we have peace. It doesn't matter if our saving dwindles to nothing, and we have to give up some of our comforts until the house situation is resolved. We have peace, and there is nothing in the world that compares.

The Father's Bargain

2011-07-17T17:36:00.000-05:00

Paul Washer preached the gospel this morning at our church. He was in town because of our youth camp, where he will be the keynote speaker. I had never heard of him before the announcement that he would be preaching, but now that I have heard him I will be seeking more from him.

He preached on one verse this morning: II Corinthians 5:21 For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. If you are interested in his sermon, you can watch it here. I spent 80 minutes in complete captivation as he presented that one verse of scripture in such a way as to make me rejoice, weep, praise God, feel the love of God as well as understand His wrath all at the same time. It was an emotionally and spiritually grueling hour and 20 minutes, but I wouldn't take back one single second of it.

In his sermon, he quoted Puritan preacher John Flavel several times, but it was this excerpt that really brought me to my knees. Paul conveyed it in such a powerful way and you can see it at around 1:03 on the video. I would encourage you to watch at the very least that small part of his sermon, because it is absolutely amazing. Here is the text from "The Father's Bargain".

Here you may suppose the Father to say when driving His bargain with Christ for you:

The Father speaks.

My Son, here is a company of poor, miserable souls that have utterly undone themselves and now lay open to my justice. Justice demands satisfaction for them, or will satisfy itself in the eternal ruin of them.

The Son responds.

O my Father. Such is my love to and pity for them, that rather then they shall perish eternally I will be responsible for them as their guarantee. Bring in all thy bills, that I may see what they owe thee. Bring them all in, that there be no after-reckonings with them. At my hands shall thou require it. I would rather choose to suffer the wrath that is theirs then they should suffer it. Upon me, my Father, upon me be all their debt.

The Father responds.

But my Son, if thou undertake for them, thou must reckon to pay the last mite. Expect no abatement. Son, if I spare them... I will not spare you.

The Son responds.

Content Father. Let it be so. Charge it all upon me. I am able to discharge it. And though it prove a kind of undoing to me, though it impoverish all my riches, empty all my treasures... I am content to take it."

Excerpt from "The Father's Bargain"
John Flavel

High Flight

2011-07-08T16:09:00.000-05:00

In honor of the last space shuttle flight....

High Flight

Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
of sun-split clouds, — and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of — wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov’ring there,
I’ve chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air....

Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace.
Where never lark, or even eagle flew —
And, while with silent lifting mind I have trod
The high untrespassed sanctity of space,
- Put out my hand, and touched the face of God.

--John Magee

Character Assassination in the Media

2011-07-07T10:24:00.000-05:00

The media circus surrounding the Casey Anthony trial this week has been crazy. First a verdict of not guilty was returned for the murder of Caylee, but then she was found guilty of lying to law enforcement officers. Public outrage was immediate and fierce, including my own. But as I've read and listened to many of the comments about Ms. Anthony, it has made me stop and think about what really happened in that court room.

I know this isn't going to win me any popularity contests, but a jury of her peers heard all the evidence and were unable to convict Ms. Anthony because the prosecution could not clearly show cause of death. Let me pose a question. If you were on trial, had lied about very important issues, but were still very much innocent of murder, wouldn't YOU want a jury that was careful in it's deliberation of the facts? Or would you prefer that they be swayed by the public's opinion of you, no matter how skewed it might be? Only God knows exactly what happened to that little girl, and if it was Casey she will get her due and it will be far worse than our justice system can mete out.

I don't really know what I believe about the case. I actually only have the information that the media gives me so I don't think that I have enough facts to form an informed, intelligent opinion. I understand the outrage that a small child is dead, possibly at the hands of a family member, but there is also the possibility that her death really was accidental. It saddens me to see people picketing outside the courthouse, screaming that Ms. Anthony is a baby murderer and that she deserves to die. This is not an election where we can pout after the candidate we supported lost, and sometimes make disparaging comments about the winner. This wasn't a majority wins situation. The twelve people who represent the rest of us heard the evidence and returned a verdict based on facts to which we are not necessarily privy, although many have used the limited information in the media to make uninformed opinions about her guilt.

I don't think that I am defending Casey Anthony here, at least that is not my intent. But you cannot even argue that she's a celebrity (have you seen the pictures of her and OJ side by side yet?). She is a person who was plucked out of obscurity and became front page news because a child was involved, and we are always more outraged when children are involved. If I can't believe that the twelve people who returned a not guilty verdict did so with the utmost deliberation and consideration, then I have no hope for myself or anyone else who might find themselves accused of a crime they did not commit finding justice. It would have disturbed me more had they convicted her based on the public outcry that she was guilty, instead of really looking at the evidence and facts of the case.

It's so easy to get caught up in the anger and incredulousness that a case like this invariably causes, but much harder to look beyond how we feel so we can see what really might have happened. It's tragic enough that one life was ended and destroyed, but compounding that by destroying another one who might be innocent will not bring her back. The old adage that two wrongs don't make a right is absolutely true here.

Did Casey Anthony kill her daughter? I don't have the answer to that question, but if I believe in our system of justice then I have to believe that insofar as they were able, our imperfect version of justice was served this week.

Friends

2011-07-04T09:44:00.000-05:00

It started with a text inviting us to watch fireworks with friends, and grew into an entire weekend of fun and fellowship. The plans to organize my linen closet, and rearrange the shelves in the utility room, were replaced with swimming, friends around the kitchen table and a picnic on the church lawn.

We set out Friday evening with our friends Curtis and Jyl to watch the fireworks with the rest of our city. We went early to find a good, grassy spot to set up camp and found a great place just across the street from the launch zone. With the help of seven kids, we soon had the chairs and coolers unpacked and placed in the growing patch of shade as the sun began to set. Although our little area was small, the kids still found a way to run around and play. The adults sat together and visited to the sound of our children laughing (and occasionally crying) as we waited for the sun to finish her descent in the sky.

The Griffins have become such good friends to our family, in no small part because Trevor and I have found good friends in Curtis and Jyl separately. If you are married for any length of time, you will develop friendships with couples based on the friendship of the wives or husbands. Sometimes these relationships are brought into a marriage at the beginning, and even though you might not click with the wife of his best friend, you can still hang out and have a good time. She's not someone to whom you would tell your innermost thoughts, but she's fun to have over with her husband for a movie night.

Then there are some couple friends that don't really work because you might love noshing about scrapbooking, cooking and how fun it would be to decorate a little girls' room with her, but the husbands have absolutely nothing in common. There is no animosity, but they really have nothing to say beyond the initial pleasantries. You really want the "married couple friends" thing to work, but you find that it's just uncomfortable to be together in that capacity.

So when you find a married couple where both husband and wife are good friends individually, and we all have fun collectively you feel like the stars have aligned and all is right with the world. Our children are friends and play well together (even fighting at times like siblings), and we have a genuine love for this family. God blessed us with many dear friendships since we've moved to Oklahoma, and we've been grateful for each one because we needed that support without any family here. Our friends have become our family, and it's simply God's hand of providence that we have been cared for so lovingly.

So as we sat in the balmy July air watching the fireworks burst in the sky above us, I looked around at Trevor, Curtis, Jyl and all the kids and said a prayer of thanksgiving for our life here. Thankfulness for living in this great country and for having friends with whom we can share these celebrations. Most importantly, thankfulness for these friends who are of an eternal variety and although miles and circumstances might separate us in this life, death never will.

We're Over Half-Way There

2011-03-29T01:00:00.006-05:00

One decade

Ten years

520 weeks

3640 days

87,364 hours

5,241,600 minutes

According to current life expectancies for males in the United States, Nathan has already lived 13% of his life. He's officially reached the point where his time under our roof is shorter than what has been spent. He has reached the double digits in terms of age, and he is beginning his slow climb to manhood. He stands just a foot shorter than me, and I see the years sliding through my grasping fingers although I try my very best to slow them down.

Yet in spite of his growth and the passage of time, he is still my little boy. He sits near me with a companionable arm slung around my shoulders, or stays in my arms for a long good night hug. He leans into my hand as I touch his head in passing, and gives me that special smile that he's had since he was a toddler. Yes, he's still a boy but I see glimpses of the man he will become. I see it when he is concentrating on a project or struggling to hold back tears when he feels they are not appropriate.

The years are slipping away, so I must use the time I have left to teach him all the things he needs to know before he leaves home. Trevor and I work diligently to show him what it means to be a man and a husband, in charge of a household and family. He's only ten, but these lessons are learned in small steps over time. We teach him to respect and cherish women, not because they are somehow inferior or weak-minded but because that is how God created us to be. We try to model kindness, generosity and good stewardship, but above all we try to model the love of Christ.

This can be a terribly slippery slope if we insist on being legalistic and rigid, but such a teaching opportunity if we allow ourselves to remember that we can only love like Christ because of the grace we have been given. We fail over and over again to show that love in a million different ways, but letting our children see that we are not perfect is important. I think our children see our sin more clearly than anyone else because they live with us and watch our behavior so closely. It's impossible to model perfection for them since we are imperfect, but it's in our imperfection that Christ is seen more clearly. We can show them that we are fallen, but forgiven by His blood. We can model lives that delight in God and glorify Him by the million other ways that we are able to show His love because He first loved us.

So today I breathe a prayer of thanksgiving for the gift that was given to us ten years ago. A prayer for his salvation and a prayer for a long life spent serving and glorifying the One who made him. A prayer of protection and a prayer that he will not always be happy, but that he will always have joy.

Happy Birthday Nathan.

A Blues Primer

2011-03-27T21:04:00.028-05:00

I was going through my email folders, and came across this gem that my uncle sent me several years ago. It is just as funny today as it was then and so I wanted to share.

Blues Primer

1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..."

2."I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you
stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with
the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes...sort of: "Got a good woman with the
meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in
town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a
ditch-ain't no way out.

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues
don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues
transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft
an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin'
plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults
sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the
electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place
in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just
clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the
best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place
that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male
pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the
blues. Breaking your leg 'cause an alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting
is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.

10. Good places for the Blues:

   a. highway

   b. jailhouse

   c. empty bed

   d. bottom of a whiskey glass

 Bad places:

   a. Dillard's

   b. gallery openings

   c. Ivy League institutions

   d. golf courses

11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you
happen to be an old black person, and you slept in it.

12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?

Yes, if:

   a. you older than dirt

   b. you blind

   c. you shot a man in Memphis

   d. you can't be satisfied

  No, if:

   a. you have all your teeth

   b. you were once blind but now can see

   c. the man in Memphis lived

   d. you have a 401K or trust fund

13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger
Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also
got a leg up on the blues.

14. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the
Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:

   a. cheap wine

   b. whiskey or bourbon

   c. muddy water

   d. nasty black coffee

 The following are NOT Blues beverages:

   a. Perrier

   b. Chardonnay

   c. Snapple

   d. Slim Fast

15. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues
death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to
die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a
broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a
tennis match or getting liposuction.

16. Some Blues names for women:

   a. Sadie

   b. Big Mama

   c. Bessie

   d. Fat River Dumpling

17 Some Blues names for men:

   a. Joe

   b. Willie

   c. Little Willie

   d. Big Willie

18. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't
sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19. Make your own Blues name Starter Kit:

   a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)

   b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi,etc.)

   c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)

For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple
Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.")

20. I don't care how tragic your life: if you own a computer, you
cannot sing the blues.

It's Almost Time!

2011-03-08T19:43:00.001-06:00

Was it really just Thanksgiving? It doesn't seem like it's been over three months since my last blog entry, but the calendar doesn't lie. It's already Mardi Gras I didn't even finish the Giving Thanks Challenge from last year, which makes me feel a little ashamed and a lot guilty. I had such good intentions when I started that challenge, not the least of which was to commit to blogging more regularly.

Yes. Well. (sigh)

So a quick recap. Thanksgiving in Louisiana was wonderful, Christmas in Oklahoma was fabulous and we saw the New Year in with good friends. January and February brought several feet of snow and our first experience with sledding. Now we are coasting into spring, and with it comes Spring break!!!! I don't recall the last time I took an entire week off from work, but that is exactly what I am doing next week. Amber, David and my nephew Travis are flying up from Louisiana to see us and I am stoked to have the entire week to hang out and just have fun. We don't have any concrete plans and nothing but time.

Travis turned one last month, and I can't wait to see him again! He has grown so much in the past few months, and I can't wait to hold him and play with him to my heart's content. Nathan and Grace are excited about seeing him too, and Gracie wants to feed him. I keep explaining to her that he is a big boy now and can eat with his hands, but she keeps insisting that he will need help with his spoon!

My parents came to see us the kids this past weekend, and we had a great time. We didn't tell Nathan and Grace that they were coming, and so Trevor played a trick on them. My mom called right before they arrived, so Trevor called the kids into the living room in a stern voice and made them sit on the couch. They were sitting there wondering what they had done, when Nannie and Papa walked through the door. I wasn't there, but apparently the joy was palpable and their relief was great! I couldn't get Grace to let go of Nannie's hand all weekend, and I was starting to feel a little shunned by the time they left Monday morning!

So now I am almost halfway through the week, and I am having a hard time concentrating at work since in my mind Spring break is already here! I'll do my best to post some pictures and anecdotes next week, and to be better about blogging in general.

I'm Giving Thanks...for Hair Dye

2010-11-24T07:00:00.000-06:00

I have been dyeing my hair for over a third of my life, trying in vain to keep the silver from peeking out through the dark brown strands. I don't remember my exact age the first time I perused the aisle in the drugstore that I thought was reserved for grandmothers and employees of the world's oldest profession, but I know it was before I was married. For those of you who are trying to figure out the math, I was in my early twenties.

At first I could go months between colorings, because the grey was not really widespread. It was mostly an effort to keep it under control. I remember my dad going silver at a pretty early age, and then lamenting how much older it made him look. My mom always told him that if he had started coloring it when it first began, no one would have ever known and I took that to heart.

But it wasn't long before I was more salt than pepper in between colorings, and I just wasn't ready to have silver hair in my thirties. So I kept coloring my hair, but finding that the color was not lasting as long between times as it used to. So I started doing root touch-ups between colorings, and while thankful for the means to cover the silver I was not happy with all of the maintenance I was forced to provide. I am a comb my hair straight or throw it up in a pony tail kind of girl. I am a step below low maintenance when it comes to hair and makeup.

So while I am thankful for all of the years hair color has covered up my age increasing, youth decreasing silver, I think the time is approaching when I just leave it all behind and let my hair look the way God intended. Until someone asks me if I'm Trevor's mother....then all bets are off!

I'm Giving Thanks...for a Helping Hand

2010-11-19T18:34:00.003-06:00

Life has not exactly turned out the way I expected in terms of my role as a wife and mother. I'm still working full-time, and spend more time away from my house than I do in it. Evenings are rushed with cooking, basic cleaning, and getting everything ready for the kids for school the next day.

Weekends are spent catching up on the pile of laundry, housework and school projects that didn't get completed during the week. I also spend much of my time on Saturday and Sunday fulfilling obligations that I have made for myself to friends, church and family. Whether it's trying to get costumes planned and sewn for a program, or making food for church or a friend, it feels like my weekends are cram-packed with so many things that I don't really find the time to relax.

I wish that I didn't have to always rush around to get things done. I wish I had the luxury of running errands during the week and not fighting the grocery store crowds on Saturday. I wish I had more time to spend with my children. I wish I could volunteer as a class mom and organize their parties. I wish, I wish, I wish.

But one wish was fulfilled by my sweet husband several months ago when he budgeted out enough money to have a maid service come in every other week to do the heavy cleaning for us. No longer do I A) spend all day Saturday scrubbing the house or B) spend all weekend feeling guilty for being too tired to scrub the house. Every other Thursday I come home to the smell of furniture polish and the clean look of freshly mopped floors. The crumbs are gone from the corners of the kitchen,and the bathrooms sparkle.

So even though my weekends are still hectic (even more so, now with the particularly crazy brand of hectic the holiday season brings), I have more time to enjoy my family. Time to let Gracie help me cook, and time to help Nathan paint his Awana Grand Prix car. Time to slow down and crochet for a little while without looking around the living room telling myself that I should get up and dust first. So today I am thankful for the maid service that gives me a helping hand and back a little bit of my time.

I'm Giving Thanks...for Evenings With My Husband

2010-11-17T17:33:00.001-06:00

As I pull into the driveway after a full day of work, I am already thinking ahead to all the things that need to be done once I walk through the back door. I shift the Tahoe in park, and take a deep breath as I turn the key and grab my purse. I love my children and my home, but sometimes I wish for a little more time alone and a little less to do.

I open the door and call out for Nathan and Grace, and they come running from the back of the house to say hello as I drop my purse and keys on the stool by the back door. After the usual rounds of hugs and kisses, they go back to what they were doing and I begin the evening checklist of things to do. First I go through their backpacks for notes, homework and grades and sign all pertinent papers for the next day. I make sure that all the junk is removed and that their jackets are hung up on the coat rack.

Once the backpacks are emptied, I begin the daily torture of trying to figure out what to make for dinner. Sometimes this just turns into an internet order to Dominos or a box of macaroni and cheese, but on the nights that I do cook this is when I get it started. After dinner is cooking, I pick up the living room and/or put on a load of laundry. All of this activity is of course punctuated with questions from, conflict resolution for and repeating myself 326 times to the kids. By the time Trevor gets home at six, I am exhausted.

We eat dinner together and then we all sort of do our own thing for a little while. But all too soon, arguments ensue regarding who took their bath first last night, and who has to do it first tonight. Once the logistics are finally worked out, baths are taken and the kids are ready for bed it's time for Trevor and I to wind down. We receive our goodnight hugs and sugar from Nathan and Grace, and then we have a few hours to just be together, talk and hang out. Usually we watch television together, but we frequently pause it as we think of things to discuss.

It's my favorite part of the day. So today I am giving thanks for evenings alone with my husband.

I'm Giving Thanks...for Hot Beverages

2010-11-15T13:53:00.000-06:00

I work in a radiation oncology department, and in order to keep our machines running properly the ambient temperature has to be several degrees below normal. Sometimes this works to our advantage when we are really busy and running around like crazy to stay on schedule. But on days like this when it's fairly slow and steady, my hands start to get cold and the rest of my body quickly follows. Sometimes I'll get a blanket out of the warmer, but more often then not I get a hot beverage. I've kept spiced tea mix here for the last few months and I've sipped on more than my share.

So today I am thankful for hot drinks on cold days (or cold departments!).

I'm Giving Thanks...for iChat and Skype

2010-11-14T17:14:00.000-06:00

My family is scattered all over the country these days. Washington DC, Houston, Denver, Tulsa, Hammond, Louisiana. I talk to my family members on the phone fairly frequently, but there is nothing like seeing them in person. Unfortunately, it's difficult to get everyone together at one time due to time and financial restraints, and we don't see one another nearly as often as we would like.

Luckily for us we have iChat and Skype so that we can video conference any time we want to. I Skyped with my sister and nephew earlier this afternoon, and got to see him give her sweet 9 month old baby kisses. A little later I conferenced with my brother who is in Albuquerque on business, and my sister in law and nephew who are in DC all at the same time with iChat. It wasn't as good as seeing them in person, but it was a close second. So today I am thankful for the technology of iChat and Skype so I can see my family more often.

I'm Giving Thanks...for Prayer

2010-11-13T12:37:00.001-06:00

This morning I attended a baby shower for my sweet friend Erica. She is due in just weeks, and it was a sweet time of fellowship as we showered her with gifts and well wishes for the baby boy she is still nurturing in her body. After the gifts were opened and plates were full of good things to eat, our friend Maggie explained that it was Erica's desire that we have a time of prayer for the new baby and for her family. I've been to several baby showers where we had a short devotional about motherhood, the blessing of children and the design of the core family unit. I think the devotionals add a sense of worship to the gathering of friends and family, as well as blessing the mother-to-be.

But this time of prayer? Wow. It was amazing. Maggie began the prayer, each person prayed if they felt led to do so, and then Maggie closed it at the end. They began as prayers of thanksgiving for Erica and her family, and petitions for a safe birth and strength for the coming days. But as each woman added her prayer to the to growing stream of vertical worship, they expanded to include early salvation for our children, repentance for those children who have gone astray and pleas that we would be an encouragement to one another. As I sat there, I felt enveloped by love and a joy that can only come from people of God praying for each other.

So today I am thankful for prayer. Not just the prayers I utter to God when I am alone, but for the prayers that are said for me when I am completely unaware. The intercession made on my behalf by people who love me and love Christ is one of the greatest gifts that God gives His people. Who have you prayed for lately?

I'm Giving Thanks...for Rain

2010-11-12T20:53:00.000-06:00

I love rainy days. Well, I love rainy days that don't involve me getting out of the house. I love curling up with a good book and reading while the rain drums a soothing rhythm on the roof and the water runs down the windows and makes tiny streams in the road. I love falling asleep to the sound of rain falling outside and rushing over the edge of the eaves in sheets as I snuggle down under the quilt, knowing that I am safe and warm.

The thing I miss most about the weather in Houston is the rain, although I never would have said I loved it when I was living there. It was just a part of life and I didn't really give it much thought. I'm certainly not complaining about the beautiful, clear days we've had this fall here in Tulsa, but I do miss those good soaking rains that make it smell like the world has been washed clean. It's not unusual to have an entire week of rain and clouds back home, but here we are lucky if a storm lasts longer than a few hours. The weather tends to be quick and violent in Oklahoma, and it feels like the rain never lasts long enough.

Thursday morning, I woke up from a deep sleep by a strange sound. I actually sat up in bed in confusion trying to put a name to it when Trevor sleepily told me that it was just rain. I've become accustomed to it's absence and I had to laugh at myself as I settled back in to sleep. Never in a million years did I think I would be confused by the sound of rain!

It's been raining today and I have been relishing every moment of it. It's cooled the air and washed the streets clean. We really need this respite from the dry weather, so today I am thankful for the rain.

I'm Giving Thanks...for Veterans

2010-11-11T19:06:00.000-06:00

I sometimes think that Veteran's Day is the most undervalued and under appreciated patriotic holiday that our country celebrates. Even Labor Day gets more attention and excitement than the only day of the year that we set aside to thank those who serve and have served in our nation's armed forces. Memorial Day is spent remembering those who have given their lives for our freedom, but the one day we designate to encourage and thank those who are still with us seems to get lost in the bustle before Thanksgiving and Christmas.

As I reflected today on all the veterans that I know on a personal basis, I realized that I really didn't know how Veteran's Day became a national holiday. I found that it was originally known as Armistice Day which commemorated the signing of the Armistice. It was signed by the Germans on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month of 1918, which effectively ended World War I. President Woodrow Wilson declared it a national holiday the following year, to be celebrated each year on November 11. In 1954, President Dwight Eisenhower expanded the holiday to include all veterans, not just those of WWI, so Armistice was replaced with Veterans and has been known by that name ever since.

So today I am thankful for all veterans. Those who have never seen the heat of battle and those who have been deep in the trenches. Those who keep the vast machinery of our armed forces running smoothly behind the scenes, and those who fly overhead to keep us safe from threats foreign and domestic. I am thankful that there are brave men and women who put their lives at risk on a day to day basis so I can raise my children without fear, and have the freedom to voice my opinions as I am doing right now. Thank you and God speed.

I'm Giving Thanks...for Amazon

2010-11-10T17:43:00.000-06:00

I am not by nature a person that enjoys crowds, which by extension means that I do not like to shop during the holidays. The stores are overcrowded and hot, people are constantly in my personal space (which, by the way, increases to a circumference roughly the size of a hula hoop when I leave the house), and then I have to haul all the stuff I bought home.

Enter Amazon online shopping. I started shopping this way several years ago and found it to be a very satisfactory solution to my crowd hating issue. Friends and family made wish lists there, and I was able to purchase the perfect gift without ever leaving the comfort of my armchair. I would watch for free shipping specials, and deals that provided guilt-free buying for Christmas. The very best part of the whole arrangement was that each and every item was shipped directly to my front door, or to the front door of the recipient.

Holiday shopping has become so easy that I am generally done by the time the first of December rolls around. There are always a few items that I shop for the old-fashioned way, but by and large I do it all online. The beauty of early shopping is that I don't spend all of December worrying and stressing over my shopping list and how I'm going to find time to go out and get it all done. I can actually enjoy the Christmas season, and savor all the moments with family and friends. I also have more time to bake, which is always important this time of year.

So today, I am thankful for Amazon and online shopping.

No Pressure

2010-11-09T19:23:00.000-06:00

We were sitting together in the living room when Gracie came in with a part from her Little Mermaid bath tub play set in her little hand. She walked to Trevor, held it out and said:

Daddy, since I know you're an engineer and you can fix anything, can you please fix this?

No pressure, baby. No pressure at all.

I'm Giving Thanks...for Fall Sunsets

2010-11-09T18:26:00.000-06:00

It's no secret that fall is my favorite time of year, and for reasons too numerous to list here. But even within my favorite season I have very specific things that I love. For instance, I love the acrid smell of smoke in the air, a brisk breeze on my skin and the sight of that singularly blue sky that only autumn can produce.

But one of my favorite things about fall is the time just before sunset, when day is standing on the threshold of night and the sinking sun casts golden light through the changing leaves and lengthens the shadows. I always marvel at the beauty of the setting sun in all seasons, but it's particularly beautiful now. So today I am giving thanks for the simplicity of the sunset, bringing with it the close of another day and the stillness of the night.

I'm Giving Thanks...for My Bible

2010-11-08T19:25:00.000-06:00

Scripture is the single most important tangible possession that a person can own. It gives instructions for living and more importantly, the story of the gospel from start to finish to show us the way to salvation through Christ. Every verse in the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation tells a portion of the story of redemption and shows Christ as it's grand subject.

But when I say that I am thankful for my Bible, I mean that on a very personal level. My parents gave me my Bible for Christmas in 1990. It has my name embossed on the maroon leather front cover and when I married, I proudly added my new last name to it. I know that many people do not like to write or underline in their Bibles, but I have twenty years worth of writing, underlining and highlighting in between the covers. It contains the the things I learned from Beth Moore studies, my own reflection during my quiet time and hundreds of sermons given by men of God on Sunday morning.

There is nothing that I can add to scripture to make it better. As a matter of fact, that would be anathema to do so, but all of my notations are road maps in my continuing journey to spiritual maturity. I have quotes from John Piper, RC Sproul, John Calvin and Martin Luther in the margins, indicating times in my study when their wise words helped me to better understand a passage or verse.

The pages are soft and well used. The cover is worn and coming apart in some places, but feels just right in my hands. In it I carry a bookmark given to me by my grandmother when Gramps died that has a copy of his obituary on it...a short testament to a beautiful life lived for the glory of God. There's always a stray bulletin or two between the pages, and a paper with the passages to read for Sunday school each week.

It's more than just a book simply by virtue of being the inspired Word of God. Even if I never wrote one word in it, or underlined one passage it would still be the most important book that I own. But because it has been well used and loved, it means so much more to me. It's a legacy of all the knowledge and wisdom I've accrued over the years; information that has helped to make me the person that I am today in Christ. I pray that one day my children will read my Bible and not be surprised by what I've written, but be able to say instead that they saw me put my knowledge to use in a life lived for Christ and His glory.

I'm Giving Thanks...for Feeling Included

2010-11-07T07:16:00.002-06:00

When we moved to Oklahoma almost a year and a half ago, I was certain that this was where God wanted us to be. But in spite of that feeling of assurance, I was still nervous about living with two young children in a new town with no friends or family. Would we fit in? Would people like us? How would we find a babysitter when we didn't know a soul?

All of those fears were put to rest when we joined our church and met a group of the most wonderful people. People who babysat our children. People who brought us food when Trevor's grandmother passed away. People who love Christ and do their best to show His love as they go about their everyday business. But even as welcoming as a group of people can be, it's a fact of life that when you're the new person, you have to work at breaking into circles of friends and becoming a part of that group. No matter how old I get, I still feel like it's the first day of Kindergarten all over again and I'm trying to figure out who wants to be my friend.

This is not a criticism of anyone at our church, because we were overwhelmingly welcomed and made to feel like we belonged from the very beginning. What I'm talking about is that feeling of true friendship that can only come with time. Discovering which people had the most in common with Trevor and me, and who we really clicked with on a personal level. Which acquaintances developed into something deeper and more honest than the others, and who felt comfortable calling on us for favors at a moment's notice as we did them.

Now that we've had time to get to know people (and let's be honest....they've gotten to know us, ~~warts~~ quirks and all), we really feel like we have more than just a wonderful church family. We have friends. And it's an indescribable feeling to feel included and loved, and to know that there are people here who love us for who we are. We miss our families but I'm thankful today that God has provided a circle of friends to stand in the gap and that we are included.

I'm Giving Thanks...for Difficult Circumstances

2010-11-06T17:09:00.002-05:00

I posted the other day about my Tahoe breaking down on the way to work and how Trevor came to my rescue. Sadly, the story doesn't end there but continues on to include a brand new transmission. In years past, this would have sent me into a frenzy of worry and stress about how the amount of money in our checking account would cover the final amount of the bill. About which credit card we were going to max out to supplement our inadequate savings, and then about how we would pay our bills that month (and conceivably the next).

But when we got the news about this expensive repair, my first thought was not about any of those things. It was to thank God for providing for us in this economy, and for sending a renter for our house in Texas. The first rent check could not have come at a better time, and because of some financial decisions that we made a few months ago we had money set aside for just such an emergency. God is teaching us to be good stewards of our money. He's teaching us that He is capable of taking care of our every need. He is teaching us that the end game for everything that happens to us in this life is for our good and His glory.

The money we have to spend on this unexpected repair is not without it's own set of difficulties. It sets us back in our savings, and it lengthens the amount of time it will take to reach our financial goals but those are such temporal things. The eternal lessons we have gleaned are far more important and so today I am giving thanks for difficult circumstances and the way God grows us when we respond in faith, joy and thanksgiving.

I'm Giving Thanks...for Friday Nights

2010-11-05T14:41:00.000-05:00

I love anticipation. I actually enjoy the anticipation of an event almost more than I enjoy the actual event. That's why Thursday is my favorite day of the week. I have all day to anticipate Friday and the weekend, but it's close enough to the end of the week that it feels almost festive. Right now I'm at work thinking about all the fun stuff we could do tonight. It's supposed to be cold, so I think that it would be fun to start a fire in the fire pit and roast some marshmallows, and enjoy sitting outside in a warm blanket.

I think I might make a big pot of stew, and maybe some homemade biscuits to go with. I might spend the entire evening watching movies with Trevor and the kids while I work on my afghan. The point is that Friday nights bring with them a sense of eager anticipation and the feeling that anything is possible, and I just love feeling like that! When my head finally hits my pillow tonight, what I envisioned for my evening may be markedly different from what actually happened, but that's the beauty of Friday nights.

So today I'm thankful for Friday nights and their endless possibilities.

I'm Giving Thanks...for My Husband

2010-11-04T21:39:00.000-05:00

This morning began in the usual way: hitting the snooze roughly 14 times, quick shower because I overslept and rushing out the door with my coffee and on the road to work all within 30 minutes of getting out of bed. I took my exit and after the first stop light realized that something was not right with the Tahoe. It seemed to be hesitating when I accelerated and a faint grinding noise was coming from the vicinity of the transmission. I pulled off the road about a block from the hospital and called Trevor to see what I should do. I was afraid to park in the underground garage in case the truck needed to be towed.

He told me he would be there in a few minutes, so I called my manager and then settled back to wait. I wasn't in any distress and the weather was incredibly nice, but the sight of Trevor turning into the parking lot still made my heart skip with joy. I knew that once he arrived, everything would be okay even if the Tahoe was not drivable. He was there to take care of it.

He checked a few things, tried to drive it and then decided to call AAA to tow the truck to a repair shop. He made the call, got out and dealt with the tow truck driver, drove us to the repair shop and then handled all the details regarding the Tahoe. Guess what I did? I sat in the comfort of the heated passenger seat and read a book on my iPad, completely secure in the knowledge that Trevor had everything under control. I drove him to work, and then took his truck back to the hospital.

It's a simple story with no real drama or stress (besides the fact that we were both two hours late for work), but it illustrates the kind of husband with whom I have been blessed. He never complains or thinks of himself when I need him. He comes directly to my aid, and makes sure that I'm taken care of. He always has my back, even when it is inconvenient for him or involves doing something that he dislikes. He makes me feel safe and cherished every day of my life, and for that I am thankful.

I'm Giving Thanks...for Lunesta

2010-11-03T16:59:00.002-05:00

In recent years, I have noticed a difference in my sleep patterns. I find it difficult to fall asleep; sometimes it's like my mind is on overdrive and I can't turn it off. A million thoughts and ideas go running through my head and no matter how hard I try to concentrate on drifting off to sleep, it won't happen. When I finally get to sleep, it only takes a small noise or movement to wake me. As soon as I'm awake, I might as well take a shower and get dressed for work because my sleeping is over for the night, even if it is 1:30 in the morning. To say the least it's incredibly frustrating, and after months of trying over the counter sleep aids I finally told my doctor and he prescribed Lunesta.

I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that it is a miracle drug. Seriously. I am finally able to go to sleep, stay asleep and wake up feeling as though I actually slept all night instead of watching bad early morning television. I discovered that my bouts of insomnia were cyclic. Once I got my sleep patterns under control, I stopped taking the Lunesta and I was fine for a while. When I would have a bad night of insomnia, I would take Lunesta for the next few nights to get me back on track and then I was good to go again.

So today I am thankful for Lunesta (and so is my family).

I'm Giving Thanks...for the Right to Vote

2010-11-02T20:06:00.000-05:00

We have so freedoms afforded to us as United States citizens. So many rights that we often take them for granted and become complacent because of the sense of entitlement they tend to bring. We have so many rights that we begin to assign rights where there are none. We assume that our rights (real and perceived) can never be taken away from us, so we allow others to make decisions for us by not voting. We claim to be so confused by the convoluted state of our government that we can't vote intelligently because we don't understand the issues. We decry the corruption in high places and become so disillusioned that we feel as though no matter who we put in office it won't matter, because they will succumb to the pervasive dishonesty and trading of favors.

We have so many excuses to not vote: not enough time, the lines are too long, forgetting to register....the list goes on and on. Sadly, the same people who don't take the time to vote are often the first to complain when the politicians make decisions that don't align with their values. It's like the lottery...you've got to play to win. You forfeit the right to bellyache if you are unwilling to exercise your right to vote.

I would love to see the election results if 100% of the population cast their votes. What would a true majority look like, and what would it say? I think liberals and conservatives alike would be surprised.

It was with a distinct sense of pride that I signed my name this morning to indicate that I cast my vote in the mid-term elections. I added my voice to the millions of other Americans who took the time to speak today. I am thankful for the right to vote.

I'm Giving Thanks...for Beautiful Fall Weather

2010-11-01T21:05:00.000-05:00

For some reason I am surprised every single year when I turn the page on my calendar and it reads November. I always feel as though we just finished the holiday season, and that I'm not quite ready to face another. It's not that I don't enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas, but that the years seem to be flying by too quickly for my taste. I heard a quote recently about raising children that pretty much sums up how I feel:

The days are long, but the years are short.

The days that we spend in the trenches of parenthood and marriage can seem never ending, and when we have several of those days in a row it feels as though time is standing still. But then there are the days of complete joy and contentment when all seems right with the world and we float along on the emotional high we get from enjoying our children and our spouses, that more than compensates for all the rest. But at year's end, the good and the bad days seem to blend together in one long blur with sporadic highlights here and there.

So here I am at the beginning of the end of 2010, and I find that I have much for which I am thankful. I've done this challenge for the last three years, and my previous lists can be found here, here and here. If you would like to participate in the Giving Thanks Challenge, go see Leah at South Breeze Farm and grab the button for your blog, or just update your Facebook status each day with something for which you are thankful.

This year, the first item on my list is the beautiful fall weather here in Oklahoma. We've had a string of beautiful days and nights this fall, and they make me wish that I did not work in a basement! The days are comfortable and sunny and the nights are cool and breezy. We've had our bedroom window open for about three weeks now, enjoying the cool air all night. I realize that Oklahoma does not have particularly cool weather in the fall compared to other parts of the country, but since my only real frame of reference is the Gulf coast, the temperatures are perfect!

So, what are you thankful for?

Faithful

2010-10-04T21:57:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it's hard to believe that we have been living in Oklahoma for almost a year and a half. During that time we have made some dear friends, become involved in our church and been stretched and grown in so many ways. We have learned what it means to be a part of a fellowship of believers, and to truly serve within the congregation. We have faced difficult situations, and met them with prayer and thanksgiving. We have second guessed our decision to move so far away from family, and then been reminded of the family we gained as a result of our relocation. To say the least, it has been 16 months of ups and downs.

The most difficult thing with which we have had to struggle was the sale of our house in Texas. We put it on the market in April of 2009 with high hopes that it would sell and that we would be purchasing a new home in Oklahoma within a year or two. But with the difficult economy and the housing market being what it is, the house has been vacant since we moved. We have asked friends and family for prayer regarding this area of worry and concern. We prayed and made all sorts of plans concerning the sale of the house, but sometimes it seemed as though God was completely unaware of our worry.

I knew that God would take care of us, and He did in so many amazing ways. Although we have effectively been paying two mortgages, our financial needs have been met. Sometimes it was an unexpected check in the mail from a forgotten reimbursement and sometimes it was that we had just enough for the month to get by. God has provided for our needs, and shown me the truth of Proverbs 16:9. A man's heart plans his ways, but the LORD directs his steps. And oh the plans I have made! Plans about how to go about selling the house, how much we should lower the price, who should be our real estate agent, and whether or not we should just foreclose and be done with it.

All of these things were discussed at length and a thousand more besides. We vacillated between doing what was right, and taking the easy road and taking a credit hit. I am ashamed to admit that we considered foreclosure or at the very least a deed in lieu, but there it is. We had moments of weakness and despair in spite of our prayers and belief that God was in control and that we would emerge from this time stronger for going through the Refiner's fire. We questioned everything....was this a test? Were we passing or failing? Were we doing enough or were we doing too much? Were we really leaning on Him, or were we just pretending?

I wish that I had the answer to those questions. I often want to know why things happen as though the knowledge would change anything. I am learning that I don't need to know everything. In fact, it's probably better that I don't know more, because knowing why would take away some of the sweetness of trusting in God. I want to trust Him the way my children trust me. They don't need lengthy explanations as to why I care for them and what motivates me to do so. They just revel in the knowledge that they are loved and cared for by no merit of their own, but just because they are my children.

So after all the months of wondering what would finally happen with our house in Texas, we received word last week that our realtor had found a renter. Would we have preferred to sell the house and be done with it? Sure. Do we know that God has a plan in all of this? Absolutely. We made our plans, but God directed our steps. We are thankful for the lifting of a financial burden, and we praise Him for being faithful to us even when we show ourselves unfaithful to Him in so many ways.

New Beginnings

2010-08-18T09:45:00.000-05:00

It's that time of the year again. School is in session, summer is officially over and the calendar is already filling up with activities. Nathan and Grace attended the YMCA summer camp this year and had a really great time. They swam every day, stayed active and went on field trips once a week. They made new friends and enjoyed their time away from school and all the responsibilities associated with the classroom.

But it's here again. We had meet the teacher night Monday, and the kids were really excited to be in the halls of their school again, calling out to old friends they had not seen all summer and hugging teachers. It was such a different scene from last year when we were new to this area and the kids didn't know anyone. They quietly observed the other children and shyly said hello to their teachers. You would never know by looking at them today that they were the "new kids" last year. I was so proud of their confidence and friendly attitudes. Another of many prayers answered over the course of the last twelve months.

Every year since Nathan started Kindergarten, we've driven them to school on the first day, walked them to their classes and stayed for a few minutes for a picture or two. When I asked them if they wanted me to drive them to school on the first day, Gracie immediately made it clear that she wanted to ride the bus. Nathan still wanted me to drive him to school and go inside, but the closer it got to the first day I could tell that he was not entirely sure what he wanted. So I asked them one more time this morning what they wanted me to do. The answer broke my heart and made it sing all at one time. I could drive them to school, but they could handle it from there. They didn't want me to walk them in.

On one hand, it made me sad that this would be the first year with no pictures from inside the classroom and no picture of Trevor holding Nathan or Grace's hand. No last minute hugs or kisses. Just a quick "I love you mom!" as they stepped out of the Tahoe and then a fleeting glance of them walking into the school. Not even time for a quick photo of them from the drop-off lane.

On the other hand it made my heart sing with thanksgiving to God that He had been faithful to answer my prayers that my children would make new friends and fit in with their peers in this new town. That they were confident, happy children with an excitement for school and for Him.

So I sit here waiting. Waiting for the sound of the bus pulling up outside, and then the excited chatter and laughter of children getting off the bus and running home. Waiting for my babies who are not babies any more, to come barreling through the front door, full of stories and information about their first day of school. Waiting for the new rhythm of our days to begin again and to watch as my children grow over the next year and marvel once again at the mercy and grace of God in our lives.

Little Moments

2010-07-05T09:49:00.000-05:00

Yesterday evening was one of those perfect nights where normal events all fell into place to make some really great memories. You know the kind. Like when you're sitting around with some friends, the conversation is great and the atmosphere is relaxed and welcoming. You suddenly look around and realize that you are living your life. Not just waiting for the next get together, or the next day of work or the next vacation, but recognize that what is happening around you is a memory in the making.

Trevor drove home from Texas yesterday afternoon, after a long weekend of cleanup at the as of yet unsold house. We were so glad to see him pull into the driveway, and the kids ran out to greet him before he could even get out of the truck. I love it that I still get butterflies when I see him come through the front door, and know that he is back home. Life seems so empty and flat without him, and being able to just glance over and see him sitting in his chair makes me smile.

We hadn't really planned anything for the Fourth of July because he wasn't sure when he would be home, and then Nathan woke up with a low-grade fever Sunday morning. I decided to run out to the store for some things to grill and pulled out some money for some fireworks as well. While I got dinner ready, Trevor and Nathan drove down to the local firework stand to purchase some fiery entertainment. After a full day of being still and resting, Nathan was more than ready to get outside and do something!

When we sat down to dinner, I asked who was going to say the blessing because we take turns. Gracie said, "Daddy, because we are glad he is home." We ate dinner and then sat down to watch a movie until it got dark enough to light the fireworks.

It was about 8:45 when the sun set, and we went outside to play and realized that it was sprinkling! Not deterred by the rain, Trevor and the kids took the fireworks out to the side walk and began lighting them. As I sat there on the front porch watching my favorite people in the world, time slowed down for a brief moment. All of the physical elements of the evening magnified; the fireflies blinking in the field, the cool breeze moving over my skin, the multitude of fireworks bursting from horizon to horizon, even the smell of the wild grasses and flowers that grow nearby. As I watched Nathan and Grace with their glow necklaces and sparklers, I committed the moment to my memory. I considered getting up and retrieving my camera, but I didn't want to miss even a second of the scene unfolding before me.

The moment was as close to pure bliss as we can achieve on this earth. Pure, unadulterated joy and happiness at being reunited again and sharing a special moment together. A moment infused with love, acceptance and the knowledge that it really doesn't get any better than this.

That's What Faith Can Do

2010-06-22T19:55:00.000-05:00

I've had this song running through my head for days now, and I just love the words. There is so much turmoil in the lives of people that I love, and uncertainty in my own life that sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming. In the midst of troubles and trials, I cling to my faith. Faith in a God who loves me and has preordained my very circumstances to grow me and draw me nearer to Him. It's so hard to see the big picture from where I'm sitting, but I have faith that He not only sees the picture but has painted it from before the foundations of the world. Trusting in His sovereignty gives me such a peace and joy, and I don't know how I would survive without Him.

Everybody falls sometimes
Got to find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than just what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
When you don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Children Change Everything

2010-06-20T07:31:00.001-05:00

I have a confession to make: Trevor and I never intended to have children. If you would have asked anyone who knows me, they would have agreed that I was completely set against having any children at any time, ever. This was something that Trevor and I discussed before we were married, and were both relieved to find one another on the same page. I was never much of a kid person, and children generally just made me nervous. At best, I tolerated the children of friends and family because it was necessary.

We enjoyed our first few years of marriage doing all the things that young married people do. We left on trips at the drop of a hat. We went out to movies at 10 o'clock at night. We stayed up late and slept in. We ate in restaurants that didn't give us coloring book menus. We went to work, came home and ate cereal for dinner if we wanted to.

But something began to change in my heart as I spent more and more time with Trevor. At first I couldn't quite put my finger on it, because I was so happy with our marriage that I couldn't figure out what was causing that little tug of dissatisfaction. As time went on, I recognized it for what it was. I was still not sold on the idea of other children, but I wanted to have children with Trevor and so Nathan was born. All 9 lbs, 13 oz of him.

To say that having a child is a life-changing experience doesn't even begin to scratch the surface, and if you are a parent you are smiling and nodding your head. Unplanned trips were replaced with frantic errands for more diapers and formula. Those late night movies? Only if you mean the glow of the television at 2am during a feeding. The staying up late didn't change, but the sleeping in became a thing of the past. We started asking for high chairs in restaurants and scheduling our meals around when Nathan would be hungry.

But the thing that changed my life in the most profound way was watching my husband become a father. He gained the title of father the day that Nathan was born, but he became a father in small bits over the course of that first year. It showed me a side of Trevor that was the perfect complement to the loving husband I knew him to be. There is nothing more attractive to me than the sight of my husband holding my children, and knowing that he loves them just as much as I do. I had the joy of watching him grow as a human being, learning patience and self-sacrifice.

And just as we thought we had the whole parenting thing down (hah!), along came the little 6 lb, 8 oz pink bundle that was Gracie. If you ever want to see a man more tender and gentle, present him with a tiny baby girl to hold. Whereas Nathan had taught Trevor the basics of fatherhood, Gracie rounded him out in ways that only a little girl could. His protective nature became more fully developed and he always seemed to hold her a little more gently than he had held his firstborn.

As I sit here today and think of all the ways God has blessed me over the years, Trevor comes to my mind first. Not only because he is a Godly husband to me and makes me feel cherished, loved and protected but because God created him to be the perfect father for our children. There is no one on this earth who could be a more effective, loving father to my children and I thank God every day for him. He leads us all in a direction that is pleasing to God, and he is steadfast in his love and commitment to us. He sacrifices his time, energy and resources so that we might have a better life, and he always does it without complaint.

He is the father of my children. He is the love of my life. He is everything to me.

Happy Father's Day, Trevor.

First Year

2010-06-12T07:14:00.001-05:00

I find it hard to believe that it's already summer time. With the beginning of a new season comes the anniversary of our move from Houston to Tulsa, which makes it all the harder to believe that an entire year has already flown by. Was it really a year ago that I was worrying about making new friends, concerned about how the kids would adjust to a new town and wondering if we would find our little niche?

God had a plan for our little family, and He has been faithful to provide all the things we need in our new environment. We have wonderful friends through church and work, and the kids are surrounded with children on our block who love to come over and play with them. Both Nathan and Grace had good experiences at school, and made friendships that will carry over into the coming years. Nathan turned nine, and Grace turned six this year and we got just a little bit more sleep on Saturday mornings!

We still haven't sold the house in Texas, but we continue to trust that God has His hand on that situation and when it's time to sell it will sell to the right buyers. It's not been easy paying the equivalent of two mortgages, but He has provided for us over and over again. We still haven't actually seen a tornado, but if there was ever a place on earth with more unpredictable weather than the Gulf Coast, it's Oklahoma! It's been a wild ride of snow, ice, thunder and hail storms throughout the year, but we've escaped any damage and injury thus far. The dry climate is a refreshing change, and so are the cooler temperatures for most of the year so we'll take the tumultuous weather over high humidity and never ending heat, thank you very much.

As I sit here in the silence of Saturday morning, sipping my coffee and reflecting on the last year, it's seems too quiet in the house. Nathan and Grace are both in Louisiana with Mama and Daddy until next Thursday. They left Tuesday morning, and from all accounts are having a ball with Nannie and Papa. They finally got to meet their cousin Travis and see Aunt Rose, which led to a really funny exchange between Grace and Amber. It was time for Travis to nurse, so Amber took him into the study for a little privacy (mostly from Nathan), and began to nurse. Gracie wanted to see what Aunt Rose was doing in the darkened room, so she went in to investigate. Apparently, she looked on with some horror and then asked, "What is that in his mouth???" Amber went on to explain in simple terms that Travis was drinking milk and that's how she fed him. Mama came in behind and offered an explanation about cows (since she had seen a cow milked last year at school), and then told her that human mommies make milk the same way. Gracie just took one more look at the scene before her and pronounced the entire process "weird" and walked away.

I was supposed to fly out to Denver last night, but the tornadoes touching down around the Denver airport made the airlines understandably nervous about actually landing there, so my flight was delayed for 4 hours before I finally just rescheduled it for this morning. I couldn't see dragging Courtney and Jack all the way out to the airport to pick me up at midnight, so I'll fly out at 9:15am today. Hopefully everything will go smoothly and I'll get there on time this morning. I'm really excited about seeing Courtney and Jack, but a little sad as well since my purpose in visiting is to help her unpack her new apartment that she now lives in without her husband Chris, and offer some moral support. They recently separated, and when I heard the news a few weeks ago all I could think of was getting to her. Unfortunately, this is the soonest I was able to get a flight and arrange time off from work, but I can't wait to see her and hug her neck and to play with Jack.

It feels a little strange to be posting to my blog since it has been sitting idle for so many months, but I've had a serious case of writer's apathy block, and haven't been able to muster up the desire to write at all except for short updates on Facebook. I'm feeling more like writing, so maybe this will be a new beginning and I'll feel like posting more often.

Christian Faith: Calvinism is Back

2010-03-30T16:19:00.001-05:00

Here is a great article on Reformed Theology and the impact that it is having on churches around the country. If you click on the link to see the slideshow, the first picture has a man crouched down helping a little boy with his jacket. That's my brother Patrick and my nephew Benjamin. They attend Capitol Hill Baptist Church in DC.

Christian faith: Calvinism is back / The Christian Science Monitor - CSMonitor.com

New Arrival

2010-02-23T09:02:00.000-06:00

My nephew, Travis Cole, was born this morning! He was 6lbs, 6 oz and 18 inches long. Amber and Travis are doing just fine, and should be released from the hospital Thursday, which is just in time for my visit to Louisiana Friday for a long weekend! I can't wait to meet him in person!!

Blind-Sighted

2010-02-22T20:58:00.001-06:00

My friend Stephanie sent this to me in an email today, and she gave me permission to post it here. We attend the same Sunday school class, and our teacher revealed a very important truth last week. It was something that I had never really thought about, and I thought that Stephanie put it perfectly.

Blind-Sighted

I often say that those who truly grasp the magnitude of what Christ did on the cross, cannot help but impulsively respond with a lifetime of overwhelming awe, gratitude, and praise. I thought I truly grasped the magnitude of what Christ did... until today when the Good Teacher used a good teacher to open my eyes to something that pierced my heart to the very core. I wanted to share it with you ... that you too might grasp the magnitude of what Christ did, if you haven't already, and if this is old news to you, that you might share my joy with fresh eyes and be reminded of the beauty of the work of Christ.

It was like I knew what 2 was, and I knew what 3 was, but I didn't put together that 2+3=5. Before today I knew that before Jesus was taken by the Roman soldiers, He prayed to the Father to "take this cup from Me, nevertheless not what I will, but what You will" I knew that He was burdened about what was getting ready to happen to him to the very point of sweating drops of blood. I also knew that on the cross Jesus bore the wrath of God for every sin of those who trust Him ... past, present and future.

However, I always thought it was the process of being crucified that Jesus was "scared" about in the garden, and asking God to take from him.... which would be completely understandable. Jesus, in his human body felt every ounce of pain that was inflicted upon him. We see beautiful portaits of Jesus hanging on the cross that do the horrific death by crucifixion no justice at all. He was beaten UNRECOGNIZABLE. His face was badly bruised and swollen, his flesh and muscles and tendons were dangling from his body in places. His death was slow, agonizing, and torturous. We have no concept or point of reference to begin to even fathom the truthful reality of the suffering. And to top it all off, those who participated in crucifying Him HATED Him. They enjoyed seeing Him suffer... and all of his friends deserted Him.

You know, we have it so good. We start out separated from God, so if He never sees fit to bring us to faith, it's almost like we don't know what we're missing. Once we have been brought to faith, He promises nothing will ever separate us from His love... JESUS on the other hand, is co-eternal with the Father and the Spirit. There was NEVER a point, NEVER, not even in his humanness that He wasn't enjoying full intimate communion with God... But the wages of sin is death and what is death but separation from God? What I did not grasp until today is that when Jesus bore the wrath of God on behalf of sinners, that He was SEPARATED from God for the first time in all eternity. Somehow I did not realize that God wasn't still with Jesus, helping him "get through it". In the garden, knowing full well ALL of what was getting ready to happen, Jesus understood that being separated from the God for ANY amount of time, even for a split second, was FAR WORSE than all the mockery, horrific suffering, and human desertion he would endure in his last moments. Being deserted by God is the cup that Jesus was asking God to take from Him, what He was burdened by to the point of sweating blood. If you read the accounts in the gospels, you find that through all of the torture, Jesus kept silent. He never cried out in pain, never cursed his murderers. It wasn't until he felt the impact of being separated from God by our sin that He cried out in a loud voice, "MY GOD, MY GOD, WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"

But it's what had to happen in order to justify loving little old ME, some sinner going on with my daily routine 2000 years later in Oklahoma, USA, North America, World, Universe. How else could I respond but a spend a lifetime in praise and gratitude and bible research, satisfying my curiosity of this Jesus that would do such a thing for someone like me? Guess you could say God blind-sided my blind-sightedness today. I can only pray I'll never be the same for it.

Finally!!!

2010-02-07T20:51:00.000-06:00

WHO DAT!!!!!!!

Gender Confusion

2010-01-30T09:43:00.001-06:00

I was in Gracie's bedroom the other day, and she wanted to show me something she had drawn on her chalkboard. There were two words written there, one in blue (boys) and one in pink (girls). She told me that the sign was meant to show who could come in her room. I laughed and said that she was giving permission for everyone to come in if both boys and girls were listed.

Gracie looked at me like I was crazy and told me no. I tried to explain that everyone is either a boy or a girl which meant that everyone could come in her room. If she was old enough to understand the art of eye rolling and deep sighs I would have gotten both from her. She said very patiently, as though I was slightly mentally inpaired:

"Not Grandpa, because he's a grandpa and not Daddy because he's a Daddy."

I guess that makes sense because until just recently she thought that the term human meant adults and that children weren't included in that group. As in, "They weren't humans Mommy, they were kids!" What will she think of next?

The Talk

2010-01-18T19:00:00.001-06:00

So Nathan is almost nine years old now, and Trevor and I felt like it was time to sit him down and give him the "talk". He's had books for several years now showing the male and female reproductive systems in full color detail, and he's known for a long time that he and Grace don't have the same anatomy. In the past, he's never made the connection that the sperm had to get to the egg, he just knew that it happened and that's how a baby was made.

But he's recently asked the definition of some words that he's heard on the bus, and mentioned a few things in passing that made us feel like it was time to explain things a little further. I was in third grade when Mama sat me down with the color plates in the Encyclopedia Britannica and revealed the mysteries of reproduction. Well, she revealed and I promptly forgot most of the details.

Anyway, Trevor sat him down today with his science book and the Bible and explained it all. Nathan finally made the connection between the egg and the sperm, and with a confused look asked, "But how does this get to this?" When Trevor told him, his only response was "gross". Trevor said that he went slowly and gave as much information as he thought Nathan could handle, and no more. He said that Nathan was clearly not ready to discuss temptation and the pleasure associated with sex, but made sure that Nathan knew he could always talk to him if he had any questions. They also read a few passages in scripture to reinforce the sanctity of marriage and the importance of waiting for that covenant relationship.

I think that Nathan has plenty to think about (with strict instructions to not discuss any of this with his friends at school), and that Trevor has paved the way to an open and lasting dialogue with our son regarding a subject that is all too often taboo between parents and children. Our hope is that by allowing him to openly ask questions without embarrassment and establishing our authority in this area, that he will be less apt to give in to temptation when he gets older.

Christmas Revisted

2010-01-15T20:57:00.010-06:00

I am typing this post on my brand new Christmas present from Trevor. I have to give him kudos this year, because we are notorious for not saving our gifts for Christmas morning. As soon as they come in the mail or make it into the house, we open them. Clearly we don't stand on ceremony when it comes to exchanging gifts with one another. Half the time we just decide on a price limit and then purchase our own gifts.

So needless to say, Christmas is not usually a surprise for either of us and we are perfectly happy with our system. We get our thrills from watching the kids open their gifts. So imagine my surprise when all of the Christmas paper was strewn about the living room floor and things were settling down, and Trevor put a gift in my lap. I ripped it open and discovered computer software. Trevor said in a disappointed voice, "What is that???" (We had most of our gifts shipped to my mom to avoid having to pack them for the trip down, and she wrapped them for us) It was software for a Mac, and we have PCs. He said, "This was supposed to be photo editing software for you! I guess they sent the wrong thing."

I immediately started thinking about how we could send it back to Amazon for an exchange, when he put another box in my lap and said, "I'll guess we'll just have to load it on this!"

That's right...my sweet husband bought me a MacBook Pro! Ever since I got my iPhone, I've been convinced of Apple's complete and total superiority and have wanted to get a Mac. They were pretty much out of our price range, so I would just gaze wistfully at them when we went to Best Buy and satisfy myself with that. I guess Trevor saw how much I wanted one, and made it happen for me. As Trevor predicted, I ignored the family for the rest of the day as I played on my new computer!

Although it's been a little difficult to navigate after using a PC for 20 years I am catching on and finally learning how to use it more effectively. Bar none the best Christmas present I've ever received from Trevor. I guess I have some big shoes to fill next Christmas!

It Never Really Goes Away

2010-01-15T20:40:00.004-06:00

I dreamed of Gramps the other night. It's been a long time since I've felt the unexpected grief that surfaces at odd moments, catching me by surprise by it's intensity. He's been gone for over 3 years now, and I still miss him. In my dream, I was a child again and we were visiting Granny and Gramps. We were all sitting around the kitchen visiting and having a good time with Granny, when Gramps suddenly walked into the room as though he had never been gone even one day, and I ran into his arms for a hug. I could smell his familiar scent in my dream and feel his strong arms around me once again.

That was all there was to the dream, but the pain upon waking was momentarily as fresh as the day we buried him. It was as if I had gotten him back for a moment, and then he was snatched away in the blink of an eye.

Later, I realized that although waking from the dream had been difficult, I had him in the forefront of my mind all day. Memories of his voice booming out across the house or the yard, laughing as he counted my ribs, and more adult memories of theological discussions and listening to gospel music. I think that's how grief is supposed to work. It never goes away, and is always lurking just below the surface but it makes us remember. It gives us a little push every once in a while to recall all the things we loved about the person we lost. It mellows as time goes on, but I think it's a good thing that we never quite lose it.

I want to remember, and more importantly I want to look forward to the day that I will see him again.

Finally Home

2009-12-22T08:44:00.005-06:00

Home (n.) An environment offering security and happiness; a valued place regarded as a refuge or place of origin.

I'm finally home. Not of the eternal variety, but the closest I can get while still constrained by this earthly body. And this earthly body is completely enjoying all the good food and even better company of my family.

We left Oklahoma Friday evening around 6:30 pm and arrived in Louisiana at 5:30 am, waking most of the house and doing our best to stretch our stiff legs after the 11 hour journey. The kids slept for a good bit of the trip and were ready to play, but Trevor and went to bed for a few hours. In retrospect, I think that we do the overnight thing again. Trevor and I just exhausted ourselves and the kids were too excited to sleep until after midnight at the prospect of going to Nannie and Papa's house so they didn't really benefit the way we had hoped.

The first few days of our visit have not gone exactly according to plan, because Nathan came down with one of his viral fevers (which is gone now and he's feeling much better) and what I thought was allergies turned out to be an upper respiratory infection. But a steroid shot, a Z-pack, a prescription for Allegra and a smallish bottle of codeine cough syrup later, I am feeling like a million bucks.

Ronna, Aunt Gail and I threw Amber a family baby shower, and she received so many nice things for baby Travis. It was good to see some of the extended family that we don't normally get to visit with when we visit, and Ronna gave a beautiful short devotional on the importance of putting God first, then her husband and finally her children. It was a good reminder for all of us that God has purposed this order for our good, and that our family life is far more pleasant and God honoring when we remember it.

It was halfway through the shower that I realized that my "allergies" were not allergies and I left the shower without helping with cleanup and went directly to bed. I slept for pretty much the rest of the afternoon and the next day until my doctors appointment, where I received the awesome arsenal of drugs that brought me back to my normal state.

We had Mama's surprise 60th birthday party last night, combined with Patrick's 40th birthday at a really cool restaurant called Tapitini's in Covington. The food was really good, and we had fun eating (of course) and visiting with everyone. Mama received a notebook written by Gramps in his hand detailing memories from his childhood and life, which was a priceless gift. Granny put a condition on the gift that Mama had to make copies for the rest of the family.

So I'm sitting here now (feeling 100% better) and enjoying a leisurely morning with the family, drinking coffee and watching Star Trek. We have nothing planned for today except going to visit the Grannies and a little shopping. Mama spent the weeks preceding our visit preparing and freezing most of the main meals, so we don't have to spend half of our day cooking for such a large group of people. We just pull it out in the morning to defrost and then heat it in the evening. It's been really wonderful to enjoy the tasty food without having to prepare it!

I'm looking forward to a day with no boundaries and the promise of more good company and remembering when.

It Was Bound to Happen

2009-12-10T20:36:00.004-06:00

I received a phone call from the school nurse this morning around 9:30am. Nathan was in her office, and the following is the conversation that ensued:

Nurse: What's the matter Nathan?

Nathan: My tongue hurts.

Nurse: Well, let me see. Hmmmm, it looks really red and blistered. What happened?

Nathan: Well, I had a little bit of trouble with the mailbox.

That's right. But instead of a flagpole like in A Christmas Story, it was a mailbox. Nathan was dared to stick his tongue on it, and he did. Being from such a warm climate, it never occurred to me that I should instruct him on the do's and don'ts of winter living. His poor tongue has seen better days, but I'll bet cash money that it never touches another frozen object again!

Just as an aside, this is my 500th post. It feels like a milestone of some sort, but of what kind I'm not sure. The real news is that I'm still blogging after all this time! I tend to get really excited about new projects and then get bored with them fairly easily. (Hmmm...I wonder if that's where Grace gets it from?) But blogging never seems to lose it's attraction for me. I may go through dry spells and only post a few times a month, but then I'll write for several days at a time. It's like a comfortable pair of jeans that always feel good, even when it's been a while since you've worn them.

So here's to 500 posts and to winter lessons learned!

Giving Thanks Challenge Wrap Up

2009-11-30T18:40:00.002-06:00

I'm finding it hard to believe that another November has come and gone, but here we are. The leftovers are gone and the Christmas decorations are up. I am eagerly anticipating the Christmas season this year, because we are going home to see family and there is nothing better than family during this time of year. But before I wrap up another Thanksgiving season, I want to reflect on all the things that I recorded daily in the Giving Thanks Challenge that was hosted by Leah at South Breeze Farm.

This was my third year to participate, and it served as a reminder of all the ways that God has blessed me. I so often cry out to Him in pain, frustration and fear, on my knees begging for mercy and for the things I think I need. I'm quick to intercede for my family and friends, praying for healing, grace and comfort but I all too often forget to thank Him for His daily mercies. The rising of the sun. The health of my children. The roof over my head.

If my prayer life was what it should be, I would spend my days in joyful thanksgiving for the pleasure and the pain in my life. Thankfulness would not be an afterthought, but the focus of my conversations with Him. So here is my list from this November, and I hope that seeing all that I have to be thankful for will inspire you to count your blessings as well.

1. New beginnings
2. The opportunity to work
3. The ability to play the piano
4. My job interview
5. Quiet days off
6. A pantry full of food.
7. My brother-in-law David
8. Readily available cold medicine
9. My church family
10. Bedtime stories
11. Our veterans
12. Thursday night television
13. My Kindle
14. Weekends
15. Our warm, dry house
16. Guitar Hero
17. Impromptu dinner with friends
18. Pumpkin bread
19. Beef stew
20. My family
21. A clean house
22. Frequent flyer miles
23. Joy in death
24. Homecomings
25. Cooking with my mom
26. Christmas decorations
27. Singing around the piano
28. Fresh garland
29. My Sunday school class
30. My salvation in Christ

It Was Totally Worth All the Prep

2009-11-28T07:56:00.006-06:00

The worst thing about moving so far away from family, is moving so far away from family. Every milestone, birthday and holiday leaves us wishing that we lived closer to them, in spite of the fact that we have made such good friends here. So when I discovered that Mama and Daddy were planning to drive up for Thanksgiving this year I was understandably excited. It just got better when she called a few days later to tell me that they were bringing Granny Traylor with them.

Since we had to leave town unexpectedly for the funeral in the days preceding their visit, I made sure that the refrigerator was stocked and the house was spotless before I flew down to Texas. There are few things that I love more than coming home to a perfectly clean house, and I knew that I would have enough to do without cleaning when I got home. We flew home Tuesday, and I hit the ground running when we landed. I rushed to get all the clothes from the trip washed, dried and put away and I made a last minute trip to the grocery store for things like eggs, ice cream and additional drinks. My good friend Tracy kept the kids for us while we were out of town, and went the extra mile and left a delicious meal in the crock pot for us, so we were greeted with an appetizing aroma when we arrived home and I didn't have to cook dinner.

I made sure that my dad had plenty of his favorite snacks and that we had a surplus of k-cups for the coffee maker. Having a one cup at a time maker is really handy when guests are in the house, because essentially there is always a fresh pot of coffee available, as well as instant hot water for tea and hot chocolate. I did a last minute check of the bedrooms, turned on the porch light and then we waited. When the headlights finally turned into our driveway, the kids bolted out to the car to bestow hugs and kisses. There was a flurry of greetings and laughter as they made their way into the house, and then we spent the evening catching up and watching Star Trek.

The next day was spent preparing for the Thanksgiving meal and making food for the get together we were planning for Friday. By the time Wednesday evening rolled around, I was exhausted from standing in the kitchen, but it was well worth the time spent when we sat down Thursday to a beautiful meal and gave thanks for our many blessings. As I watched the faces of my family around the table, I gave silent thanks for each one of them. As we say in the South, these are my people. The ones for which I would give up my very life. The ones that I love.

As soon as the dishes were washed and put away, Mama and I began decorating for Christmas. We got the tree up and the kids decorated most of it, while we hung garland and draped lights. After the decorating was completed and the leftovers had been pulled out, we went for a drive to see the Christmas lights in Tulsa. They were really beautiful and well worth the drive.

I had to work Friday, but as soon as got home I began preparing for the arrival of our friends Paul and Tracy with their family for an evening of food and singing. I baked a quick loaf of banana nut bread, and began pulling out all of the snacks and food I had prepared beforehand. Mama and I set the buffet and put the finishing touches on everything just as they arrived. We invited Paul's mom Ann as well, and enjoyed our time together as we ate and my family got to know our new friends.

After we were finished with the first round of eating, we all grabbed hymnals and began calling out songs that we wanted to sing. Mama played the piano, and we sang until our voices needed and break and we began round two of eating and drinking. After we were rested, we sang again and finished up the evening with Christmas carols. It was a blessing to hear the voices of my family and my friends blending together in praise to God and in thanksgiving for all with which we have been blessed.

We were sad to see the evening come to an end, but made promises to do it again the next time we were together. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect Thanksgiving.

A Different Kind of Thanksgiving

2009-11-21T21:03:00.007-06:00

Tonight, Trevor and I are preparing for a trip to Texas. The last time we made this trip together, we were newlyweds and it was our first Thanksgiving together. We drove down to the valley to a little town called Weslaco to spend the holiday with his paternal grandmother. I had never met her because at the time of our wedding, she was sick and unable to make the 7 hour trip, so I was excited about meeting the matriarch of his father's family. His grandfather passed away when he was a child, and Grandma was the one who was a pillar for the six men she called her sons.

I sat at her kitchen table and visited with her, still slightly in awe of this little Czech lady. We talked about quilting, and she showed me a pattern that in the coming months I worked on, hoping to complete the quilt and impress her with my sewing skills. I witnessed the freezer full of homemade kolaches she had on hand to serve to visitors and to send home with family. I walked under the beautiful pecan tree that dominated the backyard, and picked the nuts up off the ground to be shelled later.

Trevor and I were inducted into a very exclusive club on that trip. As the most recently married couple, we had the honor of sleeping in the "pink room", where one of Grandma's prized yo-yo quilts adorned the bed. His parents slept in a large room with Grandma, but we were afforded the privacy of our own room. Apparently this was a tradition that had been going on for many years, and I felt thrilled to be part of a family ritual.

I was introduced to a country store called Prasek's, and the heaven on earth that is their beef jerky. We went across the border to Mexico so we could shop and enjoy our time together. The entire trip was full of firsts for me, and I was made to feel like part of the family.

But this trip is for an entirely different reason as we make our way south one last time to pay our respects to a beautiful soul who lived a long and fulfilling life. She was married to the love of her life, had six sons who went on to provide her with the blessing of daughters, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. When she passed away Friday morning, she left behind many who love her and who will never forget all the things that made her special to us. She was a player of Canasta, a drinker of highballs, and a lover of God. Our lives will not be the same without her, and although she is not with us this Thanksgiving, I'm giving thanks for her all the same.

I Then Shall Live

2009-11-19T13:37:00.002-06:00

I heard this song today, and it really touched my heart. So many of the things that I hold dear about my salvation and my God are summed up in these verses. I am forgiven therefore I forgive; I obey the law of love through Christ; I will be compassionate and relational so that I can see beyond myself; I want to Christ to be glorified through me and to share Him with the world.

Even if you don't have time to watch the video of the Gaither Vocal Band and Ernie Haase and Signature Sound performing it, read the words with a prayer on your lips. I promise you will be blessed.

I then shall live as one who's been forgiven.
I'll walk with joy to know my debts are paid.
I know my name is clear before my Father;
I am His child and I am not afraid.
So, greatly pardoned, I'll forgive my brother;
The law of love I gladly will obey.

I then shall live as one who's learned compassion.
I've been so loved, that I'll risk loving too.
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges;
I'll dare to see another's point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I'll be there to care and follow through.

Your Kingdom come around and through and in me;
Your power and glory, let them shine through me.
Your Hallowed Name, O may I bear with honor,
And may Your living Kingdom come in me.
The Bread of Life, O may I share with honor,
And may You feed a hungry world through me.

Amen, Amen, Amen

A New Way to Shop

2009-11-15T13:50:00.004-06:00

I was driving Gracie to a birthday party Saturday morning, and I realized that she had no idea what I had purchased as a gift. I told her that I went shopping last week and bought a Play-Dough Magic Swirl Ice Cream Shoppe for her friend. Gracie loves hers, and I figured it would be a hit.

There was a short pause, and Gracie asked in a slightly suspicious tone:

"Did you go shopping at the store or in my room?"

Well, I never thought of just shopping in her room! I'll have to remember that next time we need a gift!

Plans

2009-11-09T07:52:00.006-06:00

When you join a new community, the first year or so is spent discovering the traditions and activities that are specific to that area. This encompasses a wide variety of events, and it takes time to figure out which things are important (or interesting) enough to attend and which things are not. It's usually most apparent around major holidays when you begin to wonder, "Is there a fall festival/Easter egg hunt/Christmas tree lighting ceremony/(fill in the blank) around here?"

There have been several events that I have heard about just a little too late, but was assured that I would have an opportunity to attend next year. It's all a part of the learning curve in a new town, and by this time next year we will be part of all the festivities.

Our new church has so many opportunities for fellowship and outreach, and I've been blessed to be included in some of them. I've met some of the most amazing men and women who have hearts for Christ and who genuinely lead lives that strive to be pleasing to Him. It's a great encouragement to me as a wife, mother and as someone who is only saved by the grace of God. I am building relationships with like-minded Christians, but at the same time am encouraged to take that energy and love out into our community and share the gospel. It's a good balance of being accountable and relational with other believers without living in a bubble in our church.

Our church purpose statement is to "Follow Christ, Love God, Love Others and Serve the World" and we don't take that lightly. We get out nourishment from frequent contact with fellow believers, and solid Biblical teaching from the pulpit, but we understand that being a Christ-follower is more that just sitting in church on Sunday and Wednesday. It's a life filled with service to others, especially those who have not come to know Christ in a personal way. It's a life marked by making ourselves small so that God's glory can be seen more clearly. It's a life made of daily sacrifices so that we might bring glory and honor to Him. It's a life that truly believes that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

I want to live that life more fully, and I can't think of a better place to grow and be fed than at Bethel Baptist Church. I thank God daily that He led Trevor and me to this place of worship before we even moved to the area, because He already knew the plans He had for us. Plans to prosper us and not harm us. Plans to give us a hope and a future. Plans that are revealed daily to cause us to praise Him for His providence and grace towards us.

In spite of our inner turmoil about jobs, money and selling our house He is always steadfast and true. He is the rock that we cling to when the world seems to be spinning out of control.

He is always faithful.

AWANA Grand Prix 2009

2009-11-09T07:00:00.010-06:00

We had such a wonderful time last night at our church's annual AWANA Grand Prix! We had never made pine wood cars before, and there were some really awesome designs at the event. After seeing all of the cars, Trevor had some really good ideas for how we can help the kids make their cars better next year.

When we first heard about the Grand Prix, we were sort of lukewarm about the whole thing. Then the kids started making and painting the cars, and I got a little more excited. When we arrived last night in the gym, I was not expecting the incredible turnout and energy in that place! It was so awesome to see the church turn out to support the kids and to just have a great time together.

Neither Nathan or Grace won any of the heats they were in, but still had a good time watching the races and gorging themselves on hot dogs, popcorn and lemonade. On the way home, we were already plotting car design and paint schemes for next year. This was just one more reason that I love our new church!

Halloween 2009

2009-11-05T08:40:00.003-06:00

I know that this is a few days late, but here are the pictures of the kids this Halloween. We had their costumes all worked out weeks before the big day, and they were both excited about them. My mom bought Gracie's entire costume and brought it with her when she came to visit and Nathan has been talking all year about being a clone trooper from Star Wars. When we discovered that our church was doing a western themed fall festival, I knew that the kids would stick out like a sore thumb if they wore these costumes.

Our solution was to take them trick-or-treating in our neighborhood first, and then we came home for a costume change (basically plaid shirts, jeans and bandannas) before heading off to the festival. We were in such a hurry to get changed and out the door that I completely forgot to get pictures of them in their cowboy gear, but they were really cute.

Torn

2009-11-03T19:19:00.005-06:00

I have been praying for a really long time to have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, and be available for my children and my husband. Trevor and I have looked at the budget, discussed the topic ad nauseum and made some financial decisions that would point us down that road.

When we moved to the Tulsa area we knew that my staying home hinged on selling our house in Texas and paring back some of our debt. It also depended on my working full time hours through the summer and fall so that we could save most of my paycheck against the time when I would not be needed to work. We knew that the full time hours would come to an end once I was trained, but we planned for a huge chunk of savings to be built out of those hours worked.

Funny how things don't work out the way we plan them.

We still haven't sold the house in Dayton, and as a result, all of the money we would have saved has gone towards that mortgage and now we are in a bind because we still need my full time income to meet our bills. I have been living in a dream with my abbreviated hours at work and being able to be at home when the kids stepped off the school bus in the afternoons. I have been blessed with the ability to take time off when the kids are out of school and it's been wonderful.

But now, it seems the dream is over. Although I am keeping my ECB (emergency call back) position with my current employer, I am now in need of a full time position. The hospital where I work had a full time position available, but I kept hoping the house would sell and I kept delaying making a move to apply and the position was filled. I put my name in the hat at the last minute, but for whatever reason the staff did not want me to work full time and chose another candidate.

So here I am with no work until the hospital needs me again to cover vacations in a week or two. I'm not complaining because that's what I signed up for when I took this job, but I really need to be working. I found another full time position posted at another hospital and was contacted yesterday to come in for an interview tomorrow morning. Do I need this job? Absolutely. Do I want this job? Not really. What I really want is to stay home, but in this case the need outweighs the desire.

I'm torn, because I really feel like my current job was answered prayer in terms of being more available to my family. If I pursue this new job am I effectively telling God that I don't trust Him to handle our finances and provide for us, or am I pursuing an opportunity that God has opened up for me? It's times like this that I feel like I'm adrift in the sea of spiritual discernment and I don't have clue which way to go. What is the right decision when both make sense?

$4 Project for the IMB

2009-11-02T15:42:00.009-06:00

I posted recently about the International Mission Board's $32 million deficit this year. The IMB is such an important part of modern day evangelism, and I am asking all of my blogger friends to grab this button from my sidebar and post it on your blog and/or Facebook wall so that we can reach as many people as possible by November 22.

Even if you are not affiliated with a church that supports the IMB, I would love it if you would post the button or a link to http://www.only4dollars.blogspot.com/ so that others who would like to participate will be aware of the special offering on November 22.

I'm Giving Thanks

2009-11-01T07:41:00.002-06:00

Here we are again at the beginning of November, eagerly anticipating the holidays and looking with not a small amount of horror at how quickly the past year has flown by. For the past few years I have participated in a challenge hosted by Leah at South Breeze Farm that has been such a reality check for me. The idea is to create a list in your sidebar, and each day add a new thing that you thankful for throughout the month of November.

It's amazing how easy it is to see your blessings when you take a minute to think about it. From the small to the large, everyone has something for which they can be thankful. I posted my lists here and here from previous years if you are interested, and I hope that you will go to Leah's blog, grab the button and jump in feet first with a thankful heart!

For all of you Facebookers, this works for you too. Just update your status each day with something for which you are thankful. God has blessed me so richly that my heart overflows with thanksgiving for who He is, and for what He has done for me!

They Make Me Laugh

2009-10-25T12:57:00.008-05:00

We've spent this weekend just being together and relaxing at the house. We had my mom in town last weekend for a much needed visit, and the kids started back to school after the fall break so it's been nice taking it easy. I haven't seen my mom since June and I'm pretty sure that's the longest I've gone without seeing her since 1998 when we lived in Carlsbad, NM. It was fun going shopping and catching up with her.

She was here during fall break, so I took advantage of her being here and scheduled an appointment for Nathan to have a check up at the pediatrician for his ADHD, knowing that Mama would stay home with Grace. I took him Thursday and after the nurse weighed him and checked his height, he needed to go to the bathroom. I waited outside the door for him so I could show him to the correct exam room. As he opened the door, I realized that I had not heard either one of the following:

a toilet flushing
water running in the sink

I think my exact words were, "Seriously son? You didn't flush OR wash your hands?", but we'll just say for the sake of argument that I gently reminded him to return to the bathroom and finish up properly. He turned to me and said, "But the sign says not to." I followed him into the bathroom and he pointed to the sign and read, "Please do not flush tampons." I almost choked as I tried to hold in my laughter, because not only was the situation funny, but he mispronounced it as tam-puns. I just told him to go ahead and wash his hands and I would flush for him.

The very next day I brought Gracie in to the doctor because of a cough she had been fighting for a few weeks, and she had her chance to make me choke back my laughter. The nurse had finished taking her vitals and recording it all in the computer, and she was leaving the room to get the doctor. Gracie called out, "Excuse me. Could you please tell the doctor that I don't need any shots?" The nurse and I just looked at each other, our laughter threatening to burst out as she promised to tell the MD.

It turns out that she had a sinus infection that required an antibiotic, but no shots.

The laughs? They just keep on coming here at the crazy house.

We also went up to Skiatook Lake the Sunday before Mama left to see the changing leaves and to let the kids get in some tree climbing time. It was just beautiful and we had a great time walking around and enjoying the view. When I see such beauty in nature I can't help but see God in creation. How can anyone see the leaves change, the stillness of a lake or the grandeur of the mountains and not see God? The Bible says we can't.

The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.
Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.

There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.

Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,
which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.
Psalm 19:1-6

The next time you see a sunset or a stunning vista, or just the simple beauty of rain falling on your yard, thank God for His providence and for showing His glory to us every day.

Life As We Know It

2009-10-10T08:26:00.007-05:00

The shortcut icon on my homepage that leads to my blog has been glaring at me for days now. Click me! Click me! Be creative and witty! Record your life! Update your family and friends!

Hmmm.

I would briefly consider it and then click on the icon for Facebook and then forget all about the fact that actually have a blog and that I used to love visiting it every day. Then I would catch up there and click on over to check the news (Nobel Peace Prize??? Really?), then end up chasing links for an obscene length of time. (Google "where is Chuck Norris" and click "I'm feeling lucky"). All of this to say that a great deal has happened between now and the last time I posted, but I've basically wasted all my internet time doing other stuff.

Despite moments of homesickness, I am really beginning to feel like this is my real life. My job is going well, and I'm more at ease with the people there. I don't feel like an outsider looking in anymore, although I still miss my old friends at Northeast. We are involved in our church with Awanas, children's choir, adult choir and Sunday school. People are starting to look familiar and I can say hello to them by name instead of just vaguely waving at them and smiling. Facebook has actually helped with this since I am a tactile/visual learner and seeing their names next to a picture really helps me to remember them.

Trevor is very busy at work these days, and is increasingly more and more thankful for his short commute. He gets the kids off to school in the morning, and then is able to work until 5:30 and still be home before six. It really makes our days seem longer (in a good way), because we are not spending hours of it in our cars between work and home. I am here when the kids get home from school, and they have plenty of time to unwind, complete homework and play before it's time to start getting ready for bed.

Nathan is doing exceptionally well in third grade. He has straight As, and is making so many friends. He comes home from school each afternoon excited about his day, and eager to show me his work. His love of reading has really taken off in the last few months, and he is consuming books at an alarming rate. I need to make a trip to the bookstore and stock up for him so we won't run out. He has hundreds of books, but they are for the most part not chapter books, and that's what he wants to read. He's started reading the Harry Potter series, and blew through Charlie and the Chocolate Factory so I think it's time to expand our children's library!

Grace is having a harder time in school. This is the first time in her life that she is not surrounded by people that she knows, and it's clear from her behavior that she's uncomfortable. Her teacher reports that she doesn't seem to want to make friends, and that she pushes other children away. Her schoolwork is fine and she enjoys learning, but socially she is not behaving the way that she normally does. It's unusual, because Gracie is the one who normally jumps right in to whatever is going on and plays with whoever happens to be there. She has become prone to cry when things don't go her way, and she is much more sensitive to perceived offenses. We do see improvement at church, and are thankful for her teachers who continue to show her love when she is sometimes a little bit unlovable. We know that this will pass as she becomes more comfortable in her new environment.

I am over the top excited because Mama is coming to visit this Wednesday. The kids are on fall break next Thursday through Monday, and she decided to come up and see us while we had some time off. I can't remember the last time I went this long without seeing her, and I really miss her. We talk on the phone and occasionally Skype, but it's not the same as having her here. We plan to go home for Christmas, but I am glad for this interim visit. We don't really have any plans, but I'm sure it will involve doing something fun with the kids.

Amber had her 20 week ultrasound this past Monday and received the news that she and David are having a boy! His name is Travis Cole, and he is due on February 18. I am so excited to have a new nephew and although I did wish that Gracie would have a girl cousin, I am really happy for them. My hope is that we can spend all of spring break in Louisiana so I can spend some time with all of them!

So here we are on Saturday morning, enjoying the cool temperatures (it's 37--whoo hoo!), and looking forward to a weekend of rest and relaxation. I was home sick from work week before last with a killer sinus infection, and am exhausted from this past week back at work. The idea of doing nothing this weekend sounds just right to me!

Every Little Bit Counts!

2009-09-21T16:15:00.004-05:00

From the time that I was a little girl, I was taught about missions. I went to Mission Friends in preschool and Kindergarten, and then to GA's (Girls in Action) when I entered grade school. When I finally made it to Junior High, I was promoted to Acteens. I can't remember a time when I wasn't aware of foreign missions through the Southern Baptist Convention. The Lottie Moon Christmas offering was just part of going to my church.

But even with all of the teaching, activities and participating in mission projects as a child and young adult, I still feel like my money doesn't really make a difference. Over the years I stopped giving to missions, partially because I wasn't really plugged in to a church and partially because of the mistaken belief that the little bit I could give wouldn't make a difference. I mean, seriously. How much difference would my $20, $50 even $100 make in the grand scheme of things?

If I am completely honest with myself, I was selfish with my money. I could have afforded to give much more if had I planned ahead and sacrificed just a few of my superfluous weekly purchases. I could have done more. I can do more.

Because of people like me, the International Mission Board has a deficit of $32 million this year, and as a result are unable to send willing people into the mission field. There is a movement that is being started to take a collective offering on November 22 at local churches to overcome this deficit. If each member gives only four dollars, the IMB could continue it's work of spreading the gospel to the ends of the earth.

I am ashamed of my non-participation in the past. The church that we currently attend is very missions minded, and during our short time here I have been convicted of my responsibility to support mission work, foreign and domestic. It may not be in the cards for me to move my family to Indonesia or Kenya, but I can be a part of supporting those who are called to go.

Most importantly, every single dollar counts. Was the deficit caused because others like me felt like their small amount wouldn't matter anyway? If so, we can fix this problem! Get the word out to your local body of believers. If you would like more information, click here. Post this video and link on your blog, Facebook wall and web page. Join with me in giving $4 on November 22 and get the IMB back where they should be.

Let Them Be Little

2009-09-13T07:46:00.009-05:00

Today is the first Sunday after Labor Day. If you are a woman (or well-bred man for that matter) from the South, you know what this means. The white shoes have been polished, winterized and put away until Easter and the dark shoes come out of the closet for a season. No matter that it is still 90 degrees outside and you are still wearing summer dresses. No matter that the current fashion mavens say it's okay to wear white after Labor Day. We know better.

So, in the time honored tradition of my southern belle fore bearers, I went in search of black patent dress shoes for Grace yesterday. And I searched. And searched. And searched some more. I hit the usual places...Target, Walmart, Kohl's and Belks. I went to Shoe Carnival, Famous Footwear and Rack Room Shoes. I found a pair of ballet style shoes at Payless, but they weren't the dressy shoes I was looking for.

I think what disturbed me the most was the type of shoe that I was finding on the shelves for little girls. Now don't forget that Gracie is five years old. The shoes I was finding in her size were covered in sequins, sporting cheap flowers and/or being supported by a heel tall enough to make me uncomfortable. Then there were the strappy heels for preschoolers that were a pedophile's dream come true. I seem to have this problem every time I search for dress shoes.

I don't want my little girl to look like she's wearing footwear more suitable for a teenager or adult woman. I want her to look like she is five years old, because she is. I realize that I am not exactly the most fashion conscious person, and I'm okay with that. I don't usually like the new styles that come out for women. I'm more of a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl, with the occasional pair of dress Capri's and nice blouse thrown in for good measure. I typically wear dresses on Sunday morning to church, and never wear white after Labor Day or before Easter.

I'm a little old fashioned, but I think that is a good thing when it comes to children's clothing. When I finally found a pair of shoes at Dillard's, I was talking to the salesperson about my difficulty finding shoes. Our conversation turned to the types of dresses and clothing available for little girls these days, and we were in agreement that much of what is out there is entirely inappropriate for them. The skirts are too short and the shirts are too tight. As a matter of fact, I usually have to buy Gracie's t-shirts a size too big because they are intended to be skin tight.

Who wants to see a five year old child's body in skin tight clothes? For that matter, who wants to see a little girl in hoochie mama wedge flip flops (on which she is precariously balancing, trying not to break an ankle), short shorts and a halter top? Children are not little adults. They are children and we are taking away a bit of their childhood by dressing them that way.

So as I made my way home with my black patent leather shoes, I looked forward to seeing Gracie in her new shoes and sweet (age appropriate) linen dress. She's already growing up too fast...I'm not going to speed her along!

A Humorous Alternative

2009-08-30T13:28:00.004-05:00

We were sitting in church this morning, waiting for the service to start. Gracie was thumbing through her Bible, looking at the pictures and asking questions. She came across a picture of Adam and Eve being banished from the garden, with the angels and their burning swords barring re-entrance.

She asked me to read the story to her, and when I was finished we asked her why Adam and Eve had been banished. She said it was because they disobeyed God. Then, in true Grace fashion (and I'm sure based on her own experience with discipline associated with disobedience), she said,

"God could have just spanked them or something."

Hmmm. I wonder how that would have felt?

Morning Routine Interrupted

2009-08-28T07:32:00.006-05:00

When I woke up this morning, I was so glad that it was the end of the work week. Although I work an abbreviated schedule to be able to get home for the kids in the afternoon, my job is essentially unchanged. I look forward to Friday just like the next person. As I showered, I thought about the end of the day, and what we might do with the kids in the evening.

I got dressed and made it to the kitchen to begin making an egg sandwich and a fresh cup of coffee to go. Nathan was already at the table eating his cereal, and Trevor was shouting down the hall for Gracie to GET UP RIGHT NOW THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I'VE CALLED YOU WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?? This is pretty much our standard morning procedure around here. Nathan hops out of bed (actually he's often awake and playing in his room by the time I fall out of bed after the 8th snooze) and is ready to take on the world.

Grace? Well, she takes after her mother (and her grandfather, aunt and uncle) in that she needs to be awakened gently. Soft words and strokes on her back to bridge the gap between sleep and wakefulness. Low murmurs in her ear about getting up and reminders of what the day holds for her. If protocol is not strictly followed, we will have a cranky ~~bear~~ child roaming the halls unable to find her clothes or eat breakfast without spilling something.

That sort of procedure works great on the weekends when we have endless amounts of time to ~~waste~~ spend, but not so much during the week when everyone is trying to get out of the house on time. We do a sort of abbreviated version of the wake-up program, but the results are often less than satisfactory. For instance, she's not really cranky with the abbreviated version, but she is as slow as molasses in January. It requires a minimum of three reminders for every task set before her. Getting dressed. Brushing her teeth. Putting on her shoes. Eating her breakfast. Making her bed. It's painful really.

Anyway, it was no surprise that Gracie was not at the breakfast table with her brother, so I continued to cook my egg with one eye on the clock to be sure I wouldn't be late. Gracie finally came stumbling into the kitchen with Medusa hair and a sweet sleepy look on her face, and sat down at the table. I went back to her bedroom to lay out her clothes (Trevor lives in mortal fear of putting outfits together for her), and to retrieve her hairbrush and bow.

As I came into the kitchen, Trevor was leaning over her with the thermometer. She had a low-grade fever and said that her throat was burning. When Gracie complains of anything, I usually take it pretty seriously. This is the same child who had strep throat and a) never complained of any pain, and b) ate crackers in the doctors office as they told me that the strep had caused scarlet fever. She has a very high pain tolerance, so any time she admits to pain I listen.

So now I have the day off so I can take her to the doctor before the weekend gets started in case she needs a prescription for an antibiotic. Not an altogether unpleasant thought because I always enjoy time alone with Grace. As an added bonus, there is no vomiting involved with this illness so we'll get to spend the day watching girly princess movies and slurping down Popsicles.

Good times.

First Day of School

2009-08-19T09:17:00.011-05:00

Here we are. The first day of school in a new town. This is a new experience for me because up to this point, Nathan has attended school in my hometown. Did I mention it was a small town? So no matter who his teacher was, I knew them either directly or in a roundabout way. My mom taught school in the district for almost 30 years, so she knew many of the teachers and my mother in law works for the district as well, so there were never any surprises.

It was comfortable. It was well within my comfort zone. It was as natural as breathing to send him to the school where I once played on the monkey bars and chased friends under the trees. The classrooms still smelled exactly the same and the halls were like old friends welcoming me back. (Except that I felt like Andre the giant...were the desks really that small?)

Moving to Tulsa and anticipating a new school that was a total unknown was scary for me. I knew that Nathan would be missing his old friends, and that Gracie would be surrounded by strangers. I was afraid that they would not want to go into their classrooms and had visions of bullies picking on them and making them miserable.

The first inkling I had that everything was going to be all right was when Nathan's friend Savannah from next door came over to walk the kids down to the bus stop. She didn't have to do that. She could have just walked down alone, but she took the time to include Nathan and Grace. We thanked her for coming over, but told her that we were driving the kids to school today.

When we made it to school and down to Gracie's Kindergarten class, I barely had a chance to snap a picture of her with the teacher before she ran in the room without a second glance in our direction. She was completely at ease and ready to start her day. It was bittersweet because for a fleeting moment I wished for a tear or at least a clinging hug, but then I came to my senses and was ecstatic that she was so well-adjusted.

It was time to walk with Nathan to his third grade class and strangely enough, that's when I got a little teary. He walked well ahead of us with a purpose. He knew where his classroom was, and he was excited to get there. He didn't need (or want) to hold a hand, and he looked so big. The lump in my throat went away when I snapped a picture of him with his teacher and he waved goodbye.

As Trevor and I walked out of the building together, I realized that we had just begun another season in our lives. Both children are in school now, and they are growing up more quickly that I like to think about. Time marches on and there is nothing we can do to stop it, so it's better to just embrace the moments as they come and thank God for the blessings that we have been given.

Conversations From the Backseat

2009-08-01T07:16:00.003-05:00

I was driving home with the kids the other day, and we passed a large truck with animals in the back. The following conversation ensued:

Nathan: Hey! That truck had animals in the back! (Brief pause) I wonder where they're going? (Another pause) I'll bet they're going to the pound.

Grace: What's the pound?

Nathan: It's where if people don't want to buy the animals they kill them.

Xandra: (Stifling laughter and trying not to interrupt)

Grace: That's not very nice.

Nathan: (Earnestly) It's okay. It doesn't hurt them. They just give them a shot and then they fall asleep forever.

Xandra: (Still trying not the interrupt but just about to have an aneurysm from holding in the laughter)

Grace: (After a loonngggg pause and then quite sadly) I didn't know they did that to dogs and cats.

It was all I could do at that point to stay in my lane. It's probably not as funny reading it, but it was hilarious listening to their little private conversation. (Disclaimer: I did have a conversation at a later time about what happens at the pound and why.)

Home

2009-07-22T12:32:00.005-05:00

We've been in Oklahoma for 5 weeks now, and I still have the vague feeling that we're just visiting. It's our stuff in the new house, it's my face on my employee ID badge, and it's my car in the garage but it all feels out of place. It's like a incredibly bizarre vacation where we moved all of our stuff with us, but will be going home soon.

In spite of this feeling, we really are settling in pretty well. We joined the church we were visiting Sunday before last, and we've had some new friends over for dinner. My job is going well, and I am slowly but surely making friends with the people here. I'm excited about the fall because I will be cutting back on my hours a bit in order to be home with the kids after school. I'm also excited about the fall because it will actually BE fall with cooler temperatures and turning leaves. Southeast Texas has two seasons: hot and hotter. Okay, to be fair the winters are very comfortable but it's the getting to the comfortable weather that will kill you!

Our main concern right now is the sale of our house in Texas. It's still sitting there just waiting for the right family to purchase it, and we would like to find that family sooner rather than later. It's that last loose end that we haven't quite tied up yet and are looking forward to the revenue and sense of finality that will come with it. Maybe when we sell I'll stop thinking of it as home and look around me instead.

A New Beginning

2009-07-09T08:12:00.004-05:00

In recent months, I have been quite sporadic about writing posts for my blog. Partly because my life has been crazy with the move and a new job, but mostly because I've reached a fork in the road with my blogging. When I first began, I wrote for myself and for my children. It was an outlet for my creative side, a place to vent and a place to record the everyday happenings in my life.

Over time I began to make friends through my blog. Friends who encouraged me, friends who made me laugh and friends who sometimes admonished me in Christ through a more private venue such as email when I needed it. I loved reading their blogs, and began to look forward to my daily reading.

But something else happened along the way. I started writing for my friends instead of for myself. I would begin each post with the expectation that others would read it and I hid my true feelings about things as to not offend, and began to be overly critical of my writing. Sitting down to blog became a chore instead of a pleasure. What should I write about? Will they think I'm boring? Is this post too long? Should I add pictures to break it up visually?

I also stopped writing so much about the every day details of my life, because let's be honest. I care about how many times Gracie wakes up with a dry Pull-up (and probably my mom and a handful of other relatives), but who else in the blogosphere really cares about that stuff? Part of what I enjoyed about my earlier writing was the fact that I was recording in great detail the events of my children's lives. not just the big milestones, but the crazy quotes, quirky little habits and day to day happenings. I love going back and reading about all that stuff that only a mother could genuinely care about.

I read a post this morning that was written by my friend Maff at Girl with a 'Fro, and it really got me thinking about my blogging and why I am doing it. I don't think I'm ready to disable comments yet, but I do think that I am going to start writing for myself again. I love your comments and subsequent emails and chit chat, but it's okay if you don't feel like commenting on a post about the number of friends Nathan has made in the neighborhood, my insomnia or the obvious flaws in our highway patrol system.

Please feel free to come here and read (or see the topic and decide you're not interested), and leave a comment (or not). Whatever you decide, I'm going to keep on writing about stuff that I care about. I will be really pleased to see the familiar names on my comments list, but will not be offended if there are none. Of course, I've never been one to care about the number of comments per post (although I know many who do), so don't feel like you are going to be hurting my feelings if you don't leave your mark every time.

As for me, expect to see a drop in the number of comments I leave for you. Some of my friends write in volume, and I have a hard time keeping up with the commenting. I always read each post, but then feel guilty if I don't leave some sort of comment like "Great post!" or "Good point!". But really, other than affirming that I agree with what was said, did I really say anything of value? Nope. I have made this vow before that I would stop commenting unless I really had something to say, but very quickly broke it because I tend to be a people pleaser.

However, this time I plan to stick to my guns. I may roll on the floor laughing at the antics of your children, or at your adventures the last time you visited Walmart, but I probably won't comment on it. For all of my friends (and you know who you are), I will still be reading every single word you write, I just may not be commenting on it.

So in conclusion:

1. I still love all my bloggy friends.
2. I will still be reading all that you write.
3. I will still be blogging, but it will be for me.
4. I do not expect comments every time I post.
5. I still love all my bloggy friends.

The Briar Patch

2009-07-04T08:33:00.009-05:00

The first week that Trevor and I were here without the kids, I stumbled across a Christmas tree farm that also had 5 acres of blackberries in the summer. Blackberries are actually not one of my favorite berries, but there is a completely nostalgic value to them that I can't quite escape.

When I was a girl, Gramps had a long row of blackberries that he grew. They climbed the rudimentary trellis as they matured, and in the summer we would all pick berries until our hands and arms were scratched and bleeding from the briars. They were huge berries, not like the ones we would find wild in the woods around their house. They were good right off the vine, and they stained our fingers purple as we picked and devoured them, enjoying the juicy sweet but tart flavor until we were full.

When our buckets were full, we would bring them in to Granny and she would work her special magic in the kitchen, making blackberry dumplings, cobblers and jelly. The dumplings were my favorite, and the very thought of them takes me back to 1982 when I was 10 and the summer stretched endlessly in front of me.

All of this flashed through my mind when I saw that farm, and I decided that I would take the kids blackberry picking when they got here. Today was the first day that we've been able to get out there, so Gracie and I got up at seven and drove over. Nathan wasn't interested in going, so the girls had some special time together.

As we walked up and down the rows picking berries and chatting with other pickers, I felt like a child again. Gracie caught on quickly, and was proud of her progress as she made her way down the row, occasionally calling out and letting me know when she found a particularly big one. It's only rained once for about 5 minutes the entire 3 weeks that we've been here, but this morning the clouds were looming on the horizon. We finished up and went to the shed to have the berries packaged and weighed. All in all we picked about 3 quarts, which was more than enough for our little family.

Not long after we got home, the sky opened up and the rain came down in heavy sheets. We had timed our trip just perfectly, and set to work washing and picking over the berries.

Gracie ate one after they were washed, and announced that she didn't really like blackberries. That's okay...she'll always have the memory of picking blackberries in the summer with me and she'll eat them for that reason alone.

She-Who-Runs-With-a-Stick

2009-07-02T19:42:00.007-05:00

Sunday evening, the daylight was fading and the kids were begging for just a few more minutes outside. They knew that Monday would be my first day at work, and their first day at daycare so they were trying to squeeze every last moment from the day. I gave them a few more minutes, and watched from the window as Gracie walked across the lawn with her "hiking stick", which she found in the field next to our house approximately 46 seconds after she arrived in Oklahoma.

It was an old, weathered bamboo stick with rough jagged ends and about a foot taller than Grace. As I watched her, I turned to Trevor and said something offhand, like "She's going to poke her eye out with that stick." Less than a minute later, Gracie came stumbling up the driveway with the stick in one hand, holding her eye with the other and screaming bloody murder. Gracie is my child that falls down and gets right back up running, so when she screams like that I know something is very wrong.

Nathan was frantically trying to tell me what happened as I grabbed Gracie and carried her into the house. Her eye was bleeding, she had blood all over her hands and I couldn't tell if it was coming just from her eye or from somewhere else as well. I got her on the kitchen counter and forced her hand away from the eye. At first glance I couldn't tell if she had damaged the eyeball, or if it was just superficial puncture wounds and small cuts to the skin. I quickly realized that all the blood was from her eye, and that she had not impaled herself on the stick.

As Trevor and I examined her, Nathan told us that Gracie was running with the stick and it got caught on the pavement. The stick stopped cold, but she kept going and jammed her eye on the end of it. I tried to calm her down as I cleaned the eye and put ice packs on it. I was convinced that we needed to go to the ER immediately, but Trevor was not so sure. He felt that the damage was purely superficial and that it would be a waste of time (not to mention money), and that she would be fine.

I went along with the plan after ascertaining that she could see out of the eye and move it around without any difficulty. She climbed into my lap and I held her for a long time with the ice pack held firmly in place. We called Mama on Skype and did a video call so that she could see Gracie's eye. She read Gracie a few books, and it really cheered her up. By the end of the books, she was feeling much better and I was glad that Mama had been able to take her mind off the injury.

When it was time for bed, I let Nathan and Grace sleep together so that Nathan could come get us if Gracie needed anything in the night. I went to bed, but couldn't sleep for worrying that I should have taken her to the ER. I had visions of her waking up blind in that eye, or of having some sort of swelling behind the eye that affected her brain function. I finally gave up and went into the living room to watch TV. I must have checked on her at least 8 times that night, and didn't get to sleep until about 2am.

Monday morning was my first day of work, and I was willing to go in late or call in so I could take her to the pediatrician, but Trevor volunteered. The doctor concurred with Trevor that all of the wounds were superficial and that there was no lasting damage. All Gracie could talk about that day was how she learned her lesson about running with sticks. Another quarter or half of an inch lower and she could have been permanently blinded or worse. If this kind of close call doesn't convince you that we are surrounded by angels, I don't know what does. Here are a few pictures of She-Who-Runs-With-A-Stick:

The night of the accident

The next morning

Monday evening

Settling In

2009-06-27T08:30:00.000-05:00

Nathan and Grace arrived in Oklahoma last Saturday afternoon, so they've been "home" for a week now. Mama and Granny drove them up from Louisiana and then stayed for several days to visit and to see our new home.

We all went to church on Sunday morning, and Nathan finally met the son of friends we made when we were here in May. His name is Ben, and they were in the same Sunday school class. Gracie went to her own class, and when I picked her up the teacher smiled and said, "She would have done so much better if she wasn't so shy!" Apparently Grace led the class in several songs and jumped right in with the lesson.

We went out for lunch at a local Mexican restaurant for Father's Day, and then relaxed the rest of the day. Monday morning Trevor went to work, and the rest of us took the kids to Kansas to see the site of the cabin that Laura Ingalls Wilder wrote about in the book "Little House on the Prairie". We all enjoyed the trip and Mama got the rest of the pictures and information that she needed for the talk she is giving on Little House in Europe this summer.

We found an incredible park as we were driving home, and took the kids there to play Monday night. They loved it, and I think it's going to be a favorite place to spend time.

Mama and Granny left Tuesday morning, and the kids and I went to the Tulsa Zoo. It was ridiculously hot (the temperatures have been as high as 107), so we only stayed a few hours but Nathan and Grace had a great time. We rode the train and the merry-go-round, and the kids rode a camel. After growing up with the Houston Zoo, this one was much smaller with fewer exhibits, but it was still very nice with the added benefit of being only 10 minutes from our house.

My new friend Tracy called that afternoon to see if we wanted to go swimming, so we spent a few hours cooling off in the pool. Nathan and Grace played with their new friends Ben and Lily and had a great time.

Wednesday I took them to the new pediatrician for well child visits (yay, no shots!) and then to enroll them in school. It's hard to believe that Gracie is going to be in Kindergarten and Nathan in 3rd grade. We spend the rest of the day running errands and trying to stay cool.

Thursday I took them to the on site daycare at my new job to take a tour and to fill out the necessary paperwork. It is a beautiful facility and the kids will have the opportunity to swim and go on field trips this summer. After the tour, we went down to the Oklahoma Aquarium. Just like the zoo, it was much smaller than its Houston and New Orleans counterparts, but still very nice and more importantly, indoors. The heat is insane and we take any opportunity to stay inside!

Yesterday we mostly stayed at home and relaxed. The kids played the Wii and computer games while I did some organizing and final unpacking. This house has very little storage and no bookshelves which makes it difficult to find places for all our books. Most of them are still in boxes in our bedroom while we decided what kind of system we want to purchase to house them. Our old house had custom, built-in bookshelves that were completely filled and so it's going to be a challenge to find a home for all our books.

All in all we are settling in very well. I am quickly learning my way around the area and Nathan and Grace are already meeting new friends at church and in the neighborhood. Although I would prefer to stay home with the kids full time, I'm still excited about starting my new job Monday. The house is feeling more and more like home every day, and we are already getting involved with our Sunday school class. We have a fellowship tonight, and already have plans for the 4th of July weekend.

God has provided a comfortable home, good jobs and friendly people to welcome us to the area. The transition from known to unknown has been surprisingly easy, and it's been abundantly clear that God has paved the way for us, and for that I am grateful.

I Am Loved

2009-06-19T13:46:00.004-05:00

So they all went away from the little log house. The shutters were over the windows, so the little house could not see them go. It stayed there inside the log fence, behind the two big oak trees that in the summertime had made green roofs for Mary and Laura to play under. And that was the last of the little house.
Laura Ingalls Wilder
Little House on the Prairie

This is one of my favorite lines from all of the Little House books, and it was exactly what I was feeling when we pulled out of the driveway to begin our trip to Oklahoma. It felt as though I was leaving a family member behind, and I could barely see to say goodbye through my tears.

As I did a final walk through of the house, taking pictures of the empty rooms and one more of the familiar fireplace I couldn't help but cry. Tears welled in my eyes as I recalled memories in each room, and said goodbye to each one. Trevor met me in the kitchen and held me as he prayed over me, and said a prayer of thankgiving for the many years we had been able to call it home. The house where Nathan started his first day of Kindergarten and where Gracie learned how to walk.

The tears continued to fall as we said goodbye to his family, but slowly they stopped the further we got down the road. As I drove, I began to look forward to getting to Tulsa and to getting the new house in order. I thought about my new job and all of the friends that we had already made, and I felt better. I thought about all the people who care about me and who have been faithful to offer prayers on my behalf over the last several months, and I felt even better than before. I thought about how richly I have been blessed by God in so many ways that can never be named or put on a list.

I am loved.

My geographical location might change over the years, and I may have to say goodbye over and over again to those I love but one thing will never change: I am loved.

My cup runneth over.

We're Here

2009-06-17T10:19:00.002-05:00

I'm at Trevor's office right now checking email and editing accounts online because our internet is not up and working yet at the house. It's been kind of nice not feeling like I constantly need to be checking stuff online, but at the same time I miss the convenience of having it readily available.

At any rate, we safely made it to Oklahoma on Sunday. The movers came Friday to pack the house, and then Saturday to load it on to the semi. We left about an hour after the truck did (that's a story for another time), and drove until we got just past Dallas. We stopped for the night and then finished the trip Sunday morning.

The movers came Monday morning and had the entire house unloaded by noon. We finally stopped them from unpacking boxes because we were out of room for storing everything, and piles of stuff were accumulating on the floors. We worked hard all day Monday and got a good bit done, and then I finished pretty much all of the rooms except for the master bedroom and both bathrooms. The challenge has been finding a place for everything, because we downsized a good bit and this house doesn't have nearly the storage that we had before.

I've been in Tulsa today doing drug testing and benefits orientation for my new job, so I decided to stop in and see Trevor for a few minutes on the way home. It's been kind of fun pretending that we are married without children, but we are really starting to miss Nathan and Grace. Mama has them in Louisiana with her and she will be driving them up to us on Saturday. Granny E is coming with them, and I am excited about showing them around our new town.

So, I need to finish up my interneting and get back to the house so I can finish up the rest of the the unpacking. As soon as we get the internet hooked up at the house, I'll be a little more regular with my posting. Until then, expect delays.

One More Day

2009-06-11T12:30:00.004-05:00

The movers come to pack the house tomorrow. Tomorrow. Just to be clear, that's tomorrow. As in one more day in our home. One more day to walk slowly through the rooms and hear echos of laughter, tears, fighting, conversations and love. One more day to look out of my bedroom window into the back yard and see the rising sun send shafts of light through the leaves of the twin pecan trees. One more day to sit out on the deck with a beverage in one hand and the phone in the other as I chat with a loved one and swing.

One more day.

But I'm also one day closer to a new life with my husband and children. One more day until we have a brand new house in which to create memories of laughter, tears, fighting, conversations and love. One day closer to joining a new church and making new friends who will soon be old ones. One day closer to settling in the place that God has chosen for us.

One more day.

Tying Up the Loose Ends

2009-06-07T21:03:00.006-05:00

This has been a week filled with farewells and final moments. We had Gracie's birthday party last Saturday, which allowed us to say goodbye to our friends. It's been a long time since we were all together...Kenneth and Kellye, Chris and Ali, Mike and Heather...with all of the kids running around under foot and having a great time. We enjoyed visiting with everyone and being able to open our home one last time before the move.

Then Friday my friends from work took me out after work for lunch and to hang out. We went to Chuy's (mmmmmm) around 1pm and didn't leave until almost five! They gave me an incredibly generous gift card that enabled me to purchase a Kindle 2 from Amazon. I can't wait to get it next week!!! It was so much fun to be with these women that I have come to love and respect. It's not often that we are given the opportunity to work with a group of people with whom we can also be friends. These women that work closely with every day...Mary Ann, Linda, Sam, Mary, Gayle, Janet and Chanda...make getting up in the morning worth it. I never dread going to work and I am constantly laughing and being encouraged while I am there.

These women have seen me through my pregnancy with Grace and her birth, the deaths of Gramps and Uncle Tellius, and all the ups and downs life has thrown at me in between. They have been faithful to tell me when to mind my own business, and when I have stuff stuck in my teeth after lunch. I count each one as my friend, and know that no matter how far away I may move that they will always be there for me. I've never been so sad to leave a job, knowing that I'll probably never be able to recreate that sort of perfect workplace chemistry in my lifetime. But it was good while it lasted, and I have the best memories of them to pull out from time to time and revisit when I am homesick.

Then Saturday we had 22 of Trevor's colleagues over for a party so he could say goodbye to them. It was sort of a joke because the name of the party was "Let's All Experience Trevor's Daily Commute". For those of you familiar with the Houston area, we live about 45 miles east of Houston, and Trevor works at the Beltway and 290.

Yeah.

If he were making that commute during rush hour (oh I laugh at the singular usage of that word), it would be about an hour and a half one way. As it is, he leaves the house each morning at 5:15 am to avoid all of that, and so that he can get off early enough to pick Gracie up from the church in the evening. So all of his friends made the journey and they were all appropriately appalled at how long it took.

We had a really good time playing games and eating. Three friends stayed until about 9:30 pm because we were out on the deck with a box of Trivial Pursuit cards just asking the questions. The entire thing went off without a hitch, and I was able to meet Trevor's boss from Russia, who did not speak a lick of English. Trevor taught the kids to say "hello" in Russian, and I think it pleased him that they tried.

So, today we dismantled the swing set. We knew that we couldn't take that massive thing with us to Oklahoma, and so we decided to give it to Will and Charly so that Nick and Alex could enjoy it. Once it was out of the yard there was just this big, empty space out there between the two pecan trees. The place where our kids spent hours swinging, climbing and imagining the day away was suddenly gone. I didn't think that it would bother me, but it did. Just like seeing our fireplace without it's mantle feels like a little death. (Amber took it home with her to Louisiana...Gramps made it when the fireplace was built, and she wanted to use it over her fireplace)

The last straw was when I ran out to the store for a few groceries later in the afternoon, and then dissolved into tears as I approached our driveway. I've known for a long time that we were leaving, but seeing the house sitting there expectantly waiting for me to come home was more than I could bear. I just sat in my car and cried for a few minutes. I've been pushing all of this down as I've made plans and kept moving forward, but now that planning is over and all that's left to do is say goodbye.

It's turning out to be harder than I thought.

Grace

2009-06-04T09:24:00.005-05:00

As much as I try to stop time, it just keeps moving forward. Gracie turned five this past Monday, and as she blew out the candles and made her wish I couldn't help feeling a little sad. My tiny little baby is growing up and she will never stop. There are so many things that I find endearing about her personality, so I decided to compare her with the actual definitions for grace in the dictionary.

Grace

1. Seemingly effortless beauty or charm of movement, form, or proportion. Ummm....no. She's too much like her mother! We've never met a change in floor color that we couldn't trip over.
2. A characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm or refinement. Most definitely. She can charm the pants off of most anyone who meets her.
3. A sense of fitness or propriety. Again...nope. She runs around in her underwear for the most part, and doesn't care who sees her.
4. a. A disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill. She wants nothing more than to help others. It's so sweet to see this part of her personality grow and flourish.
b. Mercy; clemency. We're still working on this one. Take away one of her lizards or dolls and her wrath will fall swiftly and terribly.
5. a. Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people.
b. The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God.
c. An excellence or power granted by God. I pray daily that she will be covered by His grace and come to know Him in a personal, saving way at an early age.
6. A short prayer of blessing or thanksgiving said before or after a meal. Her favorite one right now is: God our Father, once again thank you for our blessings. Amen (Did I mention that it is sung to the tune of "Are You Sleeping"?)
7. Grace used with His, Her, or Your as a title and form of address for a duke, duchess, or archbishop. Sometime I think that she thinks that she is royalty!

I love that little girl so much, and I am so proud of the person she is becoming as each year passes by. She makes me laugh (and sometimes cry), and I am so blessed to be her mother. Happy Birthday Grace!

The Treasure Fairy

2009-05-19T09:12:00.006-05:00

In the far away land of Nannie and Papa's House a small fairy was born among the tree nymphs and dryads. She knew her calling in life from the very beginning and was aptly named Treasure Fairy. She spent her time becoming an expert shopper in the nearby lands of Target Dollar Section and Everything's A Dollar, collecting items that she knew would please the sometimes inhabitants of Nannie and Papa's House.

She gave a mirthful giggle when the oldest one they called Nathan could not pronounce her name and began calling her The Blueberry, and sent happy thoughts his way when she would deposit the small gifts in his treasure box each night. She would hide in the closet to wait for his sleepy tread on the floor in the morning, basking in the glow of his delight which imbued her with magic and strengthened her for another shopping trip.

Then the next child named Gracie was suddenly old enough to have a treasure box, and she was able to procure girly gifts for the little one. She flitted among the pink items and sparkly stickers, anticipating the squeals of pleasure that would accompany their discovery. She loved the children, and although their visits to the land of Nannie and Papa's House were infrequent, she continued to stockpile gifts so that she would be ready at any time to welcome them back.

Then one day Nathan looked a bit perplexed as he opened his box. He was happy with his gifts, but she did not receive her normal boost of magic when he saw them. She followed him at a distance as he sought out the Queen of the land, and asked her in a quiet voice if there was really a Treasure Fairy (because by this time he could pronounce her name correctly) and she gently told him the truth. "No son, there is not a real Treasure Fairy. Nannie and Papa put those gifts in your box every night."

Treasure Fairy gasped at this blatant lie and quickly flew away to her small hidey hole in the closet where she sobbed her little heart out. Then she heard a small sound by the treasure boxes. She peeked out from her hiding place and saw Gracie sitting there with a look of pure joy on her face as she cradled a package of sparkly stickers in her hands. Treasure Fairy felt her strength coming back and leaped into the air with a little shout. "She still believes! She still believes!", she thought triumphantly.

And so it was that the oldest child left part of the magic of childhood behind, and soon thereafter lost his faith in the Tooth Fairy as well. But both fairies knew that although his growing mind couldn't hold on to them and logic both, that they still had Gracie for a season. And it was enough.

Old Roads

2009-05-18T20:12:00.003-05:00

As I made the trip home to Louisiana this past weekend, I was immersed in a sea of memories and tiny moments that anchor me to that geographical location no matter how far away I might move. Like the mighty Mississippi that undulates and flows from Natchez to New Orleans, they washed over me in muddy waves with every car ride, conversation, hug and goodbye.

The road that runs in front of Granny and Gramps' house saw me get behind the wheel of a car for the first time. Mama pulled over as we made the last turn on the long trip from Texas and let me drive the remaining 1/2 mile to their house, and I was beaming from ear to ear the entire time. As I bounded out of the car with typical 15 year old enthusiasm, I couldn't wait to tell them that I had driven!

The open field beside Granny Traylor's house used to be a huge garden that was tended by her father, my great-grandfather. There was sugar cane in one corner, and Papa would have a pile of the hard sticks on the back carport ready to be cut open and chewed until the sweet goodness was a pulp. He always had a hug ready, and I remember how hard they were, as though he was going to squeeze me to death. The smell of Zippo lighters still remind me of him to this day, and he's been gone for 23 years now.

The taste of Hi-Ho BBQ (which isn't really BBQ at all), and remembering eating them as a child with all six double-first cousins sitting on the step in Granny's kitchen. Sauce dripping down grimy hands and arms and a cold Barq's root beer beside each one of us. Enjoying the taste of our lunch, but anticipating the rest of the afternoon that we would spend climbing the live oak and magnolia trees. There was one massive oak we named the animal tree because it had one of those impossibly low branches that almost touched the ground and we would ride it like a horse. Well, until the freakishly large orange stinging caterpillars sent us screaming in fear to some other mischief.

Strawberry season in the spring, with the seemingly limitless supply of berries bought by the flat and eaten in a myriad of ways: plain, with sugar, over ice cream, made into jam, over buttermilk cake and sliced and put up in the freezer for the rest of the year. All those little green plastic baskets in which the berries were packed that we used to make craft projects with yarn and whatever else we could find. Before the season was over, Granny would have stacks and stacks of those baskets and be completely unwilling to throw them away much like the mayonnaise jars and Cool Whip containers.

The smell of lunch cooking in Granny's kitchen, and the comfortable conversation around the dinner table. The faces are older now and more careworn, but they are the faces of the people who love me and who are loved in return. My past, present and future all in one room sharing a meal, just like the hundreds of meals shared before. There is something timeless about the ritual of breaking bread with family and the playful banter learned from years of knowing, loving and trusting one another. The inside jokes that no one else would get or even care about. The instinctive way that we serve one another and remember who likes which food and who has an aversion to another.

Then making the trip back home on I-10 and realizing that it's a road that will not be used much in the coming years. Trevor and I have both been traveling that stretch of interstate since childhood, leading us to and from our families for as long as we can remember. As we slowed to make our exit, we discussed the probability that we would not need I-10 to get to the ones we love anymore. We'll be coming from the north from now on, and although we may make the occasional trip to Louisiana from Texas in a combined trip to see his parents and mine, it will be the exception and not the rule.

But even with the particularly sharp nostalgia I experienced this trip, there was an intermingled feeling of excitement about our move. The knowledge that my children have already begun to make memories that will sustain them their entire lives. Memories of cousins and grandparents...memories of the places I love...memories of their own. I-10 will not be the familiar path home, but they will have a path and it will always lead them back to us.

Oklahoma!

2009-05-11T21:07:00.007-05:00

There has been so much going on recently, and I feel a little guilty that I have not been recording all the details as they happen. I want to look back at this season in our lives and remember all of the details, from the life changing all the way down to the small decisions that affected our move. So far I don't have much of a track record, but I'm going to try and remedy that over the next few days.

Trevor and made the trip to Tulsa last Saturday to look for housing, schools, daycare and a church. It was also a chance for us to reconnect as a couple without the stress of day to day living with children. I mean, we love listening to them argue about facial expressions, proximity to one another and whether or not a girl movie or a boy movie is going to be put in the DVD player, but we felt like some alone time was in order. Did I mention that his company paid for everything?? Airfare, hotel, food....it was like a free vacation!

The weather was unseasonably cool and wet, but we weren't complaining at all. The low humidity and temperatures that never broke 65 were a pleasant break from the current conditions in Houston. We met up with Trevor's boss and his wife for dinner at a local restaurant, and had a great evening together. I had met Ed and Carol a few times before, but it was good to get to know them a little better.

I had found a church on the Nine Marks website, and decided to attend there Sunday morning. From the moment we stepped out of our car, we were made to feel welcome. Before we even got in the door, a deacon was waiting there to greet and direct us to our class. He walked us to our Sunday school room and introduced us to the teacher, who was warm and welcoming. As class members arrived, he introduced us and it felt like we were already part of the class. Everyone was very easy going and open, wanting to make us feel comfortable.

Before class even started, we had been invited home for lunch by a couple named Paul and Tracy. We had been hoping that someone would be interested in going out to lunch so we could get to know them, but we never dreamed that we would be included so completely by total strangers. The people in this church are truly the body of Christ...working and serving in His name.

The church service was wonderful, and the pastor used scripture to interpret scripture and the preaching was expositional. It was all that we could have hoped for in a church, and we felt right at home. I lost track of the number of people who spoke to and welcomed us that morning.

Anyway, after church we followed Paul and Tracy home for lunch with their family. As we ate and enjoyed fellowship with them, I was struck once again at how lavish God is with His mercy and grace when it comes to His children. These people didn't know us from Adam, and yet they opened their home and hearts to us. It turned out that their two youngest children were close in age to Nathan and Grace, and their oldest were old enough to babysit. We had a good visit with them, and Tracy and I exchanged Facebook information and email addresses before we left.

Monday morning we met with a realtor to look at a rent house that we had found online, and with one appointment we settled the issue of housing. We decided to go ahead and rent for a year until we become more familiar with the area. The house is in a planned community, with a non-existent backyard, no trees and minimum storage...pretty much the polar opposite of our current house, but the rent is reasonable and hopefully we will only be there a year.

So, with a new church and house checked off the list, I went to my first interview that afternoon. It was for a PRN (or "as needed" for the non-medicals out there) position, and it went very well. The facility was beautiful and it would really fit the kid's schedules so that I could be home with them for the most part. The only drawback is that there are no guaranteed hours since it's PRN, which makes it difficult to plan a budget.

We spent Tuesday looking into daycare, enrollment for school and going to the local grocery store to see if there was anything that we needed to stock up on before the move. Lo and behold...they sell Blue Bell ice cream! There is actually a creamery in Broken Arrow, so it makes it feel more like Texas for us. We'll have to take the kids for a tour once we get settled. The only thing that we couldn't find in the store was a particular brand of syrup that we like to eat with our biscuits, so when I got home I bought 2 large vats to include with our moving boxes. Because you know how we Southerners are about our biscuits...

We met Ed and Carol again for dinner at this really good Greek restaurant called Helen of Troy, and the chef was very informative about the different sauces and whatnot. He brought out a sampler tray so we could taste them and decide what we wanted to order. I ended up with an incredible Greek salad that looked nothing like what they serve at Panera Bread, but was out of this world.

Wednesday morning I went to my second interview, this time for a full time position. I loved the center, the staff was very friendly and laid back and I really felt like I could see myself working there. The interview went well, and I am waiting to hear back from the manager. The only problem with the two job interviews is that they had to fill the positions before I was able to get up there to meet them, but both hospitals are pushing to have additional positions opened because they are so busy. It's sort of a waiting game right now, but I am confident that God has all the details worked out and that I just need to patiently wait.

We flew back home Wednesday afternoon, and the sweetest sight in the entire world was Gracie's face as she opened the front door and saw us sitting there. I missed them while we were gone, but we were so busy that the time sort of flew by. But when I saw her little face shining with joy, I realized how much I missed seeing them and was so glad to be home. They were full of news about their few days without us, and it was good to just sit and listen to them talk.

We accomplished pretty much everything that we set out to do on the trip, and were also able to see a few movies and spend some much needed time alone. Our overall impression of the Tulsa area was incredibly positive because the people were so friendly. I don't know if I just was interacting with people who were all having great days or what, but I don't think I had one rude experience the entire trip. Even the teenagers at the local Subway seemed happy to do to their job, instead of the standard "I'm too cool to be here what do you want so I can get back to texting my boyfriend" or the "I can't be bothered to do my job" attitude.

The only obstacles that we need to overcome now are selling our house and nailing down my job in Tulsa. My last day of work here is June12th, and we are planning to move that weekend so we can be in the house the following week and get settled. My mom is going to take the kids home with her to Louisiana for that week so when they arrive, all of their stuff will be moved in and arranged so that it's less of a shock for them. We want to make this transition as easy and painless as possible, and they are both excited about the change.

So now, we just wait. Wait for the house to sell, wait to hear back about my job(s), and wait to say goodbye to Texas.

Did Someone Alter the Number of Hours in a Day?

2009-05-10T08:28:00.003-05:00

I think that must be the problem, because I can't seem to find the time to do anything these days! Every time I think about blogging, I think of 10 other things I need to be doing and so the blogging gets pushed to the bottom of the list...again.

To be honest, I don't have time to blog right now, but I did want to say that the trip to Tulsa went very well, we love the area and we are even more excited than ever to be moving next month. I plan to write about our trip in more detail, but today I am going to spend time with my kids and just relax.

For all you moms out there, Happy Mother's day!

The Limbo is Coming to An End

2009-05-02T06:05:00.003-05:00

I realize that my blogging has been spotty to say the least, but the uncertainty of this move has sort of turned my life upside down. I'm usually very organized, methodical and have things planned out days in advance but this past month I have been a pod person. I have struggled to answer emails, check my favorite blogs and even return phone calls. This is so out of character for me that friends have started wondering if I succumbed to the swine flu!

No swine flu here, but we have had lots of drama! We put the house on the market April 1, and by the 6th, we had a buyer. The contracts were written up and signed, inspections completed and we were just waiting on a closing date. Then our buyers suddenly developed a case of unrealistic expectations, and sent us a list roughly 2 yards long of things they wanted us to fix from the inspection report. I would like to interject here that this house was built in 1972. What was up to code then, is not necessarily up to code now, but that doesn't mean that it is unsafe or not functional.

Some of the things Trevor was able to fix himself, but there were a few items that were just ridiculous. They wanted us to move the breaker box! The breaker box! We also had an inspector who liked to spin tall tales of "what ifs" and who also liked to provide inappropriate information to the buyers about his perception of property values in our neighborhood. He also provided an incorrect inspection report to the buyers. He said that there were no smoke detectors in the bedrooms (ummm...then what are those round, blinky things above each door??) and that we had gas logs in our strictly wood burning fireplace.

Those were just a few things, but if he got the simple stuff wrong, who knows what else was inaccurately reported. At any rate, the realtors kept trying to tell the buyers that unless an item on the inspection report made the house functionally deficient, the list was simply a suggestion of things to address. I think they were first time buyers, because they insisted on the entire list being fixed and before we could even give them an answer they called to say that they wanted to reduce the price by $10,000 and they still wanted us to fix everything.

Huh?

We had already agreed to pay their closing costs, title insurance, home warranty and warranty transfer fees. We also had to pay our realty fees, so after it was all said and done we would have had to bring money to closing to sell our house. Am I the only one who thinks that's ridiculous??? We countered, they refused and backed out of the contract. We were disappointed, but knew that God had a plan for our house and finances and that it would all work out in the end.

So, it's been a week and our friend and realtor Kellye called us with the news that someone wanted to see the house today. I can't adequately express how much I appreciate Kellye. She has worked tirelessly to sell our house, and to be the go between for us. She has researched problems for us, and is never more than a phone call away. We have been so blessed to have a Christian friend advocating for us in an area where we have little or no expertise.

Trevor and I are leaving to explore the Tulsa area today, and we will not be home until Wednesday evening, so the house will be available to show anytime she wants to. I am so excited about spending some quality time alone with Trevor, and having the opportunity to see the area where we will be living. This is such an exciting time, and so many of our decisions hinge on this trip. We will be looking at houses, schools, day cares and churches and I have two interviews while we are there. Many of our questions about when we will be moving will be answered in the next few days, and that will be a huge load off of our minds. The uncertainty of our future has been the one thing that has stressed me out. I know that God has it all worked out, but I am a planner and the not knowing has left me in a state of limbo.

So, the kids are packed and ready to go to Gran and Grandpa's for a few days, and we are packed and ready to be alone!

Bluebonnets 2009

2009-04-26T19:02:00.007-05:00

This year as we went to our familiar hill of bluebonnets to take pictures, it was with a sense of finality. This will be the last spring we will be able to dive into the sea of Texas wildflowers. I realize that Oklahoma is not a barren wasteland, and I'm sure that we will find new ways to continue our springtime tradition of picture taking, but they won't be bluebonnets.

Mama and Daddy were with us this year, so I was able to get a few shots of them with the kids. Sadly, Nathan has reached the age where he is completely disinterested in taking any type of photograph and it's clearly evident in the few shots I was able to get of him. The more I fussed about his fake smile, the faker it got so I finally just gave up.

Gracie on the other hand had a great time in front of the camera. She had a moment or two, but overall the shots of her really captured her personality. Once we got her laughing, it was all good. And who knows? Maybe we'll be home for Easter next year and be able to get one more chance at the bluebonnets.

Unity

2009-04-19T14:40:00.007-05:00

Most wedding ceremonies have traditional elements woven into their fabric. It might be the long white bridal gown or maybe it's the exchanging of rings. There are certain things we expect to see when we attend a wedding: bridesmaids and groomsmen, bouquets of flowers, wedding cake and garters.

Twelve years ago today I walked down the aisle to my beloved. We declared our love for one another before family and friends, and entered into a covenant ordained by God. We exchanged rings and pledged faithfulness until death parts us in this life. We lit a unity candle representing our desire to leave our parents and to cleave to one another in all things.

I chose a very simple, ivory pillar for our unity candle. There is nothing really special about it...you can buy a hundred just like it at your nearest craft store. It's a bit dented and worn from all of our moves, and it tends to get a bit dusty because it is seldom used. But every year on our anniversary, we light our unity candle again. We light it to remind us that we are in this marriage for the long haul, and that we have forsaken all others in order to be as one. We are united in love and mutual respect, and lighting that candle each year just reminds me of how lucky I am to have found my soul mate.

Statistics prove that not everyone is so fortunate, and the knowledge that God blessed me with Trevor just overwhelms me sometimes. I have a best friend for life. Someone to whom I can confide my deepest, darkest secrets without fear, and from whom I never have to hide anything. He is the one person in the world who is always on my side, even when I'm wrong. He loves and cherishes me, and he makes my life complete.

So today I celebrate both the goodness of God for giving him to me, and the gift that is my marriage. Happy anniversary Trevor!

It Makes My Legs Hurt To Watch

2009-04-16T22:16:00.009-05:00

A friend of mine sent me this video a few days ago, and I just got around to viewing it.

Ya'll.

This is amazing. It's kind of long, but well worth the time. It's 32 elementary school girls from Kings Mill, Ohio and they're known as the King's Firecrackers. This video is of a half-time show at a basketball game at the US Naval Academy. Not even on my best day in my jump roping prime...not even!

Prophecy Fulfilled

2009-04-10T08:06:00.004-05:00

Today is a day of mourning and celebration. We mourn the fact that Christ had to die such a horrific death on the cross. We cringe at the thought of the tortures He endured, and the suffering He gladly bore that day long ago. We analyze the events leading up to the crucifixion, trying to make sense of a sacrifice so complete and amazing that it defies reason. We imagine the women and disciples at the foot of the cross, weeping and mourning the loss of the God man they loved so dearly.

But we have the benefit of hindsight that they did not. We don't have to wait until Easter morning to celebrate because we know the outcome. We know that in the midst of our sorrow and horror at His death that He is alive! As the angels spoke to the them, "Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but is risen!" We don't have to hide in darkened rooms for 3 days, afraid and heartbroken over an unspeakable loss. We can celebrate every day that our Lord has conquered the grave and that His sacrifice made possible our communion with God. He fulfilled the prophecy in Isaiah so that we might be justified.

Who has believed our report?
And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?
For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant,
And as a root out of dry ground.
He has no form or comeliness;
And when we see Him,
There is no beauty that we should desire Him.
He is despised and rejected by men,
A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.
And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him;
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.
Surely He has borne our griefs
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.
All we like sheep have gone astray;
We have turned, every one, to his own way;
And the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.
He was oppressed and He was afflicted,
Yet He opened not His mouth;
He was led as a lamb to the slaughter,
And as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
So He opened not His mouth.
He was taken from prison and from judgment,
And who will declare His generation?
For He was cut off from the land of the living;
For the transgressions of My people He was stricken.
And they made His grave with the wicked—
But with the rich at His death,
Because He had done no violence,
Nor was any deceit in His mouth.
Yet it pleased the LORD to bruise Him;
He has put Him to grief.
When You make His soul an offering for sin,
He shall see His seed, He shall prolong His days,
And the pleasure of the LORD shall prosper in His hand.
He shall see the labor of His soul, and be satisfied.
By His knowledge My righteous Servant shall justify many,
For He shall bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will divide Him a portion with the great,
And He shall divide the spoil with the strong,
Because He poured out His soul unto death,
And He was numbered with the transgressors,
And He bore the sin of many,
And made intercession for the transgressors.

Isaiah 53

House Update

2009-04-09T15:15:00.003-05:00

I've received so many emails asking how the move is going, that I thought I would do a brief post here to keep everyone up to date. I know. You were just thinking how much you wished that Xandra would post about the sale of her house. It's on my mind so it must be on yours, right? Right.

So the couple who saw the house this past Sunday gave us a very good offer the next day. We made a counter-offer (I sound very experienced, don't I?) and their realtor called to see if they could come see the house again yesterday. Thank goodness I decided to make the beds and wipe down the counters before I left for work!! They had a few questions that I was able to answer through email and now we are just waiting.

Waiting for the call or email that will let us know if we have a deal or not. I've been anxiously checking my phone all day, and hoping that they agreed to our terms. Is it weird that I want to invite them over for dinner? I want to show them around the house myself, and tell them all about it. The quirks, the special things that Trevor has installed or built to make life easier and the general history of it all. I want them to know where the 100+ year old bricks that form the fireplace are from. I want them to know how wonderful it is to sit out on the deck in the early morning with a cup of coffee and listen to the birds sing.

A friend of mine said that when she moved out of her house, she left flowers and a letter for the new owners. I think I might do the same...

Busy Times

2009-04-04T08:00:00.003-05:00

It's been a busy several weeks for us. We have been working hard to get the house ready to sell and the items on the to-do list have slowly been crossed off with great relief. We've painted rooms, replaced baseboards, painted ceilings, gutted the utility room and refinished it, and power washed the house. We've placed flowering plants outside the front door to increase curb appeal. We've packed away most of our personal pictures and mementos to make our home as neutral as possible, and we had someone come in and do a deep cleaning.

The house listed Wednesday, and we had our first potential buyer come see it yesterday evening. The only problem was that Nathan has been sick with a viral fever since Tuesday night, and I had to get him out of the house for about an hour when he wasn't feeling very well. He didn't complain and luckily the virus was on it's last legs, so all went well. Apparently the buyer just purchased the house next door, and he was looking at this one for his brother who has a wife and two children. How cool would that be to live next door to your brother or sister. It would be a dream come true for me!

We have someone else coming to see the house Sunday afternoon, so we'll see how all of this goes. When we started getting calls the day after we listed, I started getting anxious. What if someone offers what we're asking and we have to be out by May? What if we can't find a place in Tulsa? What if, what if, what if??!!! Do you know how ridiculous I felt after my brief moment of stress and speculation? Do you have any idea how faithful God has been to us during this time of change and upheaval?

My friend Kellye suggested that I write down all of the ways that God has been faithful during this time so that the next time I get discouraged I could look back and remember all that He has done for me. For instance:

Trevor's company has a relocation package that is reminiscent of the eighties. All expenses paid from closing costs to providing a moving company to pack us up, move us and then unpack us when we get there. We have had very little stress regarding the financial side of this move, and that is a blessing.
We found a Nine Marks church online that we plan to visit and that looks like it will be a good fit for our family.
We already have friends and contacts in Oklahoma because of business Trevor has conducted there.
The schools where we are planning to move are very good, and Gracie will begin Kindergarten there. He has given Nathan a peaceful spirit about this whole move and he is looking forward to starting third grade in a new place. Oh, and they will be in the same building for the first three years, which will be helpful in terms of getting them to school on time!
The Monday before we listed the house, our neighbor had a landscaping company come out and clean his yard. Not much of a blessing until you realize that his backyard was still covered in debris from Hurricane Ike. Let me do the math for you...that was over 7 months ago. Just let your imagination run with that image.
I have two job interviews when Trevor and I fly to Tulsa in May to look for housing. One is a PRN position (ideal) and the other is a full time (I'm not going to turn down a job!). Our goal is for me to stay home with the kids, and this PRN position would allow that.
We have a dear friend who is listing our home for us and taking care of all the details. Not having to worry about any of that stuff has been such a blessing, and we know that her business dealings are filtered through a Christian worldview.

I have been praying for weeks now that God will make the path broad and easy to see with regard to this move, and He has been more than faithful to us. Every decision seems to have a clear direction, and so many doors have been opened. When I have my "what if" moments, I just remember His faithfulness, and that He is in control of this whole situation.

Trevor is in China this week, so any offers made on the house will have to wait until he gets home. He arrived safely this morning in Shanghai, and we were able to talk to him before he passed out in his hotel room! I'm so glad that it's only one week instead of two this time, but he's going to have a hard time adjusting to the time change with such a short turnaround. He'll get home the night before Easter around midnight, so we'll be doing Easter morning alone this year! My parents will be here though, and it will be fun to cook with my mom one last time in the kitchen. This will definitely be a meal for the china and crystal!

Home

2009-03-31T12:32:00.004-05:00

The paint has been applied and put away. The miter saw and the leftover lumber has been neatly stored in the shed again. The closets have been cleaned, organized and gleaned of all superfluous items in anticipation of strangers gazing into their depths. The bookshelf inventories have been reduced by 2/3 so as to not intimidate prospective buyers, and the empty space has been filled with vases and other neutral items. The (temporary) housekeeper has made all surfaces shine.

Our house goes on the market tomorrow, and we are finally ready. With each passing day, I am reminded of how many memories I have of this house. It's been my home since I was four years old. A lifetime of memories tied up in this one place, and I'm already finding it difficult to let go. From sleepovers, parties, graduations and weddings to my first date, kiss and prom, they were all here. I have raised my children here for the last 4 years and have those memories to take with me as well.

I was baking a buttermilk pound cake last Saturday, and suddenly began to cry. How many of these cakes had been made in this very kitchen over the years? Every thing that I do reminds me that it's coming to an end. There will eventually be a last meal, a last evening, a last night to sleep under the roof that has sheltered me for most of my life. Then I will have to walk out the front door where I waited so many times for friends and family to walk through, and not look back. I will begin a new stage of my life that doesn't include this small town or the hundreds of things that I love about it.

Am I excited? Of course. I can't wait to get to Tulsa and carve out a new life there. I have new friends to make and relationships to forge, but I can't help but feel a sense of loss at what I'm leaving behind. I know it's just a building, but it's been mine for so long that I can't imagine anyone else occupying it's space. Each room is dear to me, full of laughter, tears and the day to day living that we all experience. It's home and I am sad to be leaving it behind.

Eight Years and Counting

2009-03-29T11:27:00.007-05:00

I had to be at the hospital before dawn eight years ago to be prepped for a planned Cesarean. Our families gathered in the waiting room in the early morning hours, anxiously awaiting the birth of the first grandchild on both sides. Trevor held my hand and stroked my hair as they wheeled me into the OR, but was left behind until it was actually time.

Nurses bustled around me as the epidural was placed in my back, and I was laid down on the table in preparation for the doctor. He came barreling through the door and after a quick greeting, went to the task at hand. Trevor came in just as he began and we waited in eager anticipation to meet our son.

Then, like a wild bird whose call disturbs the quiet solitude of the early dawn, we heard the sound of his cry. Loud and lusty; the sound of life. I began to cry and Trevor hurried over to see what he looked like. "He has red hair!" he exclaimed as I strained to see him. The doctor held him up for a moment before they whisked him away to the warming table to clean and weigh him.

We knew that he was going to be a big baby, which is why I was having the section to begin with. Well, his size and the fact that I had not even begun to efface or dilate by my due date. So when they called out 9 lbs and 13 oz I shouldn't have been surprised but I was. I had given birth to a toddler!

Over the last eight years that baby has grown into an intelligent, imaginative sweet boy. He has blessed Trevor and me in ways that cannot be given words, and our lives will never be the same because of him. In eight more years he will be driving, and then eight beyond that a man with a family of his own. The years slip by like water through a sieve and I grasp at the drops trying fill my memory and my mind with their sweetness.

I can see glimpses of the man he will be...he so much like his father. But there is much of myself in him as well, and it pleases me to see him empathize with others and give of himself. His character is one of honesty and trustworthiness, and he stands by his friends. He has a mischievous smile that cracks me up when I see it, and a sweetness about his spirit that is beautiful to behold.

But no matter how old he gets or how far up I have to crane my neck to look at his face, there will always be a part of me that sees him as that perfect, soft baby who showed me for the first time how to love unconditionally.

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Psalm 127:3

Heart of Service

2009-03-24T04:56:00.003-05:00

If you are a parent, then you know how brutally honest kids can be. In their innocence, they simply say the things that we would never dream because we have learned the social niceties that allow us to make and keep friends. For instance, I can't imagine being invited a second time for dinner if I announced that the main course was "yucky" and threw down my fork. Or for that matter being taken into a confidence again if I announced midway through a soul baring moment that "your breath stinks".

Our children reveal the very worst sides of our character (and personal hygiene), and early on we have to develop thick skin to endure the constant barrage of skin flaying honesty. My children have often pointed a spotlight on my most deep seated insecurities and flaws, and caused me to evaluate myself more carefully. But because of their honesty, their compliments mean so much more to me. They don't compliment to get things from me (yet!), and they haven't learned the art of manipulation (at least not to that degree!).

Trevor relayed a conversation that he had with Nathan the other day that did my heart a world of good.

Nathan: What is your favorite thing to do?

Trevor: I don't know...(thinking)

Nathan: Well, Mommy's favorite thing to do is help people, so what's yours?

He thinks my favorite thing to do is help people. In spite of the red-faced mad woman into which I transform when bathwater is splashed on the floor, homework is not completed in a timely manner and barked commands are not obeyed immediately he still thinks my favorite thing to do is help people.

I just love that little boy!

Livin' On Tulsa Time

2009-03-17T19:59:00.006-05:00

Change. That little word can strike such fear in my heart. From the small things to the life altering, I resist change. I worry over it, spend sleepless nights thinking about it and generally work myself into a frenzy of stress holding on to it. So when Trevor came home 4 months ago with the news that we might be moving to Tulsa, my response was not what you would call open minded. As a matter of fact, I had a good sized boulder in the pit of my stomach when I allowed myself to think about it too much.

But over time I came to accept the idea, even embrace it. We began looking at real estate and discussing our finances. We were still waiting for official word from his company before we made any real decisions, but we felt fairly confident that we would be leaving Texas. Then he was told that the move was off due to the economy, and I breathed a little sigh of relief. I had gotten used to the idea, but I was glad that I didn't have to think about the actual move anymore. Finding a new job, childcare, a church...things that seemed so scary when I thought about them too long and too hard. The boulder dissolved and life went on.

I told my boss that I was staying, and informed the Sunday school class that I teach that they would have to put up with me for a least a little bit longer. I started thinking ahead to summertime childcare for Nathan and making plans for having family here in July. I felt a little bit wistful that we would not be moving, but on the whole glad we were staying with what was known and comfortable.

Then two weeks ago Trevor came home with the news that his company wanted him in Tulsa no later than August. We could pretty much move any time between now and then, but it was really happening. The boulder reappeared and suddenly I was back to contemplating when we would make the move, how we would sell the house in the current market and a myriad of other issues. I began to feel overwhelmed with the enormity of moving our family to another state and establishing new roots there.

Then I stopped in my tracks and said a quick prayer. My prayer was simple: "Lord, take this anxiety from my heart and remind me that you are in control and totally sovereign over all things. You are in both the details and the big picture and I can trust that all things will work for our good. It may not seem like it at the time, but I know that the end game has already been predetermined by You in Your wisdom and love. Please make the path broad and easy to see as we make plans for this move and give us wisdom and discernment to make choices that are pleasing to You. Amen."

This is the prayer that say every time I feel that boulder starting to weigh me down, and it's the one I pray every morning and night. There are so many plans to make and dreams to build, but the change seems less menacing when filtered though the knowledge that God is on our side and He will see us through to the end of this season in our lives. This time next year we will be wondering what all the fuss was about.

Better Late Than Never!

2009-03-15T07:26:00.003-05:00

I'm usually pretty good about remembering birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions. I try to send a card or at least make a phone call so that the person celebrating knows that I am thinking of them. Every year when I get a new calendar to hang in the kitchen, I carefully transfer all the names written each month to the new one so I don't forget. Of course, these days I have them all in my iPhone as well, but I can't seem to let go of my paper calendar!

In recent months, I have been blogging less and and less. Partly a function of being busy with my life, but partly because I find myself with not much to say. Trevor (and my entire family)would laugh out loud at that statement, but I don't always feel as though I have anything worth writing down for posterity. Maybe that's why I completely missed by blogoversary this year. Or maybe it's because I've spent more time reading other blogs and not so much writing on mine, and so March 7 came and went without fanfare. Of course, it might have more to do with the fact that I was in Louisiana visiting family at the time.

I'm excited about reaching this 2 year milestone, because it means that I can have year two published in a book. I already have Volume 1 on my bookshelf, and I can't wait to add Volume 2. I use a service called Blurb and it is the coolest thing ever. It basically "slurps" your blog into the software and then you edit your book page by page. The final product is a book full of pictures and memories that can be read by my children when they are older, which is the whole point of my blog.

I decided to make a short list of some of my favorite posts from the last two years in honor of my belated blogoversary.

So, Happy Blogoversary to me and here's to another year of memories.