Tuesday, June 22, 2010

That's What Faith Can Do

I've had this song running through my head for days now, and I just love the words. There is so much turmoil in the lives of people that I love, and uncertainty in my own life that sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming. In the midst of troubles and trials, I cling to my faith. Faith in a God who loves me and has preordained my very circumstances to grow me and draw me nearer to Him. It's so hard to see the big picture from where I'm sitting, but I have faith that He not only sees the picture but has painted it from before the foundations of the world. Trusting in His sovereignty gives me such a peace and joy, and I don't know how I would survive without Him.

Everybody falls sometimes
Got to find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it’s more than you can take
But you're stronger, stronger than you know
Don’t you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard
Impossible is not a word
It’s just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody’s scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It’ll be alright
Life is so much more
Than just what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do

Overcome the odds
When you don't have a chance
(That’s what faith can do)
When the world says you can’t
It’ll tell you that you can!

I’ve seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn’t ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I’ve seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That’s what faith can do
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Children Change Everything

I have a confession to make:  Trevor and I never intended to have children.  If you would have asked anyone who knows me, they would have agreed that I was completely set against having any children at any time, ever.  This was something that Trevor and I discussed before we were married, and were both relieved to find one another on the same page.  I was never much of a kid person, and children generally just made me nervous.  At best, I tolerated the children of friends and family because it was necessary.

We enjoyed our first few years of marriage doing all the things that young married people do. We left on trips at the drop of a hat.  We went out to movies at 10 o'clock at night.  We stayed up late and slept in.  We ate in restaurants that didn't give us coloring book menus.  We went to work, came home and ate cereal for dinner if we wanted to.

But something began to change in my heart as I spent more and more time with Trevor.  At first I couldn't quite put my finger on it, because I was so happy with our marriage that I couldn't figure out what was causing that little tug of dissatisfaction.  As time went on, I recognized it for what it was.  I was still not sold on the idea of other children, but I wanted to have children with Trevor and so Nathan was born.  All 9 lbs, 13 oz of him.

To say that having a child is a life-changing experience doesn't even begin to scratch the surface, and if you are a parent you are smiling and nodding your head.  Unplanned trips were replaced with frantic errands for more diapers and formula.  Those late night movies?  Only if you mean the glow of the television at 2am during a feeding.  The staying up late didn't change, but the sleeping in became a thing of the past.  We started asking for high chairs in restaurants and scheduling our meals around when Nathan would be hungry.

But the thing that changed my life in the most profound way was watching my husband become a father.  He gained the title of father the day that Nathan was born, but he became a father in small bits over the course of that first year.  It showed me a side of Trevor that was the perfect complement to the loving husband I knew him to be.  There is nothing more attractive to me than the sight of my husband holding my children, and knowing that he loves them just as much as I do.  I had the joy of watching him grow as a human being, learning patience and self-sacrifice.

And just as we thought we had the whole parenting thing down (hah!), along came the little 6 lb, 8 oz pink bundle that was Gracie.  If you ever want to see a man more tender and gentle, present him with a tiny baby girl to hold.  Whereas Nathan had taught Trevor the basics of fatherhood, Gracie rounded him out in ways that only a little girl could.  His protective nature became more fully developed and he always seemed to hold her a little more gently than he had held his firstborn.

As I sit here today and think of all the ways God has blessed me over the years, Trevor comes to my mind first.  Not only because he is a Godly husband to me and makes me feel cherished, loved and protected but because God created him to be the perfect father for our children.  There is no one on this earth who could be a more effective, loving father to my children and I thank God every day for him.  He leads us all in a direction that is pleasing to God, and he is steadfast in his love and commitment to us.  He sacrifices his time, energy and resources so that we might have a better life, and he always does it without complaint.

He is the father of my children.  He is the love of my life.  He is everything to me.

Happy Father's Day, Trevor.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

First Year

I find it hard to believe that it's already summer time.  With the beginning of a new season comes the anniversary of our move from Houston to Tulsa, which makes it all the harder to believe that an entire year has already flown by.  Was it really a year ago that I was worrying about making new friends, concerned about how the kids would adjust to a new town and wondering if we would find our little niche?

God had a plan for our little family, and He has been faithful to provide all the things we need in our new environment.  We have wonderful friends through church and work, and the kids are surrounded with children on our block who love to come over and play with them.  Both Nathan and Grace had good experiences at school, and made friendships that will carry over into the coming years.  Nathan turned nine, and Grace turned six this year and we got just a little bit more sleep on Saturday mornings!

We still haven't sold the house in Texas, but we continue to trust that God has His hand on that situation and when it's time to sell it will sell to the right buyers.  It's not been easy paying the equivalent of two mortgages, but He has provided for us over and over again.  We still haven't actually seen a tornado, but if there was ever a place on earth with more unpredictable weather than the Gulf Coast, it's Oklahoma!  It's been a wild ride of snow, ice, thunder and hail storms throughout the year, but we've escaped any damage and injury thus far.  The dry climate is a refreshing change, and so are the cooler temperatures for most of the year so we'll take the tumultuous weather over high humidity and never ending heat, thank you very much.

As I sit here in the silence of Saturday morning, sipping my coffee and reflecting on the last year, it's seems too quiet in the house.  Nathan and Grace are both in Louisiana with Mama and Daddy until next Thursday.  They left Tuesday morning, and from all accounts are having a ball with Nannie and Papa.  They finally got to meet their cousin Travis and see Aunt Rose, which led to a really funny exchange between Grace and Amber.  It was time for Travis to nurse, so Amber took him into the study for a little privacy (mostly from Nathan), and began to nurse.  Gracie wanted to see what Aunt Rose was doing in the darkened room, so she went in to investigate.  Apparently, she looked on with some horror and then asked, "What is that in his mouth???"  Amber went on to explain in simple terms that Travis was drinking milk and that's how she fed him.  Mama came in behind and offered an explanation about cows (since she had seen a cow milked last year at school), and then told her that human mommies make milk the same way.  Gracie just took one more look at the scene before her and pronounced the entire process "weird" and walked away.

I was supposed to fly out to Denver last night, but the tornadoes touching down around the Denver airport made the airlines understandably nervous about actually landing there, so my flight was delayed for 4 hours before I finally just rescheduled it for this morning.  I couldn't see dragging Courtney and Jack all the way out to the airport to pick me up at midnight, so I'll fly out at 9:15am today.  Hopefully everything will go smoothly and I'll get there on time this morning.  I'm really excited about seeing Courtney and Jack, but a little sad as well since my purpose in visiting is to help her unpack her new apartment that she now lives in without her husband Chris, and offer some moral support.  They recently separated, and when I heard the news a few weeks ago all I could think of was getting to her.  Unfortunately, this is the soonest I was able to get a flight and arrange time off from work, but I can't wait to see her and hug her neck and to play with Jack.

It feels a little strange to be posting to my blog since it has been sitting idle for so many months, but I've had a serious case of writer's apathy block, and haven't been able to muster up the desire to write at all except for short updates on Facebook.  I'm feeling more like writing, so maybe this will be a new beginning and I'll feel like posting more often.